Ep 10 - Christina’s Journey: Young Motherhood and Facing Life’s Challenges and Heartbreak

[00:00:06] Hi everyone, and welcome to the Monomyth Diaries, a bi-monthly podcast where ordinary people get to share their hero's journey. I'm Mandi.

[00:00:14] And I'm Karen, and we'll be your hosts. Each episode will feature a hero who will share their journey of growth.

[00:00:20] We'll hear stories about forgiveness, survival, determination, and much more.

[00:00:26] We're glad you're joining us because we all have a monomyth to share and someone out there needs to hear it.

[00:00:34] Welcome back to the Monomyth Diaries. This is a take what you like and leave the rest podcast.

[00:00:39] Today we're joined by someone whose journey is deeply personal and incredibly life altering.

[00:00:44] Christina, thank you so much for joining us and your willingness to share your story of becoming a young mom.

[00:00:49] Of course, thank you for having me.

[00:00:51] Before we start though, we're going to start with some Monomyth Story Starters.

[00:00:54] It's a series of quick questions to get you comfortable, get you talking, get the audience to know you a little bit.

[00:00:58] Okay, let's do it.

[00:00:59] All right, question one. Dogs or cats?

[00:01:01] Dons.

[00:01:02] Tell us about your dog.

[00:01:03] I have both. I have dogs and cats.

[00:01:05] My dog, Hank, is a rescue. I've had him for almost three years now.

[00:01:10] They call him my boyfriend.

[00:01:15] And I have two cats who are recent rescues.

[00:01:18] I was photographing bridles at a barn when the tornadoes actually came through Houston.

[00:01:24] And we heard just little meowing and I found two four-week-old kittens.

[00:01:28] So they came home with me and lo and behold, my son is actually a cat person.

[00:01:36] We didn't know that.

[00:01:37] So they're Becky and Shiv.

[00:01:40] Wow!

[00:01:41] Yeah, because he'll cut you.

[00:01:43] Yeah.

[00:01:45] Yeah.

[00:01:45] How does Hank and the cats go on?

[00:01:47] Well, they have definitely been raised by pit bulls and they are like little dogs themselves.

[00:01:53] So they get along great.

[00:01:54] They play with his tail.

[00:01:56] They all cuddle all the time.

[00:01:58] He chases them around the house.

[00:02:00] They hide from him, come out from the couch, get him.

[00:02:03] So yeah, they're best friends.

[00:02:05] They're very unbothered by him and he's very bothered by them.

[00:02:10] But it's a lot of times.

[00:02:13] I love it.

[00:02:14] Do you have a nickname?

[00:02:15] If so, what is it?

[00:02:17] I have a few nicknames.

[00:02:18] I think it depends on the phase of life in which you met me.

[00:02:24] So I think that there's a Chris, shortened for Christina, is what one of my service industry

[00:02:32] nicknames was for years until we got too many Christophers and Christina's on staff.

[00:02:38] Cricket is another nickname.

[00:02:41] We love Cricket.

[00:02:42] Yeah.

[00:02:42] So my co-ed softball team, I'm Cricket.

[00:02:45] Nice.

[00:02:45] And one of my best girlfriends, my sister, nicknamed me that years ago.

[00:02:52] And I've asked her, where did it come from?

[00:02:55] And she has no idea.

[00:02:57] But she'll introduce me to people and I'm like, I'm Christina.

[00:03:01] And they're like, oh, you're Cricket.

[00:03:03] And I'm like, okay, so I know who introduced you.

[00:03:06] Uh-uh.

[00:03:06] And then also a rabbit.

[00:03:08] So it's my Chinese Zodiac is a fire rabbit.

[00:03:11] Hey.

[00:03:12] And part of my business, WDR.

[00:03:15] The rabbit is in the acronym for that.

[00:03:18] So my personal Instagram and things, it's like Christina Rabbit Graven.

[00:03:22] Is that where Waterdog and Hava came from?

[00:03:25] Yeah.

[00:03:25] They're Chinese Zodiacs.

[00:03:27] Oh.

[00:03:27] Yeah.

[00:03:28] So Waterdog is a scripture to Zodiac.

[00:03:31] Oh, I didn't know that.

[00:03:33] Yeah.

[00:03:34] That's awesome.

[00:03:36] That's so awesome.

[00:03:37] I was in Hong Kong and there's the 10,000 Buddhas monastery.

[00:03:42] So you're going up all these steps and there's just Buddhas everywhere, little statues.

[00:03:47] It's beautiful.

[00:03:48] Mm-hmm.

[00:03:49] But by the time you get up to the top, you're absolutely exhausted.

[00:03:52] And you're taking a breath, but you can see all of Hong Kong City behind you.

[00:03:56] And there's this little gift shop.

[00:03:57] And I just found like little Zodiac charms and it stuck with me that whole little moment.

[00:04:04] So I brought that sentiment into my company.

[00:04:08] Mm-hmm.

[00:04:09] Yeah.

[00:04:09] I love it.

[00:04:10] I actually think I've been to that monastery.

[00:04:11] Where's my grandmother?

[00:04:13] Yes.

[00:04:13] So she hiked to the top?

[00:04:15] Uh, she said the bottom, but I did.

[00:04:17] Yeah.

[00:04:17] She went to make offerings at some of the shrines.

[00:04:20] And I saw the stairs and I'm like, I'm going to do this.

[00:04:23] Yes.

[00:04:23] I think I was still like, I think I was 19.

[00:04:26] And how did you feel when you reached the top?

[00:04:27] Oh, it was like.

[00:04:30] It's beautiful.

[00:04:31] Definitely.

[00:04:32] And like each step is just so different.

[00:04:34] So there's no real like cadence you can get into going up the steps.

[00:04:38] You're like little step, double step, three little step.

[00:04:42] Yeah.

[00:04:43] Yeah.

[00:04:43] I think, I don't know how old it is, but it's super ancient.

[00:04:48] That's a good idea.

[00:04:50] I don't know about you.

[00:04:51] It's awesome.

[00:04:51] So cricket or rabbit, if you can have dinner with anyone dead or alive, who would it be?

[00:04:59] Wow.

[00:05:00] I really love Lady Gaga.

[00:05:03] I really do.

[00:05:04] I think that she's just a fascinating human in a lot of the roles that she's portrayed.

[00:05:11] Um, I think the way she's able to throw herself into them.

[00:05:14] Um, but also I think that she does a lot for, uh, women and just being organically ourselves.

[00:05:22] Yeah.

[00:05:22] She's always like, um, telling some of her stories just to connect with us.

[00:05:28] And then maybe Sean Connery just, uh, he's been in a lot of conversations around me in

[00:05:33] the last week.

[00:05:34] He's on my mind.

[00:05:35] There's something about Alcatraz that reminds me of like random.

[00:05:40] Right, right.

[00:05:42] So I, could you imagine going to a dinner with Sean Connery and just hearing his voice?

[00:05:48] Yes.

[00:05:48] All the time.

[00:05:51] There's only one Sean Connery.

[00:05:53] Yeah.

[00:05:54] You can hear it in your head right now.

[00:05:56] That's the idea.

[00:05:56] I definitely can.

[00:05:57] I definitely can.

[00:05:58] My husband tries to do a very poor impression of it.

[00:06:01] I really want to try to do one right now, but I'm not even going to attempt it.

[00:06:07] Maybe some behind the scenes.

[00:06:08] Yeah.

[00:06:09] I'd have to listen to a clip really quick and then go for it.

[00:06:12] But there's just a particular like way that his mouth moves and it's his accent that's really

[00:06:18] cute.

[00:06:18] Yeah.

[00:06:19] You know who it is.

[00:06:20] Yeah.

[00:06:20] Like when you lose his mouth, you're like, oh yeah, Sean Connery.

[00:06:22] Yeah.

[00:06:22] I grew up on him with like blockbuster movies with my dad.

[00:06:25] And you know, you can pick a movie out on a Friday night.

[00:06:28] It's an action packed Sean Connery film.

[00:06:31] And I just, there's just like a, a warmth to his voice.

[00:06:35] Like Morgan Freeman.

[00:06:36] Yes.

[00:06:39] All right.

[00:06:39] As a photographer, I'm so interested in how you answered this question.

[00:06:43] Sunrise or sunset?

[00:06:45] Sunset.

[00:06:45] Yeah.

[00:06:46] I have chased a lot of sunrises and there's just something about a 4am wake up that takes

[00:06:53] away the beauty for me.

[00:07:00] I love sunsets and like a lot of my current photography work is very focused around golden

[00:07:07] hour.

[00:07:07] Um, so any engagement or family sessions that are outdoors, even weddings, if they have an

[00:07:14] early ceremony time, I always put in a sunset pool so that we can capture those golden hour

[00:07:21] images.

[00:07:21] It's just the way the golden light hits and it's, there's like a softness to it, but it's also

[00:07:28] so dramatic and vibrant and sunrise can be like a little misty and soft and more pastel-y.

[00:07:37] But I feel like the drama and sunsets and the like, uh, neon colors are just so beautiful.

[00:07:44] I'm drawn to them.

[00:07:45] I knew you would bring a photography into it.

[00:07:48] I know we did less suns in the evening like that.

[00:07:50] Sure did.

[00:07:51] Yeah.

[00:07:52] Specifically, 90 minutes of our golden hour is prime time.

[00:07:54] So, so I always, I'll like check the sunset, be like sunsets at 615.

[00:07:58] We should meet at like 445 and go into outfit one too.

[00:08:02] Cause you, sometimes if the cloud coverage is dramatic enough, you get like, um, those really

[00:08:08] beautiful colors, but you get it for like 14 minutes and you've got to be logistically prepared.

[00:08:12] And I always feel really proud when I'm able to get all the shots and poses I want in

[00:08:18] during that. Cause like, there's no reshoot. You have so much time. That's the challenge.

[00:08:24] And then blue hours on and, um, everything goes really cool around you as soon as the sun sets.

[00:08:30] Do you have a favorite quote or mantra?

[00:08:33] I listen to sense of affirmations every day. So I think a powerful quotes for a mantra for me

[00:08:42] is just telling myself every day that you are enough and you are doing a good job.

[00:08:48] We're going to talk about that again.

[00:08:52] Because we've talked about this. What's your favorite song?

[00:08:55] Oh, my favorite song. There is a song a thousand years by Christina Perry that I was a huge Twilight

[00:09:03] fan.

[00:09:05] I love that song all the time.

[00:09:09] And you know, it's an intro to so many weddings.

[00:09:11] It there's instrumentals and the Bridgerton and it's just so beautifully done. I've loved it since

[00:09:17] it first came out and it was one of the songs that I would sing to my youngest son.

[00:09:24] Um, after he passed away, I didn't want to listen to it or hear it. And then I got into the wedding

[00:09:29] industry and I heard it all the time. So now there's this beautiful moment where all you can do is kind

[00:09:35] of smile. So this one just invokes a lot of emotion in me when I hear it. So Christina, can you take us back

[00:09:42] to the moment when you found out that you were pregnant?

[00:09:44] I was 13. So this was 2000. And my son was born, um, no, it was 2001 because he was born November

[00:09:56] 2001. So I probably knew a couple of months into it just because you don't get your period.

[00:10:05] Mm-hmm. And I didn't take a test or anything. I was going on to summer break. So it was the

[00:10:13] summer of my eighth grade year. And I was going to visit family in Colorado for a month.

[00:10:18] So my younger brother and I were flying out there. Um, and I was going to be staying with my aunt,

[00:10:25] uncle and my cousins. So this is my mom's younger sister. Um, and she's from Colorado. So it was a

[00:10:34] visit to like, see my grandparents out there. And so we're in Colorado and I, um, confiding in my

[00:10:42] cousins. Finally, like my, uh, I have two guy cousins and two girl cousins out there. And the

[00:10:51] older of the two gals, she and I were very similar in age. So we were buddies. I was in her room with

[00:10:57] her and we were having sleepovers and I confided in her that I was pregnant. How old was she?

[00:11:03] She's 13 also. Okay. Yes. And we had been going to water parks, amusement parks, um, camping trips

[00:11:13] in Nebraska. I was doing water sports. I was a very active outgoing teenager. Right. Um,

[00:11:20] So in your mind this whole time, you thought you were pregnant or you knew you were a thought.

[00:11:26] Okay. It's just a suspicion. Yes. Yeah. But I'm also 13 and incredibly naive, raised, um,

[00:11:34] in a very religious household and don't talk about the birds and the bees. Uh,

[00:11:39] uh, and so experiencing the act of it, uh, which I lost my virginity at school. So I was very active,

[00:11:49] um, in all of my extracurriculars. So shady student winning awards for math competitions

[00:11:58] in theater, bringing home trophies for everything that I did. So I just had a lot of access to the

[00:12:04] school and there was a lot of trust there. Um, so I definitely took advantage of that.

[00:12:09] But so summer hits and, uh, I tell my cousin and she tells my aunt and my aunt, we're like at the

[00:12:19] zoo and we're all having this little family trip and we go home, we drop off the other kids. My aunt

[00:12:27] has a one-on-one with me and she was like, Christina, are you pregnant? I was like, well, I don't know.

[00:12:32] I haven't actually taken a test. And so she took me to buy a test and that was when it was confirmed.

[00:12:37] And then we had to go over how do we call my parents and tell them what was going on. Right.

[00:12:45] So were you pretty close with your aunt? We grew up in Texas and so we would see them every now and

[00:12:53] then I, um, we would talk on phone though, you know, that was like, you know, weekly phone calls

[00:12:59] with different family members. Oh, that's nice. My mom was one of three girls. She's the oldest. So

[00:13:03] this was her baby, baby sister. Okay. And you just think, so I think back at that position I put her

[00:13:11] in, you have your big sister's daughter at your house and you find out that she's pregnant. You

[00:13:17] also have four children of your own and you're like, how do I manage this situation? And she did it

[00:13:26] just so much grace. She, she's really made me feel safe. Um, to this day, she is one of my biggest

[00:13:34] supporters and we had to call my mom and it was one of those, what do you want to do, Christina? No one

[00:13:40] knew how far along I was. So your mom asked you that question or your aunt asked you that question?

[00:13:46] Well, after my mom stopped crying, she asked me that question.

[00:13:49] Yeah. Well, I was, I was just so, there's so much hope and like, I was so good at everything. It was

[00:13:57] just a real shock that I was 13 years old and pregnant, you know, and you're processing this. So

[00:14:04] my mom did lay and bed and cry for weeks. Um, just absolutely heartbreaking. And I still had some of

[00:14:11] my trip left. So being gone for a month, um, I thought maybe I was just a couple of months along,

[00:14:16] but I was really almost six months along. Wow. So there was no options. There was,

[00:14:24] even though they wanted to drive up and take me to get an abortion there, there was not that option.

[00:14:30] We were going to all have a baby in the family, whether we wanted to or not. So then it was,

[00:14:36] do you want to keep him or do you want to give him up for adoption? Right. And I just could never

[00:14:42] even fathom, you know, having a child and then him being raised somewhere else. Though looking back,

[00:14:50] that probably would have been a much more stable environment for him, of course. And he would have

[00:14:55] had so many advantages that he just didn't have having a young mom. Um, but I think our relationship

[00:15:02] is so wonderful now. I made the right decision, even though the phase is leading up to where we are

[00:15:10] now. I didn't always make the best decisions. So, uh, yeah, it was, it was wild. And so you must've

[00:15:17] been terrified having to make that phone call to your parents. Yeah, absolutely. My, uh,

[00:15:23] mom and dad were spare the rods, spoiled a child. Oh boy. And so, uh, we were raised in a very

[00:15:33] disciplined home and I, I knew I messed up like big time. So, um, and then it's like the anticipation,

[00:15:42] you just have to fly home. Your parents have to pick you up from the airport. I had started to gain

[00:15:49] weight. And when I got off the plane, I had this like little belly and, um, my mom burst into tears.

[00:15:55] And I can imagine now looking back how shocking that is. Um, when I was going into my freshman year,

[00:16:02] so I think I started my freshman year, seven months pregnant. What were you thinking and feeling on

[00:16:08] that plane ride home? I did not want to go home. Yeah, absolute fear. Um, but also I think there was

[00:16:17] just the naivety to what I was going to be getting into. You don't realize how many things go into being

[00:16:24] pregnant when you, um, I'm on my parents' insurance that they aren't covering everything. So then having

[00:16:32] supplemental Medicaid and starting to figure out the government programs available to help. I mean,

[00:16:39] I couldn't have a job. I didn't drive. And, uh, that was something that my family had to pick up

[00:16:46] is not only the tab for an additional mouth to feed, but also like the errands and, you know,

[00:16:53] prepping the house for a baby to be there. And it took a village and it was me, my parents,

[00:16:58] my older brother, my younger brother. Um, so it sounds like your parents eventually got on board with

[00:17:05] you wanting to keep your son. Yeah. Okay. So they weren't at first. Is that accurate? No,

[00:17:12] of course. Um, and I think we, everybody was just kind of like, what do we do? Right.

[00:17:19] And it was also awkward, like meeting his dad's family and, you know, his dad lived with his

[00:17:26] grandparents and was 15 when my son was born. Right. Um, yeah. Yeah. So having to tell his

[00:17:37] grandparents, uh, who he was raised by his mom, um, abandoned him when he was a baby and yeah,

[00:17:46] it was raised in a very strict Catholic household and having the two families come together. I

[00:17:52] remember that meeting so specifically, cause it's just like, everybody is like, what are we going to

[00:17:59] do? My son's dad never lived with us. We were really young. So he was right from the start of

[00:18:08] weekend dad. Um, and, and I think a lot of the responsibility did fall on my family cause they,

[00:18:16] we were the constant and the everyday. Yeah. But I also didn't make decisions as an adult for my child

[00:18:25] until he was a couple of years old. I didn't even drive with him for the first time until he was

[00:18:32] three. Oh my God. And it was a Halloween. Oh wow.

[00:18:37] He was dressed as a little giraffe and we had just gotten off work. I was a hostess at Chili's

[00:18:41] and my mom was supposed to drive us to go truck or treating and she didn't want to go. She was tired

[00:18:46] that night and she was like, okay, you can drive him. So I drove him to the mall and we walked around

[00:18:52] in this little giraffe costume. Yeah. So cute. So today's like an anniversary. It's been 20 years.

[00:19:01] Wow. Yeah, that's cute. Yeah. Just for fun. How, so how old is you today? Just for people that don't know.

[00:19:08] So you're in your thirties. Yes, I'm 37. I just had my birthday of August and he is 22. He will be 23

[00:19:16] November 29th. Wow. I know. And he's a successful bar manager. We have such a wonderful relationship.

[00:19:27] We just took a trip to Portland together for Portland cocktail week. It was really fun to see him

[00:19:35] as a young adult experiencing life and travel and making new friends and bringing education back to

[00:19:42] his staff here. All the years in our relationship that really brought us to this moment. So

[00:19:49] y'all have such a nice relationship and you both have such a success story. And we're so excited that

[00:19:53] you're going to get to show everybody how you got from, you know, a teenage mom to your

[00:19:59] successful, awesome, authentic, lovely self. I do tell people all the time when I meet them,

[00:20:04] I am a teen mom success story. So you really are. Yeah. And they're shocked when they meet me,

[00:20:11] but I have such an older child. People meet me and automatically assume that I'm 28 or 32,

[00:20:18] but I haven't even really started my life yet. And then they find out that I'm an empty nester.

[00:20:22] It's a very unique situation I find myself in. Yeah. Very well. Yes.

[00:20:27] Do I circle back around to, so you've had Junior, um, you've given birth to him and you're living at home.

[00:20:35] Ah, yes. What was that like as a, I guess as a mom, you're in high school,

[00:20:41] but at the same time you're having to live with your parents and raise your child. Right.

[00:20:44] What was that like? Very, very frustrating. Right. Um, very demeaning at times, I think,

[00:20:50] because you, I mean, I didn't know anything, but in that moment, I thought I knew everything.

[00:20:58] So, I'm glad to hear you say that out loud. So many of us say that. You think you're a teenager, right?

[00:21:05] Yeah. We do. And there were moments raising my own teenager. I was like,

[00:21:11] Oh, you're such a pain in the butt.

[00:21:14] You're a parent. Um, those little moments of realization, but it was incredibly difficult.

[00:21:22] I was still in school until about seven and a half months pregnant and I was riding the bus and

[00:21:29] that was bouncy and it was mornings. Um, I was in a really large Houston school, so I just didn't

[00:21:38] want to go back one day. So I dropped out of school. I was going to homeschool. Right. So there

[00:21:44] was this like Hargrove homeschool where they get through a box of booklets. You read through them,

[00:21:51] take your tests and then you have your high school education. Um, not really a self-starter or a learner

[00:21:59] in that way. So I found that difficult to do and, uh, self-guiding yourself at 14.

[00:22:07] I also found difficult to do. So I really lacked in education during that time of my life.

[00:22:16] Mm-hmm .

[00:22:17] And I was a, practically a stay at home daughter. So 14 years old, this little baby,

[00:22:24] both of my parents were working full time. It was wake up in the morning and how do you prep the

[00:22:30] house for success? So everyday chores, dusting, mopping, vacuuming, having dinner for everyone.

[00:22:36] When they got home that evening. Um, and then also my older brother, uh, ended up having a baby

[00:22:44] when my son was about seven months old. So that he had a second little one in the house.

[00:22:48] I didn't realize that. Yeah. My niece, Tiana, very close in age with my son. So they were raised kind of

[00:22:54] like siblings and I, my job was to stay at home with both of them. So a lot of cooking, a lot of

[00:23:02] cleaning house management, um, until I was able to get my first job. You weren't just being a mom at this

[00:23:09] time. You're also taking care of your entire family, like your brothers and your parents,

[00:23:14] you're running this entire household and two little ones. Yeah. And my, um, my mom and dad were

[00:23:22] working very long hours to monetarily provide for this situation. So I look back at that as well.

[00:23:31] And I'm sure that that was a huge burden for them to take on that I did not fully appreciate in the

[00:23:37] moment. But also I was a little wild as a teenager. So they were also managing having a teen mom who

[00:23:48] also acted out as well. You know, there were a lot of imperfections in my personality then. And I think

[00:23:56] that child trauma I have gone through and as I process the things I've done as an adult, um,

[00:24:03] I feel as if the trauma I experienced as a child with just different things

[00:24:09] led me to be a hypersexual teenager. And I was always seeking a relationship of some kind.

[00:24:16] I was sneaking out of the house. I was having humans pick me up from driving school and skipping

[00:24:25] driving school and going out and having fun because those were my couple of hours that I didn't have my

[00:24:30] child or something. Right. And then getting caught in those things and, and there are

[00:24:35] our professions of that. So it was, yeah, yeah. So no real social interactions, you know, all your

[00:24:42] friends are in school. Um, no senior prom, no homecoming. I went to an orchestra banquet once

[00:24:50] and got to dress up for that. So that was fun. My friend brought me as his date, but all of those

[00:24:55] things that I loved about school, I really missed and regretted. And I think I acted out a lot.

[00:25:02] Um, did you continue to date junior's dad during this time?

[00:25:05] Off and on. Yes. Yeah. So.

[00:25:08] But he stays active in junior's life during this time.

[00:25:10] Absolutely. Yes, absolutely. So he would pick him up and like do FFA. His dad stayed in school

[00:25:18] and graduated as a senior. He had the support from his family to like be in FFA and all of those

[00:25:27] things. So I would go to some of his school things. So what's FFA?

[00:25:31] Future Farmers of America. Oh.

[00:25:33] Yeah. Where they get to like raise pigs and different animals.

[00:25:36] Could you maybe talk a little bit about what was your relationship with junior's dad during

[00:25:42] this entire time? Because you mentioned you're dating on and off. So I'm going to read that

[00:25:47] things weren't perfect. No, of course not. And we were so young when we started dating.

[00:25:54] It was like middle of eighth grade. So off and on a little bit, I was more off all the time. His

[00:26:00] dad adored me. Um, and still to this day would do anything for me. He's married now and has,

[00:26:07] um, step kids and my son over there and hang out with him in the family. But he at any point would

[00:26:15] have been by my side and just happy to be a happy little family. I, however, wanted more. And I just

[00:26:23] didn't know what that was. I have a 16 year old relationships, uh, going on different dates,

[00:26:30] just kind of feeling out what I do and don't like about humans and exploring and having fun when my

[00:26:37] son is, as dad's on the weekend. So getting to go act my age a little bit, discover who you are.

[00:26:44] I do feel as if now at 37, I know exactly who I am and my heart hurts for that girl sometimes

[00:26:53] when you look back and just so confused and making all the wrong decisions. And one of my biggest life

[00:26:59] regrets is just not spending that time finding myself with my son. I could have had so many more

[00:27:05] memories with him and I gave myself a really hard time about it. But I'm constantly reminded

[00:27:13] by him that, you know, I did a good job and no matter what, it's always me and him against the

[00:27:18] world. So I just have to remember not to be too hard on myself or things I did as a 16 year old,

[00:27:24] you know, and the guilt that you carry being so irresponsible at that time. But if, if I could

[00:27:32] go back and change anything, I would just be more present. You're doing the best you could with what

[00:27:38] you had. Yeah. And you didn't know what you didn't know. Right. Absolutely. And you had to walk that

[00:27:44] path to get to who you are today. Yes. You and Junior wouldn't be the success stories you are

[00:27:49] and things have been different. So I have a lot of friends who have young children right now. And

[00:27:55] they're like, I hope my relationship with my child is like yours. Like as a young adult, it's,

[00:28:02] you see so many relationships where you're not close. Um, I'm not that close with my parents.

[00:28:11] We talk ever so often, right. When I call them and we catch up and they love me dearly,

[00:28:18] but it's not like with my son, I would love to be a multi-generational household and help with my

[00:28:25] grandkids one day and, you know, be able to lean on each other for support. Whereas my family is very,

[00:28:32] like, you're 18, you're on your own, you have your own life. Um, and I, I, I want to go back

[00:28:40] to where you're not alone. You don't have to do this by yourself. Life is hard sometimes and I'm

[00:28:47] always here for you. So, so going on that. So you're, you know, you, you're raising junior at home.

[00:28:54] It's been a few years. You've been, you're, you're carrying a lot of burdens. You're,

[00:28:58] you're doing that housework. You're maintaining at a certain standard to what your mom wants.

[00:29:03] There's two little ones. What would, how would you describe the relationship and the,

[00:29:10] how you engaged with your parents at this time? Cause I, you know, you're acknowledging

[00:29:14] they were working extra hours, but what would, how would you describe the emotion, the energy?

[00:29:21] I, I think that we really overstimulated my mom. I think it was just a lot in the household having

[00:29:30] the two little grandbabies and then the three kids. And then, you know, my little brother going

[00:29:36] through high school and, um, because I'm sick. I think your mom was the only bit of

[00:29:42] 40s. Yeah. When this was all done?

[00:29:45] She was born in 62. Okay.

[00:29:48] So yeah, yeah. And that's a lot to carry. These were always a little high stress and on edge. So

[00:29:58] I moved out when I was 17 and, uh, my, you and junior moved out together.

[00:30:05] Yeah. And my dad co-signed for an apartment for me and it was in Baytown, Texas, a little two bedroom,

[00:30:12] two bathroom, $550 a month. I worked two jobs. So I was a secretary for a Marine company, uh,

[00:30:22] that worked out of the port of Houston. My entire family is in the shipping industry. So they are all,

[00:30:28] um, union for the port of Houston. So my dad and brothers all work on the ships and have done that

[00:30:35] their entire lives. So it was natural for me to slip into a job that had to do with, uh,

[00:30:42] Steve a drawing in some way. It was a connection that my brother had. And I think I made like $12

[00:30:48] an hour. And then when I turned 18, I got into like cocktail waitressing and realized there's so much

[00:30:56] money to be made doing that. So worked at like the little country bars and dive bars. And it was like,

[00:31:03] oh my God, I can make my whole paycheck in like two nights, which was incredible.

[00:31:09] That's how I put myself through college. Yeah. I know. I know when I did my first job teaching

[00:31:13] school, I was not making nearly as much money as I was. Right. But I, now I look back and I'm like,

[00:31:21] God, being 17 years old, managing paying rent or not paying rent, really learning money management.

[00:31:30] Then I've had zero money management skills. I did so many detrimental things to like,

[00:31:37] you go out one night and you spend any amount of money, the domino effect of that. And really learning

[00:31:44] that if I don't put a roof over me or my son's head, it doesn't really work for me. Like other people,

[00:31:51] I can't go crash on someone's couch. I absolutely don't want to go move back in with mom and dad,

[00:31:57] which happened. And then you just feel like a failure. But then I look back and I'm like,

[00:32:02] you have no skills. You're making like minimum wage. You were doing the very best you could,

[00:32:10] but sometimes it's just hard, Christina. And sometimes unexpected expenses do come up.

[00:32:16] Even when you're an adult adult, that time in my life made me appreciate and absolutely need a

[00:32:22] nest egg and savings that whole time. So you're 17 at this point, how old's junior?

[00:32:26] And you're going through all this for three, three and a half, four, turning four around.

[00:32:31] Yeah, I know. And I look back at that and that is a wild to me. So, and, and, you know, doing

[00:32:38] some little long things like packing flaming hot Cheetos and his lunch for him.

[00:32:44] I remember one of my like funnest memories with him is picking him up from daycare and it's,

[00:32:49] you know, his name is Brian. He's named Dr. Stad.

[00:32:52] Okay.

[00:32:52] And everyone always calls him junior from the time he was like little kitty and I pick him up and he

[00:32:58] didn't, he's being a brat about something. And I was like, Brian, Sean, and they were like, wait a minute,

[00:33:03] this name's not junior.

[00:33:08] Yeah, it was just really adorable. And always being a really young mom at daycare was very interesting.

[00:33:14] So you're 17 and you're dressing him up for Halloween and I'm dressing up for Halloween and

[00:33:20] we're going to go to the hospital next door and go trick or treating. And I was a sexy pirate.

[00:33:25] And I was so inappropriate for it.

[00:33:29] And like fishnet stockings and a little pirate costume and all the other moms are like witches

[00:33:34] and pumpkins and very PG outfits. And I was like, Oh, I don't, I do not fit in right now.

[00:33:44] And learning those as well, you know, tact and grace in every situation that you're in and kind

[00:33:50] of bailing out the room. So I learned a lot from them. They were very like kind with me. He went to

[00:33:55] the same daycare for a couple of years in a row and he was a little bitty. But again, I had that

[00:34:01] opportunity too, because of daycare assistance. So it was a program by the state where you only paid

[00:34:08] a portion of what the daycare actually was. And looking back at that program and it's incredible.

[00:34:17] I couldn't imagine paying $400. Some moms pay like $400 a week right now for daycare.

[00:34:25] And I think I was paying $60 a week. So that was really helpful on that tight budget that we were on.

[00:34:32] Yeah. You had a lot of blessings early on. Yes. You know, parents that were both working and helping you, the grandparents,

[00:34:38] so doing your dad, government assistance, your dad signing to help you get your apartment. Yeah.

[00:34:44] And the blessings in the beginning. Yeah.

[00:34:46] It was difficult, but I'm not trying to minimize that. But at the same time, you do have a lot of blessings going out.

[00:34:51] Yeah. And in that moment, you don't realize that, right? Like you're...

[00:34:55] Young and you don't want to think about that. Yeah.

[00:34:58] Yeah. That's the best way to describe myself.

[00:35:01] I think when you're younger is that you're just selfish. You do think about yourself a lot more

[00:35:09] than I think you do when you're older and humbled. I'm so humbled by life now. I think about what is

[00:35:14] this action that I'm doing going to do to affect everyone around me? And it was... I didn't have

[00:35:20] that same process at 17 years old. You were also being very teachable. Yes.

[00:35:25] You were receiving these lessons from the daycare workers and the people working there. And you were

[00:35:32] literally going to school to be a parent. Yeah.

[00:35:35] And absorbing those lessons. So serious. Good to see you.

[00:35:38] Growing up at the same time that he grew up now in our lives, any decisions that my son is making,

[00:35:45] if he makes one that doesn't happen to be the best one, he looks at me and he's like,

[00:35:51] well, I'm learning some valuable lessons in life right now. And I'm like, I'm not judging because you

[00:35:58] literally watched me learn all my valuable lessons in life. Like first hand POV. And he's like, oh yes,

[00:36:05] I did. Have you ever shared anything that like stood up to him? Like watching you go?

[00:36:12] We've talked about this for like maybe junior should be on the show. Yeah.

[00:36:15] I'm trying to tell his story. Right. And you know, breaking generational curses is a huge thing

[00:36:21] for us. There are memories I have with my parents that I've iterated out loud and met with that didn't

[00:36:29] happen. And I think we just remember things differently as humans. There's your story,

[00:36:34] my story and the truth. So I tell my son all the time, if there's something that you remember

[00:36:40] that I've done, let's talk about it because I am sure that in my raising you being so young,

[00:36:48] there is trauma that I have caused and I do not want that to fester. There's no reason

[00:36:54] for you to have a harder time as an adult, or if your inner voice is mean to you, like our inner voices,

[00:37:02] our parents talking to us. So it's like that inner child and how do they talk to you?

[00:37:09] And just trying to be like really positive, morally correct, and communicative when we discuss any

[00:37:18] topic now, but being open to what is he saying? How is he processing that memory? How did that make him

[00:37:25] feel? And I think sometimes just acknowledgement goes such a long way.

[00:37:30] I'm going to assume that was not what your parents did for you. Am I correct?

[00:37:35] No, I just don't think that's their generation almost. Yeah.

[00:37:40] Um, it's not, it's not their fault. No.

[00:37:43] If they were, I think that we communicate so much more now with social media, with people being able to

[00:37:51] reach out and say, oh, you went through that. It's just like this podcast. I went through that too,

[00:37:56] and being more open and organic. Where did you learn this skill? Because look,

[00:38:02] that's a skill set to be able to have that kind of communicative relationship with your son.

[00:38:07] Right. Because it didn't happen right away. Right. So you're 17. You've moved out. I remember us talking

[00:38:12] about the next probably eight years, right? You do a lot of moving. Yeah. So my son went to 13

[00:38:19] different elementary and middle schools. Whether I was moving from one little town to the other,

[00:38:28] I would pick up and go without a second thought. I, if this no longer served me, then I had no problem

[00:38:36] phasing into another phase. And now it's so funny because I want the structure and I want the long

[00:38:43] term and I want to be able to plant my garden and have that. But I, I was just like a breeze when I

[00:38:49] was younger, but my little one is a breeze with me. Right. Now that was so unfortunate for him. I think

[00:38:57] that it did give him the ability to really chameleon into any situation, um, to pick up and make fast

[00:39:04] friends no matter where he goes. But also I think that it affected his education, just not having that

[00:39:13] consecutive teaching experience as he was getting older, you know, and then with me being uneducated

[00:39:20] as I was, I have no help when it comes to some of the math homework and other things that you're

[00:39:26] learning and doing. So it was not a stable time in either of our lives, my twenties that we're getting

[00:39:32] into now. So, and, uh, I also had a second son who passed away from SIDS during all of this time.

[00:39:43] So after that happened, there was a year where he went to go live with his dad because I felt like

[00:39:47] I couldn't be a parent or a human. Yeah. That's, that's one of his school moves, um, was just

[00:39:56] experiencing a great tragedy and genuinely being plucked from the school that day and put into

[00:40:02] a new school with his dad in a new room and all of those things. And that is also, I still process

[00:40:11] if that was the right decision or not, you know, would it have been better for him to

[00:40:17] see me suffer in the way that I did more? Did I do good by putting him somewhere where he would have

[00:40:25] normal sleep? But tough decision. So junior go, did he go live with his dad prior to your son dying?

[00:40:35] No. Okay. Yeah. It was, um, the night that he passed away, he went to go live with his dad and I went,

[00:40:45] we never went back to the townhouse where the tragedy happened. We went back for a day with family and

[00:40:54] friends to pack it all up and put it in storage. But I just couldn't exist there. I understand.

[00:41:01] So you're, you're moving around with junior a lot and I know that this plays into your story. Um,

[00:41:07] you talked about your parenting style a little bit before. Yeah. What was your parenting style during

[00:41:13] these years when junior like? Do as I say, not as I do. Spare the rod, spoil the child. Um,

[00:41:20] if you're acting out in any way, there is a disciplinary action for that afterwards. Um,

[00:41:30] getting written up at school, maybe you got whoopens when you got home and my mom, funny,

[00:41:38] I find out and they're older. I didn't have all of the information either. So this is part of

[00:41:43] parenting with a village. Also parenting a lot of notes or things that would come home,

[00:41:50] warning what was going on at school or secretly signed by my mom and sent back. And he'd be like,

[00:41:57] okay, well don't do it again. And he's like, okay, grandma. Well, so it, I was just very in the

[00:42:03] dark about some things. So I think by the time it reached me, I did not understand why it was at

[00:42:08] critical mass point, you know, and I'm trying to be a good parent. And I think that disciplinary means

[00:42:17] spankings. Um, you thought that was being a good parent, right? Okay. Yeah. Um, now there's

[00:42:24] gentle parenting. Right. That's what I kind of wanted to get into because knowing what your

[00:42:28] relationship with junior is like now, and I know it didn't start like that because we know one

[00:42:32] another, but not everybody knows the situation. Yeah. They don't know how you got there. Right.

[00:42:36] And so once upon a time, that was not your parenting style. No, no. And I was loud and we yelled and we

[00:42:45] didn't talk through things. And you know, as a child, I'm the adult, you don't get emotions,

[00:42:52] you know, you stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. And that was how I was

[00:42:58] raised as well. So that's one of those generational curses we are breaking. Yeah. Um, even though there

[00:43:06] are times if we're at Walmart and there's someone throwing a fit somewhere, he's like,

[00:43:10] you would have taken me in the bathroom. I had to come out with an attitude adjustment.

[00:43:18] So we laugh and joke about it, but you've had some healing. Yeah. Yeah. Striking your child or being

[00:43:25] struck by your parent hurts. Yes. And more ways than just physical, you know, there's an emotional hurt.

[00:43:34] I think that's some of the trauma that I carry from being a child is hands, not touching you in a way

[00:43:41] that is kind, mid loving, you know, to, to use them as a tool for discipline. It just changes the

[00:43:49] emotion that you feel towards that person. So, and this goes on until juniors, I think like sixth grade.

[00:43:55] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to say he was in like fifth or sixth grade when Robbie passed away. So

[00:44:01] he's born in 2001 and Robbie passed away and he's let's see 2013. So he'd have been around 12.

[00:44:09] Well, it's a big shift for him. Thank you. You're dating and you are pregnant again. Yes. Tell us

[00:44:15] about that. Yes. Okay. So I get pregnant with my youngest son, Robbie van, and this is one of those

[00:44:24] inner thoughts that you don't really share with everyone, but I want to share with you guys.

[00:44:29] You know, I lost him from SIDS. That was so traumatic, but one of the guilty things I felt

[00:44:36] inside was why am I so upset about losing him, but I don't mourn my miscarriages or my abortion in the

[00:44:47] same way. And that was a huge thing for me. Cause I was like, wow, Christina, you don't just have one

[00:44:53] little soul up there. You have a few, but why? Because this one was earthly for a few months.

[00:45:01] Does it hurt so much more? Right. You know? And so processing that guilt to be a long time. Um,

[00:45:12] thanks. So I was like, man, this is, I'm pregnant. I am 23, 24. And I really want to have this baby.

[00:45:24] I wanted to procreate. Like I really wanted to have a little family and I was like, I'm going to keep

[00:45:29] this baby and try to do everything the right way. And I worked, um, up until I was seven or eight months.

[00:45:35] And then I was like a day bartender and on my feet all the time and happy breathing at this point.

[00:45:41] So I go to a doctor's appointment and I have preclampsia. So they were like, well,

[00:45:47] you're going immediately to the hospital. He was born October 25th, 2012. Right. Um,

[00:45:55] and he was just tiny. My older son was nine pounds. I have him all natural, no epidural,

[00:46:00] no anything, 14 years old, just, just 12 hours of labor. And he hit the world running.

[00:46:07] I can't believe you wanted to have another one after that.

[00:46:10] Yeah. Well, and so this one was the complete opposite experience. Um,

[00:46:16] fall risk in labor for like three days, preclampsia, you know, the pitocin is fighting with all the

[00:46:23] other things that they're giving you and, um, and a mask. And when I'm, um, giving birth,

[00:46:31] I like pass out during, it was just the worst experience. Right. And I was so swollen and just

[00:46:38] miserable, but he comes into this world and he's just this tiny little skinny six pound dumpling.

[00:46:46] And it didn't take me long to fatten him up. So yeah, I got to stay home with him for three weeks

[00:46:51] before I went back to work. Um, and then we just kind of rotated out on shifts.

[00:46:56] So were you living then with his dad? So junior you, dad, all living together?

[00:47:01] Yes.

[00:47:02] Yeah.

[00:47:02] Four of you.

[00:47:03] Yeah.

[00:47:04] Yes.

[00:47:04] I had just switched jobs. I was working at a bar. It was like a 20 minute drive, but they had a really

[00:47:11] good night crowd. The night that Robbie passed away, the bar phone was ringing, but there's like a country

[00:47:16] band playing. It's loud. You answer the phone. It's your significant other screaming into the

[00:47:20] phone. And you're like, I can't hear you. What are you trying to say? And he's like, our baby is dead.

[00:47:27] We need to come home. And I just didn't understand by this time. He's frustrated. I can't hear him.

[00:47:34] He's frantic. The police are on their way there. So I left everything and ran out of the work shift.

[00:47:41] Um, and I drove probably 110 miles an hour home. Sure. And then you pull into the parking lot and

[00:47:49] it's just fire trucks and ambulances. And your son is in a cop car with his friend who was having

[00:47:55] sleep over and you realize it's all real. Yeah.

[00:48:01] And I just started throwing up. So that was my involuntary reaction to that. Um, and you just,

[00:48:11] it's a, it's not natural to go through that. And I, I also carry guilt because I was so tired at that

[00:48:19] time in my life, you know, just exhausted and going back to work far too soon. Um, and there was a night,

[00:48:26] a couple of nights before that he had, he was sick. Um, my son had come home from his dad's and

[00:48:33] literally he's like, sees me and I'm dying and miserable. The baby's miserable. And he said,

[00:48:38] give me that baby. And you know, he was just so, so good with him, but I had come home from work and I,

[00:48:47] he was crying and I was exhausted and I sat next to his crew and I cried and I was like, God,

[00:48:53] please take this away from me. And I was like, Oh, well I asked for it and now I don't have it

[00:49:01] anymore. And, um, I just didn't know how to process all of that. I listened to Gary Allen's

[00:49:07] every storm runs out of rain, um, song on repeat for like three days. And I just couldn't stop the

[00:49:16] tears from coming out of my face, like a shuddering exhausting. Um, so that night when they,

[00:49:25] they, they kept everyone in police cars for a few hours and then they were like, we'll continue the

[00:49:30] investigation, but it doesn't look like foul play right now. And they took his body and they wouldn't

[00:49:34] let me see him again. Um, and I think that was one of the hardest things for me was that I never got

[00:49:39] that closure, you know? Um, but my younger brother had showed up, um, and he took my son

[00:49:49] to his dad's house and his dad, of course, is like, Christina, how can I help? And I was like, I

[00:49:57] don't think I can be a mom right now. I, I need you to take junior and, um, he made decisions that to

[00:50:05] like pull him out of school, put him in school with him, put a room together at the place he was at.

[00:50:10] It was very, very last minute. Um, and that's when I moved to Katie. So that entire experience

[00:50:19] brought me to this area of town where I started to work at Baker street, met a lot of my friends and

[00:50:27] colleagues here. Um, I also went right back to work immediately after it happened. People said I

[00:50:35] should wait a few weeks, but I was like, for what, what am I waiting for? I have just a

[00:50:39] Friday mess here. So I was able to put on a good face, go and work all day and then go sit in my car

[00:50:48] and cry the whole way home. Um, and then I would go and see junior on like Wednesdays for lunch at

[00:50:56] school. Um, pick him up on the weekends and we would go and do fun things. But I didn't realize the

[00:51:03] entire time he was also carrying a lot of burdens himself. So, you know, you're, you're picking him

[00:51:11] up and you're trying to have talks with them about like, what are your feelings and what are you going

[00:51:16] through? And of course there's like a billion things in my mind. And he was being very stoic at that

[00:51:23] time. And I didn't realize that, you know, I thought he wasn't communicating with me, but really he was

[00:51:28] keeping a secret from me about his experience during that whole experience. Um, I had been told

[00:51:37] from that night going on that he woke up in bed, something had happened and he went into the cop car

[00:51:47] and then he was like in there with his friend. And I didn't never over ask for details because I didn't

[00:51:54] want to know. So I'm like, okay, that's what the story is. But come to find out years later,

[00:51:59] he woke up to, um, my significant other at the time screaming, came out of his room,

[00:52:06] saw that my son was purple and blue, his little brother, and tried to give him CPR until

[00:52:14] the ambulance came. And I just can't imagine how scared he would have been at that moment,

[00:52:22] you know, and then processing that. And then your mom sent you off with your dad and his dad's

[00:52:28] military and, you know, don't really talk about emotions. You know, he loves him so much, but it's

[00:52:34] not that like, oh, I love you so much. Like, come here, let me hold you and cuddle you. I do wish that

[00:52:39] I didn't have the full story just so that I could properly navigate that afterwards and make decisions

[00:52:45] that were informed decisions. Like therapy would have been great after that, you know?

[00:52:52] Were you aware of resources and tools like that at the time?

[00:52:56] Yeah, yeah. So I actually did something that I think really helped me to continue moving on and

[00:53:03] stop wallowing in all of the pain that I felt and instead use that for mentoring other humans and

[00:53:12] finding strength inside myself and starting to soften my heart and doing a lot of healing of my own

[00:53:19] compassionate friends is a grief group. And I found them fairly early on. And so I would go,

[00:53:28] they meet like one Tuesday a month and my first meeting with them, I went and I sat down

[00:53:32] and everyone is introducing themselves and you get to, hi, I'm Christina Griffin. Uh, this is my son,

[00:53:43] Robbie van. He was four months old when we lost him to SIDS and you get to say their name and you get to

[00:53:49] acknowledge it. There were women in that group that six years after the death of their children

[00:53:56] couldn't walk to their mailboxes yet and were so overcome by their grief that it affected their

[00:54:04] day-to-day life. They consumed them and I didn't want to be like that. So if anything, it showed me

[00:54:10] if I didn't find the strength, what my future was going to be like and what I didn't want it to look

[00:54:17] like. So it at least gave me something to like strive for, um, to be able to be an active member of

[00:54:24] society still, even though I'm hurting and grieving. Cause I think that's one thing that we all

[00:54:30] experience together. We're all so different, but every single person in this room has experienced

[00:54:36] grief in some way. We've all lost someone that we love. So it's the grace in which we handle

[00:54:42] situations that really defines our character of who we are. And I think that was a lesson that I

[00:54:47] really started to learn in that moment. Let me ask me, how did you come across compassionate

[00:54:53] friends? So it's a good godsend. Yeah. Um, there, um, it's a national chapter. And so there's one here

[00:55:01] in Katie and through grief and everyone reaching out to me, it was a suggested group in the area by

[00:55:10] someone that I knew. And so I made the decision to go and though I didn't, I'm still signed up for the

[00:55:17] emails. And though I don't go every month now, there are times that my grief still overcomes me.

[00:55:24] It's been 12 years and I'll think that I'm over it. Right. You never get over it. And like his birthday

[00:55:32] this last Friday was just really solemn and melancholy for me. There is a day every year that is the

[00:55:41] national bereaved children's day. And they do something where you can bring a photo of your child

[00:55:47] and light a candle, say their names on a microphone. And it's heartbreaking, but that heartbreak

[00:55:55] humbles me. So I still participate in those things. And we still do a little birthday cake for him.

[00:56:03] Uh, and then on his anniversary of his death, my son and I always do something special. So

[00:56:10] we had him from October through February, February 2nd, uh, is when he passed away. His death

[00:56:18] certificate says February 3rd, but we know it was the second. So this giant life altering sadness and

[00:56:25] grief, I think you and I talked about, this is what propels you forward. Yeah. You're going to start

[00:56:30] making some serious changes moving forward. Yes. Absolutely. And I think that I have done such a

[00:56:38] wonderful job and I look at myself all the time and I say, I am so proud of you, Christina, because I

[00:56:45] moved out here and I genuinely wake up every morning. So grateful for what I have there. So much. I don't

[00:56:56] feel as if I deserve anything in the world. I am not entitled to anything in the world, whatever it decides

[00:57:04] to give me, I'm so grateful for, and I'll do the very best that I can with it. Just work hard every day

[00:57:11] and continue to exude that positivity. The positive things will come back to me.

[00:57:18] Okay. One of the things that you said was this situation softened your heart and opened your heart

[00:57:26] to a place where you can now start to make changes. Yes. I think that's a beautiful way to say it. Yes.

[00:57:32] And you can take those life altering moments and really go both ways. There is always the path of

[00:57:40] darkness that you can take and get sucked into. And it's a succubus. It's all encompassing,

[00:57:46] but there's also path of light, which can be harder sometimes. There's a lot of hard work involved

[00:57:54] and a lot of like introspection and looking at yourself and being like, was I morally correct

[00:57:59] in that situation? Did I say or do the right things? And being really honest with yourself.

[00:58:04] I think that being able to show your vulnerability to other humans is, it's a rarity.

[00:58:11] It's beautiful. Yeah. A lot of people aren't willing to be vulnerable. They want people to see

[00:58:15] what they think that person wants to see, but really people are craving authenticity.

[00:58:21] Yeah. Safe spaces.

[00:58:23] Yeah.

[00:58:24] I'm so glad you found that.

[00:58:26] Yes. I found my safe space.

[00:58:29] Thank you for joining us on Christina's powerful first episode of The Model Myth Diaries.

[00:58:33] We're deeply grateful for her openness, vulnerability, and the courage it takes to share

[00:58:38] such an impactful story. Christina's journey has just begun and there's so much more to uncover.

[00:58:44] Stay tuned for the next episode where we explore her path from heartbreak to healing.

[00:58:48] It's a story of resilience, growth, and finding light in the darkest moments.

[00:58:52] You won't want to miss it. Thank you for joining us on The Model Myth Diaries.

[00:58:56] If this episode resonates with you or someone you know,

[00:58:59] we'd love for you to share it and spread the inspiration.

[00:59:01] Don't forget to follow us wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube to stay connected.

[00:59:06] We'd appreciate it if you could take a moment and rate and review the podcast.

[00:59:09] It helps us reach more people with stories of transformation and growth.

[00:59:12] You can visit us at monomythsdiaries.com or text us directly from the show notes

[00:59:18] to reach out and keep the conversations going.

[00:59:20] Until next time, heroes, let's journey together through our model myths.

[00:59:24] We'll see you next time.