Ep 12 - Nikki's Journey to Faith and Hope

[00:00:03] Hi everyone, and welcome to the Monomyth Diaries, a podcast where ordinary people get to share their hero's journey. I'm Mandi And I'm Karen, and we'll be your hosts. We'll discover powerful insights, critical moments of growth, and much more. Thanks for joining us. We all have a Monomyth to share and someone out there needs to hear it. Welcome back to another episode of the Monomyth Diaries. It's a Take What You Like, Lead the Res podcast.

[00:00:33] Today's featured hero is a friend of mine and Karen's that we met in a local community workout group. To me, our guest emulates attraction over promotion. That just means that they're walking the walk. It's like that idea of leading by example. So we are super excited to have Nikki join us and welcome to the show. Thank you. Before we get into your journey, we're going to start with some Monomyth story starters. Mandi's going to hit you with the first one. What's your favorite movie snack?

[00:00:58] Don't throw something at me. I don't really snack at the movies. But if I did, I probably would do chocolate covered raisins. Whoa. But I don't snack. Somebody else said chocolate covered raisins. Was it you? Your husband maybe? No, my husband would snack on that. I'm sorry. That's my like, that's my return. I'm just not your favorite chocolate covered fruit. Just so you don't, do you not snack at the

[00:01:22] movies because they don't have food you like? Probably. Also, I just, yeah, most of like the snack food at movies or it's very unhealthy and I'm an integrative doctor and trying to lead by example, like I just don't snack on junk. All right. Good for you. But if I did this, I would pick chocolate covered raisins back in my heyday. Yes. Once upon a time when I was doing a lot of racing, I would sneak

[00:01:48] carrots into the movies with me. Okay. In my purse. Because I wanted to snack. Yes. But like not a junk. Not a junk. So how many carrots? Yes. People hear this like, it's crunchy. Just like popcorn. And at least you don't get the... And you're not making a mess. So Nikki, if you could have any job for a day, what would it be? It's funny when I was growing up, I wanted to be an aerobics instructor

[00:02:14] slash bus driver slash bagger at the grocery store. And my mom was really excited about these aspirations of mine. But um, like I always thought of being an aerobics instructor would be so fun with the little light microphone. And I kind of get to do that through the community workout group where you get to lead workouts. I'm kind of living my dream. Nice. Yeah. Nice. All right. Dogs or cats?

[00:02:38] 100% dogs. Do you have a dog? I have two dogs. I know you said you weren't going to get talking about your dog, but you don't want me to talk about my dog. You won't like me very much. I'll talk about my dogs. They're terrible dogs and they weren't so cute. I would have given them away a long time ago. Oh no. Yes. What kind of dogs are they? They're Morkies. So half Yorkie, half Maltese. And I never grew up

[00:03:01] with like little dogs and they're little and they're yappy and they like drive me insane. So, but they're very cute. Okay. And my children love the dogs. Oh good. Yes. You're a good mom. Yeah. My big dogs, yeah too. My dog barks all the time. It makes me crazy. Yeah. So that's why we can never record on Thursdays because the laundry comes and my dog barks all day. Oh no. Yeah. I did tell my daughter

[00:03:27] when her first year in college, when she has an apartment, she is taking the dogs at that point with her. So, but we'll see how that goes. We should keep reading until then. Yeah. That's right. That's right. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Oh goodness. My favorite holiday tradition. I would probably say on Christmas Eve, we have been going every year to a place called The Grotto and we do like a Christmas

[00:03:55] Eve lunch with whoever wants to come in our extended family. And it's awesome because it's kind of like round tables. And so you just really get to visit and it's just, we have like an open pizza oven, like fire going. And so, um, you can actually hear each other talk cause it's like a carpeted flooring and we just have the best conversations and I'm just getting our hearts ready for Christmas

[00:04:20] day. It's like very close to our church. So we did that. And then we go to like the two o'clock Christmas Eve service. What is or would be your go-to karaoke song? That's a tough one. We've been listening to a lot of Whitney Houston in our workouts lately. So I might be really good at doing, I want to dance with somebody. You get to wear your microphone. That's right. Wear a microphone. What is the first concert that you have ever attended? So the very first concert I ever attended was

[00:04:49] a Switchfoot concert that I took my husband to our very first year of marriage. And I had actually never been to a concert prior to that cause I knew he loved the band and I wanted to take him to that for his birthday. What's your favorite indulgence? Probably some kind of French baked good, like a chocolate croissant or something like that. Have you been to the French bakery? Yes. That's my

[00:05:14] cheat cause I like don't do gluten. So maybe like once a year I'll go there and have a cheat day. Last question. What is your favorite TV series? We just finished watching The Middle but probably Modern Family. That show cracks me up. I have not seen it. Oh you haven't? It's on my list. I was going to say I might have to put it on my list now. You might have to. The very first episode,

[00:05:40] it's hilarious. Can you feel uncomfortable? A little better? Oh yeah. All right. Awesome. I know you said before you were feeling a little nervous. I know, yes. Yeah. It's a lot. It is. We really appreciate you being here. So you mentioned a long time ago when we were in the workout group together. Yeah. A little bit about your journey and which is how I got to know some of your story. Yeah. I remember I was talking about the book of your Christianity and it hooked me. I know that your journey began in your late

[00:06:08] teens. So can you share a little bit about that with us? Sure. And it's funny because I don't even remember what I shared at the workout that like you said kind of touched you. But um, I mean, I would say my journey probably has been going on my entire life. Um, and it's my like journey with God. I think when I was about, I think I was 12, I did not grow up like in a Christian home. So,

[00:06:33] you know, we went maybe occasionally like Christmas or Easter to church. But when I was 12, my mom really wanted me to know who Jesus was, but she couldn't really share that with me and neither my father either. And so she sent me for two weeks down to Florida to go stay with my, um, aunt who she knew was like a believer. And so my aunt took me to her church and she shared about Jesus. And so that was probably the first time I kind of like got a full explanation really looking back was just God's

[00:07:03] like confidence then because starting in probably junior high is when my world kind of fell apart as I knew it. And so looking back, it's interesting that right before that time, I actually was introduced to who Jesus was. There was a little seed planted. Yeah. Yeah. That I didn't know before. I grew up, um, in my early childhood and honestly, I like, I think it was just pretty idyllic. I had

[00:07:28] parents, you know, that, um, were both at home that I felt loved by. I had my best friend down the street. We did like everything together. We had a big pasture in the back. I had a horse. I played outside all the time. My dad and I have the best memories and times of just being outdoors and going into do very hunting and taking me to the library. Like I just really had a great time. But like I said,

[00:07:53] once I hit junior high life as I knew it fell apart. And so, um, it was a pretty big shock when your life kind of starts falling apart and bad things start happening. You really start questioning, like, is God good? You know, who is God and is he good? Because when you're going through a lot of painful things, it's hard to like understand why. And kind of during that time of adolescence,

[00:08:18] when I think it's already a confusing time for a lot of people to see kind of like your parents' marriage dissolve. My dad had lost his job. My mom came down and was diagnosed with aggressive type of breast cancer and had to watch her do a double mastectomy, lose all her hair. While at the same time seeing my parents' marriage just dissolve in front of my eyes. It was just like an awful, awful time. But I was like, and also a pretty desperate time just thinking what is this crazy

[00:08:47] life all about? And what am I doing? How did you overcome all those feelings? Yeah. I mean, during my high school years, I had a good friend, we did track together. She invited me to go to her church and so started hearing more about God, but also was super confused because a lot of the people at the church were just kind of hypocritical and it was clicky. And so it was like, you're hearing one

[00:09:13] message, but then you're seeing something else like lived out. And so, I mean, I really was in a state of like wanting to know the truth, but also very confused about like, what was the truth with everything. And so I think that was kind of a very dark time in my life because I didn't know where really to turn and how to make the pain go away. You know, you just want it to stop and you want

[00:09:39] life to give you a breather. That was a really challenging time. And so I had a lot of doubts about God and are you good and what are you doing and what is going on? Yeah. Totally relate. Yeah. You could use the word powerless. Yeah. Powerless. Yeah. And all of these things going on around you. Yes, absolutely. And I tried to get a sense of control back by being a really good student.

[00:10:04] And I was like, I was straight A's all through high school. I was involved in whatever you could be involved in, play sports, president of clubs, you know, like I was trying to have some sense of control and to make some order to my life on what I could. So I was definitely an overachiever, but that came with a ton of anxiety and stress because it felt like at any moment I could let

[00:10:30] the ball drop and lose that sense of control. So you got a brief introduction to faith when you're 12. Yeah. And you have some time go past. Yeah. You're in church here and there with my friend. With your friends. Yeah. How did you find God moving forward? How did you find, how did you find your faith? Yeah. Because you said you were a little confused by saying all of these different messages.

[00:10:54] Right. Yeah. So I went off to college at Texas A&M and, um, you know, I remember crying when I saw my mom leave as she dropped me off to college, but I also was gifted those four years of really just being away from family of origin and kind of just having some space to try to like figure things out. And I remember I was in the Memorial Student Center at A&M and I was trying to study for an exam and,

[00:11:24] you know, they're having this internal struggle of God. Are you there? Are you good? Who are you? And I remember sitting at the table and I'm overlooking this Memorial Student Center area with the piano and people are studying. And I just remember tears coming from my eyes and like, God, if you're there, I just want to know, like, will you tell me? I want to know what the truth is. And please tell me. And like, I'm so desperate to just know. And nothing happened at that moment.

[00:11:50] And I, you know, I kind of pulled it together, packed up my stuff. But a couple of days later, I was sitting back at that table studying and a girl came up and asked if she could sit with me. And I said, sure. And so she sat and started asking me questions. I think one of the questions was like, if you were to die today and you were at the gates of heaven and they said, why should I let

[00:12:13] you win? And what would you say? This is a random person. Yes. And I was like, well, I've tried to be a good person and I've tried to do my best, those kinds of things. I'm like telling her this. And she was real sweet. And she was, we were talking for a while and she invited me to one of her friends birthday party. I said I would go, which I don't know why. Now looking back, like I would go with this random person. But anyway, I went and her friend,

[00:12:42] when she introduced me was so warm and like loving and happy sit by her at her party and just really like just loved on me. And so I actually started hanging out with the friend whose birthday it was over time. And she ended up later discipling me. And so it was really that relationship with her and she invited me. There was a church called Grace Bible Church there in College Station.

[00:13:07] And there was a ministry called Breakaway, which Pastor Greg Mott, who's he said you since first now, but he started that where I actually started being able to formulate like who God was through the church and my interactions with genuine believers. And that was one of the things that struck me about her, a genuinely kind, loving person who actually lived out what she was saying, which I

[00:13:31] hadn't seen before. And so that really was the start of me being able to really understand and learn about who this God is. It started there in the MSC at A&M with a prayer and just a desperate cry out to God. And it was just cool that he met me there. I mean, a couple of days later in that same spot. I heard you. That's incredible. He showed up. He showed up.

[00:13:56] Wow. Yeah. Okay. You hadn't shared that part of your story with me before. I love that so much. Yeah. Oh, goodness me. And I just smell blown away because that's very moving and just to see like God answers. Yeah. Sometimes it doesn't answer what we want to hear. That's right. He answers what we need to hear. And he doesn't answer usually when you want to know. Just like immediate. But yeah, it was his way of saying like, I hear you and I heard you and I'm meeting you right where you cried out to me.

[00:14:25] And this is happening your very first year of college. Yeah. So for those next four or five years. Yeah. You continue to attend the same church with the same friend. That's right. Yeah. And so I had opportunities to be discipled. So we were in a, I was in a small group. I think there was like four other girls. And so we would meet once a week all together to do a Bible study. And then I would meet once a week with her, Heather, just for accountability

[00:14:51] and like how's things going? How's your quiet times? How are you doing? It was a great time of growth for me before. Yeah. Well, would you say this was the time when your feelings were starting to change? Yeah. It's interesting because God was showing me so much. I learned just so much about who he is and who I am and who he created me to be. And it was a process of him slowly. Like I

[00:15:16] mentioned the control, like trying to control things. And there was so much anxiety and fear. It was a process of him taking me through letting go, honestly, of the things that I was holding on to, to give me a sense of security and a value. And I mean, I still, to this day, think he's doing that because I'm hardheaded. And so I keep going back to like old patterns. And so it's like this just,

[00:15:43] you know, continual journey of him telling me, Hey, you don't have to try to control everything. And would you also, how would you say were some of the significant changes that you were starting to notice in yourself as you're going down this spiritual journey? I think what's really difficult and even early on in my faith, and even it'll creep in now, I think for most people, when they

[00:16:07] are trying to find God, the order of things is really like you believe, and then you try to work to be good enough to deserve God's favor, and then you can be saved. And I think that's kind of ingrained in a lot of religious undertones. And I think with Jesus, it is in a different order is you

[00:16:29] believe and you are saved. And then you go on to do good works. You are not doing the works to earn your value. And that was like understanding that God was telling me like, I don't need you to do anything to be loved by me. I don't need you to do all these good works and these good things and make

[00:16:52] straight A's and have it all together for you to be valuable to me and for me to love you. Like I already love you. And if you don't do another thing, it doesn't matter because it's about the relationship with me. And that was so freeing. And like I said, I still will default to these old patterns of thinking because honestly, that's our world that we live in right now is like, it's a performance based world.

[00:17:18] You got to be good enough. And so it's hard to get out of that mindset and being like, no, I'm loved just the way I am. And, um, he wants me in relationship with me. He doesn't need me to do all these things. Now, of course I want to do good things because I want to be like him and love him, but it's not for me to like earn something. It's really just genuinely to express love to him. So it's a different motivation,

[00:17:46] I guess. Um, and it's freeing in a lot of ways because you can genuinely love people and love God without any strings being attached. And I think that was very difficult for me as I felt like everything had a string attached. Someone's going to do something, but they're going to expect something back from you. And so God was rewiring my brain. That's not how I work. There are no strings attached with me. You give for fun and for free. Yes, that's right. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:18:15] Were there any other key mentors? I know you've mentioned your aunt, right? That helped you when you were 12 and your friend that you've now met in college, were there any other mentors or key people that have helped you on your spiritual growth all along the way? That's the thing. And I, and that's one thing God showed me too. He's like ultimately my provider and he knows what I need along the journey and who I need along the journey and all along life, God opens doors and brings people

[00:18:43] in sometimes for a long time, sometimes just for a brief season, but they have changed me and, and impacted me. They've been his hands and feet in my life all along the way. I've had people and it could be, you know, pastors like Timothy Keller's had a huge impact on my spiritual growth. Um, and I've never met him with mere Christianity books speak to me and people's stories like biographies,

[00:19:07] like the hiding place of Corrie ten Boom. I spent so impassion, they love that story. But then I've had genuine people just love me and minister to me, like the ladies in our, you know, our workout group are just the hands and feet of Jesus and have blessed me with just being there for me with a word of encouragement. Or if something's going on, they've come by, you know, and help me out in whatever way. I have my church family and I have a Sunday school class that I've been with. My oldest is

[00:19:36] about to graduate, but we like raised our girls together and they've been there for me and parenting's hard. And so I've had these amazing Christian women who've bored into me when I've been down and love me. You seem to see everybody as your teacher. Yeah. God puts people in your restaurant for a reason. That's right. And sometimes it's sandpaper people that have changed me the most. I call them, I forget which you use the term. Sandpaper people. I love this. They're refining you, but it's unpleasant.

[00:20:04] And so I love this so much. That's why I love doing this show. I learn so much. And I hope that audiences learn to sandpaper people. Yeah. It's a new one. Yeah. And so you need sandpaper people in your life too, to help you grow because it's, you only have people that are just loving on you, encouraging all the time. It doesn't stretch you too much. It's very easy to be loving with loving people. Yeah. It's the people that are like really annoying you or trying to control you or all these

[00:20:32] things that really takes you depending on God. Yeah. To show love and mercy and grace and challenge with that. Yes. Actually scriptural because I like, but since you said sandpaper people, like I, it was the scripture that came to mind was this iron shepherds. Yes. Absolutely. So one person's shepherds another. That's right. And it's so cool to see how like you really built this incredible community and spiritual family. Yes. And you know, and it's humbling too,

[00:21:00] to remember you're someone sandpaper person, you know, like I remember that too, as I like trying to have grace for people. Yes. God always reminds me, Hey, you're someone sandpaper person too. So, you know, how you're treating them, remember that. Right. And then having sandpaper people makes me remember to pray for them. Yes. Yes. That's right. Yeah. Oh my gosh. How holy. You need

[00:21:23] to put that light on a t-shirt. That's actually an amazing reminder. Yeah. Something like I even love sandpaper people. Or I'm someone else's. I'm your sandpaper. Were there any other milestones, big milestones in your spiritual growth that you can recall? So I'd take milestones. One of the big ones was doing a mission trip. My very last, my senior year of college,

[00:21:51] and my Heather who discipled me really encouraged me to take this step, you know, of faith, which is interesting. So it was like right after 9-11 and flying on the plane, long distances was like, a little scary. It was an amazing trip. I like got to take it with some amazing Christians and you were sharing your faith and it was humbling as well because, you know, a lot of the people were like, Oh my gosh, I've shared about Jesus. And people are like accepting Jesus and coming to the faith or

[00:22:19] whatever. I don't, I didn't save a single person. At least not that I knew. No one said they were like coming to the faith from what I shared. For a while, it was a great learning experience because I felt towards the end, like man, I've been a failure. Like I've been an absolute failure. Like nobody came to the faith because of what I shared. And it was a great growing experience because God was like, you don't, you're not responsible for the results. You're responsible for being faithful

[00:22:45] and you're sharing my love and whatever happens that's on me and people, those relationships is not about you. You know, and you don't have any power to save anyone, which was super humbling and freeing too, that I'm not responsible for saving anyone, nor do I have the power to save a single person on this earth. But all I can do is just share my story and what God's done for me. But it was freeing to like have that at the beginning of kind of my faith and not like, I don't have that pressure

[00:23:15] on me. And I feel like that's what God's like, you carry so many things and so many burdens and worries. Like I'm constantly saying, give it over to me. You're not responsible for that. You know? So it was freeing. Can you share a time then where your faith was tested? I would say probably this year. It's been a rough fall in that my daughter is a senior and she turned 18 in September. And so that's always hard when you have someone who's an adult

[00:23:44] who's like living in your house for another year. There's a lot of dynamics that I just really wasn't anticipating or expecting. And also it's just coming to accumulation of like on her 18th birthday, you know, I'm looking through these pictures of when I held her in my arms when she was born. And here we are 18 years later and she's supposed to be launching soon. And really feeling this sense

[00:24:08] of again, going back to like, maybe I haven't done enough. I don't think I see the fruit of what like I thought I would see at this place in her life. Um, and, and it was hard and I kind of was beating myself up. Where did I kind of veer off? Where could I have done better? Um, and I felt when she was born, um, even before she was born, when I was pregnant with her, I was praying for her and I

[00:24:36] felt God give me the word wisdom for her and like have prayed that throughout her life. And, um, some of the choices that, you know, she's made in this probably past six months, I wouldn't, you know, identify as under the banner wisdom. And so I was just like, Lord, I feel like, where did I go wrong? And he's like, you've not gone wrong anywhere. Like, I mean, we've all gone wrong lots

[00:25:04] of places, but he's like, I'm in control of this and I have your daughter and I've had her since before she was ever born. And that word that you heard that I spoke over her is still speaking, is spoken over her. And I will take care of that coming to fruition in her life and my timing and my way. And so you can just trust in my promises. And so, um, that was been a struggle this year to

[00:25:30] just be like, I trust you Lord. And I trust what you, the word you gave me. And despite what eyes can see, I'm going to trust you and not like what I can see right here. So that's right. And it's hard when it's your kids, it's your babies. Cause you know, you just want so much for them. Right. Surrenders. Yeah. We just talked about this in the workout for the other day about, you know, surrendering your child at this age. They were on their own path. You got to give

[00:25:59] them the God. That's right. But I'm a learner. I was telling them that I just keep taking him back, you know, and then have to give them away again. That's taken back. It's so hard. It is hard. And I'm sure we'll constantly be in that struggle and like, Lord help us teach us. If they can help teach us. I always say having kids is the greatest test of faith anyone could do. Cause I think it's easier for people to walk into combat than it is to let go of their child.

[00:26:25] Yes. It's, it's, it's incredibly difficult. It definitely is. So your journey, I know you said began when you were young, it's probably been 20, 25 years. How do you feel like your perspective, thinking back to that young person who was just getting to know your faith to today? How do you think your perspective has shifted? The one thing that's comforting for me now that I do know is

[00:26:49] that this is a blink of an eye, this life that we're living right now. And there is all of eternity of perfection. I don't have to have perfection right now and have it all together and all figured out. And that's freeing. I think that's all the questions that we have for you. So as we close today's first episode, I want to thank you. You're so authentic. I just love the account of your journey of faith. Your reflections offer hope and connection. I know that your story has touched

[00:27:17] me so much and it's changed my life tremendously on my faith walk. I truly appreciate that. To our listeners, we want to thank you for joining us. We want to make sure that you tune in for Nikki's second episode where she's going to share the boons and the gifts of her hard work and how her journeys transferred her life in such meaningful ways. Thank you. Thank you for joining us on the Monomyth Diaries. If this episode resonates with you or someone you know, we'd love for you to share it

[00:27:46] and spread the inspiration. Don't forget to follow us wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube to stay connected. We'd appreciate it if you could take a moment and rate and review the podcast. It helps us reach more people with stories of transformation and growth. You can visit us at monomythdiaries.com or text us directly from the show notes to reach out and keep the conversations going. Until next time, heroes, let's journey together through our Monomyths.