Ep 2 - Mandi's Christmas Disaster (part 2)

[00:00:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Hi everyone and welcome to the Monomyth Diaries, a bi-monthly podcast where ordinary people

[00:00:10] [SPEAKER_02]: get to share their hero's journey.

[00:00:12] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm Mandi, and I'm Karen, and we'll be your hosts.

[00:00:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Each episode will feature a hero who will share their journey of growth.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_02]: We'll hear stories about forgiveness, survival, determination, and much more.

[00:00:25] [SPEAKER_02]: We're glad you're joining us because we all have a monomyth to share and someone

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_03]: out there needs to hear it.

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to the Monomyth Diaries to our second episode.

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Just a quick reminder to our audience that this is an advice-free zone.

[00:00:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Take what you like and leave the rest.

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_01]: This is my personal journey of my monomyth only.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_03]: Alright, so at the end of our episode one, we left off with you calling Diane

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_03]: and her telling you she's going to pick you up on Monday.

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_03]: So let's talk about Diane and Pete.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_03]: What was it about their relationship that you wanted and how did meeting them

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_03]: change your perspective?

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Diane and Pete.

[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh man, okay so I worked with Diane for about five years before I knew anything

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_01]: about her being in a program.

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_01]: We worked at a school for children with special needs and it was a super

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_01]: stressful environment.

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_01]: You know when you're working with a special needs population you've got

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_01]: obviously kids that are a little more difficult and you have parents who are

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_01]: grieving and learning to deal with their children.

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_01]: You've got a lot of administrators that you're working with and a lot of

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_01]: additional outside professionals at any rate.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_01]: So she and I are working together side by side in the classroom.

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_01]: We were both teachers together so she and I worked together with ten students.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_01]: And she actually was nicknamed at one point the child whisperer.

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh yes, she was pretty amazing.

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_01]: She just had this gift for behaving with grace and dignity no matter the situation,

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_01]: no matter whether there was conflict or stress.

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_01]: She just handled everything so patiently.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_01]: She was super understanding and during those five years we became very good friends.

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_01]: We started spending a lot of time together outside of work.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_01]: We'd go shopping together, sometimes we'd have dinner together and I was slowly

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_01]: getting introduced to her husband as well.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_01]: It's important to note that she also could be my mother.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_01]: She's currently now in her mid-70s and pates in his 80s.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_01]: So of course I met her obviously like 25 years ago.

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_01]: And so Pete used to come into the classroom and help us sometimes.

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_01]: So I started to meet him this way and he'd come in and he was always happy and jovial.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_01]: What can I do for you guys?

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_01]: They were so cute and they just interacted so nicely together.

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Their relationship was just beautiful.

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how else to explain it.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I never saw them fight or have disagreements and even if they did,

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_01]: if they weren't on the same page, they talked things out.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_01]: It was just something that I wasn't really used to.

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_01]: And I was thinking one of the examples of,

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean even when she was working with the students

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_01]: and I didn't know this at the time because I wasn't in program yet

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_01]: she used to say things to these kids.

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Who knew they were different right?

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_01]: She would say you're perfectly imperfect.

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_01]: And she always worked with them so they understood that they had gifts.

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Some things were struggles but they were really good at other things.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_01]: And she just had this beautiful way of talking kids down when they were emotional or upset.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, so Diane and Pete, super instrumental in my life.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_03]: Great, so what an incredible visual.

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_03]: So Diane picks you up on Monday, where does she pick you?

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm just backing up a little bit.

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I know in the last episode I told you that I had called her,

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_01]: my husband was just behaving again and she said I'll pick you up on Monday right?

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And so she's picking me up to take me to an Al-Anon meeting.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Al-Anon is the sister program of AA is how I refer to it.

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_01]: AA being Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_01]: And so Alcoholics Anonymous is to help people stop drinking

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_01]: and learn tools to not drink and handle life pretty much in a simple way of saying.

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_01]: And Al-Anon is a program that models those same 12 steps.

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_01]: We use the Serenity Prayers just like they do.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_01]: We use all the same guiding principles.

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_01]: So she's picking me up to take me to this program that is designed for people

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_01]: who aren't the alcoholic but are married to or involved in some way,

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_01]: whether it's a parent-child or child-parent relationship or a friend,

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_01]: an aunt or uncle because they are bothered by someone else's drinking.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_01]: That's really the only qualification to go to an Al-Anon meeting

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_01]: is to set somebody's drinking bothers you

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_01]: or somebody's drinking has affected you in some way.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_01]: And so for me, obviously, I grew up with two parents who were active drinkers.

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_01]: They weren't proclaimed alcoholics.

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_01]: They never said they were alcoholics but looking back,

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I obviously know that they drank too much.

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_01]: So that's where I went.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_03]: So what were your initial thoughts and feelings during your first Al-Anon meeting?

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_01]: It was stressful.

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I'm not going to lie.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_01]: It was anxiety-producing.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_01]: I had a lot of fear.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_01]: It's like going into the unknown, right?

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_01]: But I was also super curious to learn what it was that made Diane and Pete

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_01]: she swore that this is why she behaved with so much grace and dignity,

[00:06:20] [SPEAKER_01]: that this is what changed her and she didn't always used to be that way.

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_01]: So of course I had some natural curiosity as well.

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_01]: And then while I was at the meeting,

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_01]: and all the meetings are a little different but they all follow a set of guidelines.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_01]: But during my first one, there was a person who was leading the meeting

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_01]: and a person who was chairing the meeting.

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_01]: And so it was on some topic and I'll be honest,

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_01]: you know, it was a long time ago and I don't remember

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_01]: what that particular meeting topic was about

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_01]: but they in that meeting they focused on solutions.

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_01]: So everything was, you know, there's this problem

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_01]: and what are some solutions that people have tried.

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_01]: And so people take turns in that meeting sharing things that have worked for them.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_01]: And so I started hearing all of these stories about how people were handling unhealthy situations.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_01]: And so I felt, I started to feel a little bit of relief at that meeting

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_01]: to know that I wasn't the only one struggling with these kinds of things.

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_01]: But really at the end of the day I had this overpowering sense

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_01]: still that I didn't belong there.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I still wasn't convinced that alcohol was my problem.

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_01]: But again it's only my first meeting.

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_01]: But I did stay for Diane.

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I really didn't want to disappoint her.

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_01]: And I know we talked about in the first episode that I have fear of abandonment.

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_01]: And so I have this people pleasing in me.

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm going to do everything I can to please you so that you won't leave.

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's how I felt in the beginning of attending Al-Anon meetings.

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_01]: So like at the end of this meeting Diane said,

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_01]: well I'll pick you up again next week so I really couldn't get out of it.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_01]: She was really gentle and saying,

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_01]: well I'll just pick you up next Monday.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_01]: See you next Monday.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Right? Like we're going to do this.

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_01]: And in that very first meeting she also did something that was so important.

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_01]: She assigned herself to be my sponsor.

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of times when you're new to Al-Anon you kind of wait and you get to know people

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_01]: and then you ask somebody to be your sponsor.

[00:08:30] [SPEAKER_01]: But she knew me well enough to know that I was never going to do that.

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean she was just so amazing at knowing exactly what I needed.

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_01]: You know by saying I'll pick you up, I'll be your sponsor.

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_01]: But I will say that gradually I do start attending every single Monday.

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I do start working a program with her but again because I'm working this program for her.

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Not for me.

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh sorry go ahead.

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_03]: So let's just back up one second here.

[00:09:05] [SPEAKER_03]: What's this, can you share with us?

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_03]: What's the state of your marriage at this point before?

[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, let's talk a little bit more about that.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_01]: Because that's really ultimately that situation that where Diane tells me about Al-Anon.

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay so my relationship with my ex-husband who at the time was my husband was super rocky.

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_01]: We weren't married very long I'll be honest.

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_01]: In total we were married about four years.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Dated for a couple, married for four.

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_01]: But during those four years something was just off.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_01]: You know my gut was telling me something was off.

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't very good yet at trusting my gut.

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_01]: But he was behaving kind of sketchy as the word that I would use.

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_01]: And I know that there's probably young people in the audience or people that are watching this

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_01]: might not know what the word sketchy is.

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_01]: But you know he's just acting, he's off.

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_01]: And I can't put my finger on it.

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_01]: As he was in the construction business.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_01]: And so sometimes he would leave for a week at a time and be really unreachable.

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_01]: And at the time my gut told me that was really wrong.

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_01]: He should be reachable.

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_01]: But still I thought well he's working maybe he doesn't have cell phone signal.

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_01]: We have to also remember this is you know 18 years ago.

[00:10:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_01]: You know so he's that's happening financially.

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_01]: He's not really helping.

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm holding the bird and financially I'm paying the house note.

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm paying the car notes.

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm paying for everything at this point.

[00:10:47] [SPEAKER_04]: Oh wow.

[00:10:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_01]: So he's really not helping financially but he's got this business where he's supposed to be

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_01]: making money but he's not right like so you always had some excuse that you know his business

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_01]: isn't making any money so it really doesn't have anything to contribute.

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_01]: So that's happening at this time.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_01]: So if we look at maybe me being approximately a year into program I get pregnant.

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's probably important to note too that he and I had this in and out relationship

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_01]: where we don't want to be married anymore but we're going to work it out.

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_01]: We're not going to get married anymore and we're going to work it out.

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_01]: So there's that turmoil going on right.

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_01]: So year into program I get pregnant and over this time you know that I'm going to

[00:11:38] [SPEAKER_01]: program I had invited my ex-husband to go but he really didn't want any part of it

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_01]: right.

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm slowly and gradually changing and growing and he's not but I'm still hanging on to that

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_01]: hope that he will change and maybe he'll come around and he'll want to be different.

[00:11:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Now that I'm pregnant you know I'm now starting to enter into that oh my gosh I don't want

[00:12:03] [SPEAKER_01]: to live this way right like I'm starting to get those feelings if I don't want to

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_01]: raise a child this way.

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to live this way anymore but now that I'm pregnant I'm afraid to be alone right

[00:12:14] [SPEAKER_01]: like nobody wants to raise a child alone right.

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Like nobody goes into the saying yay I'm going to raise this kid by myself.

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_01]: So anyway there's a little bit of that starting to seep in that I don't you know I don't

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_01]: want to raise my child this way.

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_03]: So this is a year into program.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_03]: Ish.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_03]: You've known Diane how many years at this point.

[00:12:35] [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah six so when I'm pregnant yeah five or six years something like that timeline wise

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah.

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_03]: Okay so obviously her relationship with you is very significant can you describe for

[00:12:50] [SPEAKER_03]: us a specific moment with her example of unconditional love made a huge impact on your life.

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah I can actually.

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my gosh there's so many to pick from I love Diane so much.

[00:13:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I can just cry like seriously we should always keep Kleenex's in here.

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah so when I was pregnant I was at the end of my first trimester and I guess I should

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_01]: back up a little bit.

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_01]: When I was first pregnant I miscarried and I think we talked about that a little

[00:13:30] [SPEAKER_01]: bit in the very beginning and so a month later after you know you miscarry whatever you

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_01]: get back to the doctor and they kind of check you out and it turns out I was still pregnant.

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh wow.

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah so technically they have said that my son was supposed to be a twin so here I am

[00:13:47] [SPEAKER_01]: still pregnant right and it's crazy.

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh my goodness.

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah it's really kind of a crazy story.

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm still pregnant and I make it through my first trimester taking medication because

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_01]: my body doesn't produce a particular hormone that I needed so I'm taking these hormones

[00:14:05] [SPEAKER_01]: and I end up on bed rest after my first trimester because I ended up with a tear in my

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_01]: placenta.

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh wow.

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah it was hard to be on bed rest from I think it was like 20 weeks on and I have

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_01]: to remember my ex husband has kind of hit or miss he's sometimes around sometimes not

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_01]: around and so I'm on bed rest and Diane is coming to my house regularly and having one

[00:14:35] [SPEAKER_01]: on one out on meetings with me because now I can't get to meetings.

[00:14:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:14:38] [SPEAKER_01]: And so she's coming over and we're reading literature together and we're working the

[00:14:41] [SPEAKER_01]: 12 steps and she's bringing me food because I'm really not supposed to be out of the

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_01]: bed.

[00:14:48] [SPEAKER_01]: And one night I just remember I was crying and crying and crying because I realized that

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to do this by myself and I'm like oh my god I'm going to have to raise this

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_01]: child alone.

[00:15:00] [SPEAKER_01]: And I remember her holding my hand and saying Mandy you may not have a husband but you're

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_01]: not alone.

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_01]: You're not going to be alone anymore.

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_01]: And you see I'm going to cry.

[00:15:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I just that was so important to me because you know I've got this sense of abandonment

[00:15:18] [SPEAKER_01]: and for the first time I really feel like you know she's not going to leave me.

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to have to do this alone and that was so monumental so monumental that's

[00:15:33] [SPEAKER_01]: you know she and so if you fast forward I still have to go to doctor's appointments

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_01]: where I do have to get out of the bed.

[00:15:39] [SPEAKER_01]: And she comes and she picks me up.

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_01]: She's the one who takes me to every single appointment.

[00:15:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Not my ex husband.

[00:15:48] [SPEAKER_01]: She did.

[00:15:49] [SPEAKER_01]: She made sure I got there.

[00:15:50] [SPEAKER_01]: She made sure I was where I needed to be.

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_01]: She made sure I was okay and held my hand through the whole thing.

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_01]: She was there the day that my son was born.

[00:15:59] [SPEAKER_01]: One of the few people who were you know that's still part of his life that was

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_01]: there that day.

[00:16:06] [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah so that is one of those times that I and again I can tell you so many

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_01]: more but that one so stands out to me.

[00:16:14] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Wow oh my gosh I'm so glad that you'd met Diane and that she was present because

[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_03]: clearly I'm like jaws on the ground right now so forgive me that I'm like

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_03]: speechless.

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah that's incredible.

[00:16:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah she does that to me.

[00:16:37] [SPEAKER_03]: So backtracking like you know your your entered this new realm if you will if we

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_03]: can go out and on like this new universe how did your reasons for joining

[00:16:47] [SPEAKER_03]: Allen on evolve wanting to fix your ex husband and not disappointing Diane

[00:16:53] [SPEAKER_03]: because she was like I pick you every Monday every Monday and you're

[00:17:00] [SPEAKER_03]: actively like taking agency in this and seeking a better life for your son.

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_03]: That's it.

[00:17:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah yeah you're right initially when I got into program I was there looking

[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_01]: for solutions on how to make my ex husband behave that's really what I

[00:17:20] [SPEAKER_01]: wanted and I think you'll hear that from a lot of people who get into

[00:17:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Allen on as they really initially go because they want to get somebody

[00:17:28] [SPEAKER_01]: sober or they want to change somebody else right so that is originally why

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I started going and then of course I stuck around because I didn't want

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_01]: to disappoint Diane and then of course I get pregnant right and so as I said

[00:17:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I started to get these feelings of I don't want to raise a child the way

[00:17:49] [SPEAKER_01]: that I was raised which is how this was feeling with my ex husband

[00:17:54] [SPEAKER_01]: and so I start seeing and attending meetings because I want to break the

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_01]: cycle right like so there and I know that's a common phrase that you hear

[00:18:07] [SPEAKER_01]: you know alcoholism runs deep in my side and my ex husband side of the family

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_01]: and I am determined that I'm going to break the cycle because I don't

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_01]: want Western to grow up that way right but I'm still teetering on that

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_01]: offensive I haven't quite gotten that really it's a program for me to for myself

[00:18:31] [SPEAKER_01]: for self-reflection so I'm still kind of teetering on that you know I'm really

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_01]: here for Weston but sort of here for myself if that makes sense yes yeah

[00:18:43] [SPEAKER_03]: wow that's a lot of process though definitely and so proud of you for having

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_03]: come out the other side thank you so I'm catching everybody up today as of today

[00:18:57] [SPEAKER_03]: you weren't married to your first husband anymore you know

[00:19:01] [SPEAKER_03]: I've been for a while do you mind sharing with us what happened and why do you

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_01]: consider this to be the biggest blessing in your life yeah I like to call it the

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Christmas disaster I am not married to him anymore you know I I think it's again

[00:19:25] [SPEAKER_01]: you and I talked about this it's important to note that I hung around in

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_01]: that marriage longer than I should have but it was a blessing you know I'm

[00:19:34] [SPEAKER_01]: grateful that I was married to him and I'm grateful that I divorced him but let's

[00:19:39] [SPEAKER_01]: talk about what really like nail in the coffin for me that gave me the biggest

[00:19:43] [SPEAKER_01]: awakening on Christmas when my son was little he probably he was not a year old

[00:19:50] [SPEAKER_01]: yet I had gone to Ohio to visit my sister so I'm staying with my sister

[00:19:55] [SPEAKER_01]: and her husband my brother's there my sister's kids and my ex-husband so

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_01]: we're all up there and on Christmas morning he was asleep and his phone rang

[00:20:07] [SPEAKER_01]: this is very much a Jerry Springer story I don't know if all of our listeners know

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_01]: who Jerry Springer is but it was this crazy talk show back in the 90s or 80s

[00:20:18] [SPEAKER_01]: and 90s where all these crazy things happened to Jerry Springer anyway if

[00:20:22] [SPEAKER_01]: you don't know look it up and he so he's sleeping in the bed this phone

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_01]: rings and I answered his phone and this woman asks to speak to him which I didn't

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_01]: find too terribly strange at the time because he was an electrician and he

[00:20:39] [SPEAKER_01]: did get a lot of calls you know especially in emergency situations

[00:20:42] [SPEAKER_01]: where people needed you know some electrical work done especially if their

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_01]: power goes out in the middle of an eye or you know some kind of issue so

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_01]: that did happen so but on Christmas morning I did find it a little strange

[00:20:53] [SPEAKER_01]: and so the so I asked you know this woman I said well he's sleeping I take a message

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_01]: and she said yeah Tom so-and-so called and I'll be honest I don't even remember

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_01]: this woman's name and I said do you mind do you mind telling me how you know him

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_01]: and she said you know there's like this strange pause because I could tell her

[00:21:14] [SPEAKER_01]: she was feeling awkward like I was feeling awkward and she said well

[00:21:18] [SPEAKER_01]: we've been dating for three years right and at that moment I'm like what you know

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_01]: I I've been married to him for the last four you know and I'm holding his son

[00:21:31] [SPEAKER_01]: you know to his son and she couldn't believe it she had no idea she had no

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_01]: idea whatsoever that he was married with a child and so it got really awkward

[00:21:43] [SPEAKER_01]: from there anyway she ended up hanging up on me I can't understand why she'd hang

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_01]: up because she's in just as much a shock as I am right and so of course I wake him

[00:21:53] [SPEAKER_01]: up to say what is happening you know there was this woman on the phone and so

[00:21:58] [SPEAKER_01]: anyway so of course I'm upset and crying I'm holding Weston and I'm holding his

[00:22:06] [SPEAKER_01]: phone and he wants his phone back he's angry he was very angry that I

[00:22:12] [SPEAKER_01]: answered his phone and very angry that I wouldn't give him a phone back right

[00:22:15] [SPEAKER_01]: because of course I'm like what the heck what else is in this phone right and

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_01]: because I wouldn't give him his phone back he hit me while I was holding Weston

[00:22:27] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah it hit me in the face yeah it was bad you know and I know I shared a little

[00:22:34] [SPEAKER_01]: bit before about there were you know he he was aggressive but he'd never been

[00:22:39] [SPEAKER_01]: physically hurtful to me and in the time that I knew him I will say that this was a

[00:22:44] [SPEAKER_01]: this was a once-and-only so I will give him that and I know not that there's any

[00:22:51] [SPEAKER_01]: excuse for what he did but I will say that that they had never ever happened

[00:22:54] [SPEAKER_01]: and it had only happened once and I was only gonna let it happen once yeah so my

[00:22:59] [SPEAKER_01]: brother my brother-in-law my sister this is all happening they come upstairs

[00:23:05] [SPEAKER_01]: and yeah from there we pretty much threw him out you know they said here's your

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_01]: stuff don't come back yeah I mean we'll spare you all the rest of the details

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_01]: but that day I realized I one couldn't do this anymore I was never gonna go

[00:23:24] [SPEAKER_01]: back to being that person that I was that I brought into this marriage you know

[00:23:32] [SPEAKER_01]: when he and I got together we were both sick you know and I use the word sick it

[00:23:39] [SPEAKER_01]: could be unhealthy you know we both came from alcoholic backgrounds you know his

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_01]: manifested in one way my manifested in the other in another way and I realized

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_01]: that I picked him you know that there was something wrong with me too he

[00:23:56] [SPEAKER_01]: wasn't the only one who brought this to the marriage you know what I mean he

[00:24:00] [SPEAKER_01]: wasn't the only one to blame and so I realized at that moment I got to work on

[00:24:07] [SPEAKER_01]: me you know this is not yes Weston will benefit if he can if we can break the

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_01]: cycle but I've got work on me you know I mean I'm the only person who can fix

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_01]: the situation I can't expect him to change I can't you know try to change

[00:24:24] [SPEAKER_01]: you know what Weston's environment unless I work on me and so to answer your

[00:24:31] [SPEAKER_01]: question about the biggest blessing I I'm so grateful that I met him and I'm so

[00:24:39] [SPEAKER_01]: grateful that I married him because I wouldn't have found program right you

[00:24:44] [SPEAKER_01]: know I wouldn't have found it as early as I did and I'm so grateful that

[00:24:49] [SPEAKER_01]: forced him you know but at the same time I got Weston I got our son and he's such a

[00:24:56] [SPEAKER_01]: blessing in my life you know and anything bad that I would say about my ex

[00:25:02] [SPEAKER_01]: husband would be like saying bad about what half about Weston if that makes

[00:25:07] [SPEAKER_01]: sense yeah you know so I'm grateful for him Alan on a general has given me so

[00:25:15] [SPEAKER_01]: many tools and handling situations in my life of handling the effects of alcoholism

[00:25:21] [SPEAKER_01]: you know take what you like and leave the rest is something that I learned there

[00:25:25] [SPEAKER_01]: you know it's so important to me that you know take the good things with you

[00:25:29] [SPEAKER_01]: you know not everything is going to be good you know problems or gifts we

[00:25:33] [SPEAKER_01]: grow from right yeah so yeah it's it's it's such a gift that Christmas was

[00:25:39] [SPEAKER_01]: such a gift that shaped my journey in Allen because I'm gonna move forward

[00:25:43] [SPEAKER_01]: really and truly looking at myself and working on myself and trying to be a

[00:25:50] [SPEAKER_01]: better person for not only myself but for Weston because let it begin with me

[00:25:56] [SPEAKER_01]: right and that's the only way if I like you know if I want to see change I got

[00:26:01] [SPEAKER_01]: to start with me and I had never ever thought that prior to meeting Diane

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_03]: being an Alamon so gift the gift the last question I'm gonna ask is you know when

[00:26:17] [SPEAKER_03]: you share about your ex husband there's not anger there's not hostility with you

[00:26:22] [SPEAKER_03]: like what was you know what did you learn in program to be able to adopt that

[00:26:28] [SPEAKER_03]: attitude to not be bitter and and actually be very grateful like appreciative

[00:26:35] [SPEAKER_03]: which is it feels so counterintuitive

[00:26:41] [SPEAKER_01]: how'd you come yeah they so there's so many things that I've learned in program

[00:26:47] [SPEAKER_01]: that has helped me not be resentful and bitter an attitude is one of them

[00:26:53] [SPEAKER_01]: it's funny that you would say that in the early on in the beginning when I

[00:26:57] [SPEAKER_01]: first started working with Diane she used to have me make this gratitude

[00:27:02] [SPEAKER_01]: list all the time you know and she she would tell me you need to have an

[00:27:06] [SPEAKER_01]: attitude of gratitude and it was a constant every day process of going

[00:27:15] [SPEAKER_01]: through and thinking of things that I was grateful for because again it wasn't

[00:27:19] [SPEAKER_01]: intuitive and she said let's just start with the simple things did you have

[00:27:23] [SPEAKER_01]: food on your table today did you have a roof over your head did your car get

[00:27:28] [SPEAKER_01]: you to work I mean it was all those things of learning to have an attitude

[00:27:32] [SPEAKER_01]: of gratitude one of the other things was not having a resentment you know they

[00:27:38] [SPEAKER_01]: she would teach me that and all of the people that are in program with me would

[00:27:43] [SPEAKER_01]: teach me that you know having a resentment is like drinking poison and

[00:27:48] [SPEAKER_01]: hoping someone else dies and that made so much sense to me you know there

[00:27:55] [SPEAKER_01]: there's just so many things that they have taught us you know and that we teach

[00:27:59] [SPEAKER_01]: each other another one is I want to I want to be better I don't want to be bitter

[00:28:05] [SPEAKER_01]: you know it's a terrible way to live life being bitter you know I want to be

[00:28:09] [SPEAKER_01]: better I don't want to be bitter so yeah I mean I wouldn't have Weston if it

[00:28:14] [SPEAKER_01]: wasn't for him so how can I not be grateful you know it's been an

[00:28:22] [SPEAKER_01]: incredible journey you know I tell people all the time if you didn't know me

[00:28:26] [SPEAKER_01]: 20 years ago we probably wouldn't be friends you know I was a very different

[00:28:30] [SPEAKER_01]: person you know I had all kinds of coping mechanisms for dealing with

[00:28:37] [SPEAKER_01]: alcoholism I surrounded myself with unhealthy people I just wasn't I'm

[00:28:42] [SPEAKER_01]: so different now and I think you attract you know the kind of people

[00:28:47] [SPEAKER_01]: that you are you know what you what you attract so I'm a happy positive person

[00:28:52] [SPEAKER_01]: today and I think that I attract those kinds of people now you know back then

[00:28:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I attracted people who weren't that way because I wasn't if that makes sense yeah

[00:29:02] [SPEAKER_03]: so I just really want to point out and commend you like in spite of

[00:29:10] [SPEAKER_03]: everything that had happened and behavior of your ex-husband in the

[00:29:13] [SPEAKER_03]: actions he took you still refuse to say anything negative about him I really do

[00:29:20] [SPEAKER_01]: try not to again it would be like saying something negative about Weston

[00:29:26] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah because that's not I mean that's he's he's a sick person I wish the best for

[00:29:32] [SPEAKER_01]: him I hope he gets help I do I think anybody who's in that sort of situation

[00:29:39] [SPEAKER_01]: all you can do is pray for them how can you want blessings if you don't

[00:29:41] [SPEAKER_01]: the same ones for others right so yeah so seriously kudos to you for having that

[00:29:47] [SPEAKER_03]: realization that like I mean I could totally I think if I was in your

[00:29:51] [SPEAKER_03]: situation I I would be tempted to trash talk and play that like just be like I'm

[00:29:58] [SPEAKER_03]: a victim here look what he did to me but you refuse to do that and out of

[00:30:04] [SPEAKER_03]: acknowledgement for how that's gonna impact your son yeah that's so that's

[00:30:09] [SPEAKER_03]: thank you thank you thank you so speaking of Weston yeah so we decided at

[00:30:17] [SPEAKER_01]: the end of every one of our episodes that we're gonna give a shout out to

[00:30:21] [SPEAKER_01]: somebody who has been instrumental in helping us get this podcast launched

[00:30:28] [SPEAKER_01]: again back to that attitude of gratitude so we want to make sure that we're

[00:30:31] [SPEAKER_01]: letting people know that we're grateful for the things that they've given to

[00:30:33] [SPEAKER_01]: us for fun and for free to help us on our journey of sharing these stories with

[00:30:37] [SPEAKER_01]: other people so who are we giving a shout out today we're gonna shout out Weston

[00:30:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Weston Jones's business what's it called bolder and lens photography so my son is

[00:30:50] [SPEAKER_01]: starting a photography business he's been awesome and letting us use his camera

[00:30:56] [SPEAKER_01]: his lighting he's taken pictures for us he helps us with editing he's really

[00:31:02] [SPEAKER_01]: been amazing yeah so he's been a little entrepreneur now yeah and started

[00:31:07] [SPEAKER_01]: a photography business so big shout out to him thank you we wouldn't be here today

[00:31:12] [SPEAKER_01]: he actually right before we started this podcast today was up here setting up

[00:31:16] [SPEAKER_01]: showing us how to use the camera still and how to use the microphones in the

[00:31:20] [SPEAKER_01]: lighting yeah so it's bolder lens photography at the end of this episode

[00:31:26] [SPEAKER_01]: we'll drop that link to his website in the notes yeah so thank you to him I

[00:31:33] [SPEAKER_01]: love that he's given for fun and for free and give back to community like his mom

[00:31:38] [SPEAKER_03]: yeah and we're so grateful for him to help us launch and we want to return favor

[00:31:43] [SPEAKER_03]: and launch him and bolder as in rock boulder mm-hmm but play on words like

[00:31:49] [SPEAKER_01]: bold like the bold that's right yeah very clever of him boulder lens

[00:31:55] [SPEAKER_01]: photography thanks for pointing that out so anyway in our next episode we're

[00:32:00] [SPEAKER_01]: going to talk about the boons which are the gifts of my journey and the impact

[00:32:07] [SPEAKER_01]: of community so we're really looking forward to another episode so be sure to

[00:32:11] [SPEAKER_01]: hit like subscribe and follow us and we'll see you next time thanks for

[00:32:16] [SPEAKER_03]: joining us we hope you stay on and catch episode 3 where we come to the

[00:32:21] [SPEAKER_03]: amazing conclusion of your journey so stay tuned thank you for joining us

[00:32:28] [SPEAKER_03]: today if you enjoyed this episode please share hit like subscribe and follow us

[00:32:34] [SPEAKER_03]: on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts feel free to email us at

[00:32:39] [SPEAKER_03]: Monomyth Diaries at gmail.com with your monomyth and keep the conversations

[00:32:44] [SPEAKER_01]: going until next time heroes let's journey together through stories