Ep 5 - Karen's Learning to Embrace Adversity with Love (part 2)

[00:00:05] Hi everyone and welcome to the Monomyth Diaries, a bi-monthly podcast where ordinary people get to share their hero's journey.

[00:00:13] I'm Mandi and I'm Karen and we'll be your hosts. Each episode will feature a hero who will share their journey of growth.

[00:00:20] We'll hear stories about forgiveness, survival, determination and much more.

[00:00:26] We're glad you're joining us because we all have a monomyth to share and someone out there needs to hear it.

[00:00:33] Welcome back to another episode of the Monomyth Diaries. In Karen's first episode, she shared her deeply personal journey of growing up as the only person of color in her school and community.

[00:00:45] She recounted the challenges she faced being Chinese American, feeling the weight of duality as she navigated the pressure to fit in while struggling with her cultural identity.

[00:00:55] She spoke about the pain of being teased for her clothes, language and even the food that she brought to school.

[00:01:01] These experiences shaped much of her early life, leading her to hide aspects of herself in a quest for acceptance.

[00:01:08] However, Karen's story took a pivotal turn during her high school and college years when she encountered an inclusive church and began meeting people from diverse backgrounds.

[00:01:18] This new environment became her threshold, opening her eyes to the beauty of diversity and the shared human desire for belonging.

[00:01:26] Karen met other Chinese students who helped her reconnect with her cultural heritage, which culminated in a transformative journey to Hong Kong, her parents' birthplace.

[00:01:35] It is where Karen began to embrace her cultural identity, learning to find strength in her duality rather than rejecting it.

[00:01:43] We're glad you're joining us on Karen's transformative journey as she begins to reconcile her identity and faith with her place in the world.

[00:01:50] In this episode, we'll look deeper into the experiences and lessons that continue to shape her path.

[00:01:58] Welcome back to the Monomyth Diaries.

[00:02:00] We're so glad to have you join us.

[00:02:02] This is a take what you like and leave the rest podcast.

[00:02:05] Today's focus is going to be on her transformative journey.

[00:02:08] So Karen, let's just jump right in.

[00:02:11] Can you describe for us the moment you first walked into that church and how it changed your perspective on belonging?

[00:02:19] Mm hmm. So how I even got to church.

[00:02:22] So we had moved from a suburb called Burlington, Ontario to Mississauga, and I didn't know anybody.

[00:02:28] So I did make new friends.

[00:02:31] And I part of that journey was, you know, signing up to be part of the school musical.

[00:02:36] And I met I met a classmate who, you know, we started being friendly with each other.

[00:02:41] We discovered we shared some same classes.

[00:02:43] And then one day she asked, hey, would you like to come to a good Friday church service with me?

[00:02:49] And I was like, sure, it's a good Friday.

[00:02:51] I should show up.

[00:02:53] So when we she picked me up and drove drove us there.

[00:02:56] And I remembered coming out and I was like, this is not like any church building I've ever seen before.

[00:03:02] It was a rental facility.

[00:03:04] And it was it was not like the stained glass buildings, you know, with the cathedral ceilings.

[00:03:12] It was none of that.

[00:03:14] It just was some rental hall that later on, I would learn that the church members nicknamed it truckers hall.

[00:03:22] Truckers hall.

[00:03:24] Which the scribe, it's exactly what you think it is.

[00:03:26] And so we just walked in and there was a few hundred people there and people were just hanging around from all different backgrounds, from all different nationalities, all different walks of life.

[00:03:38] And this was totally nothing I have ever experienced or seen before.

[00:03:44] And I remembered like looking around, OK, these people aren't really that concerned about a building.

[00:03:49] So now I'm really intrigued to know what they have to say.

[00:03:53] OK, so they call it truckers hall because there were a lot of trucks there.

[00:03:58] I don't know what it was.

[00:03:59] It was large.

[00:04:00] It reminded me of a high school gym, like it was this room and the doors opened up to the parking lot.

[00:04:05] And that's where we entered.

[00:04:06] We wouldn't go through the lobby or the main entrance, so to speak.

[00:04:09] But if you need to use the restroom, you would cut through like this door in the back that brought you into like this smoke filled lobby.

[00:04:18] It's a wall through that to get to the restroom.

[00:04:20] And there was all these like older men that would hang in there and smoke and they're not supposed to smoke.

[00:04:26] So I don't know if they were the reasons why everyone called it truckers hall, but that was the name that was pegged with.

[00:04:32] And they met there for a few years.

[00:04:34] And you mentioned that there were people from all over?

[00:04:38] Yes.

[00:04:39] It was the first time I met and hung out with people that were not of a white Western European heritage outside of members of my family or extended family or family friends.

[00:04:51] They were all Chinese.

[00:04:52] But all English speaking.

[00:04:54] Yes, they all spoke English.

[00:04:56] OK.

[00:04:56] OK.

[00:04:58] And I will say like some English was not their first language, but it was like when I say all nations, that was a true cross section of the planet in one room.

[00:05:08] And I was like that.

[00:05:10] I'd never experienced anything like that.

[00:05:11] And you were excited.

[00:05:12] Because I was like, wow, meeting people from Diana, from Korea or Korean descent, from Europe, Russia, literally all colors, all four corners of the earth in one space.

[00:05:26] So this is practically the first time that you've ever had this experience.

[00:05:30] Yes.

[00:05:31] Where you're not the only person of color.

[00:05:34] Yeah.

[00:05:35] And how old were you?

[00:05:36] I was 18.

[00:05:37] So how did meeting people from such diverse backgrounds influence your understanding of your identity?

[00:05:42] Well, it helped me to feel human and really see others as human.

[00:05:49] It's possible because of my childhood and the negative experiences I had.

[00:05:54] It was like I felt like I was in a box and being with this community and this group and how people were hugging each other and and having long conversations with each other.

[00:06:04] And you can see they were good and close friends.

[00:06:06] Like, you know, I remembered I was introduced to the leaders of the youth group and it was a boyfriend girlfriend couple.

[00:06:14] And the girlfriend was Guyanese and the boyfriend was East Indian.

[00:06:19] And I was just like, whoa, like, wow.

[00:06:21] It's like the first time I'm really hanging out with all these cultures and they're together.

[00:06:26] And it just opened my eyes to the possibilities of how like everyone really just treated each other with love and respect and acceptance.

[00:06:35] That's so beautiful.

[00:06:36] So you said that this is your first experience with church as well.

[00:06:40] I mean, I grew up going to Christmas service or, you know, when it's Easter and I'll be honest, a lot of it was just kind of like you're watching your watch and like, oh yeah, how much longer?

[00:06:50] How much this person is going to drone on and can I leave?

[00:06:52] Like, and it's not that they were bad.

[00:06:56] It's just my heart was not in that space to appreciate and understand what was really going on.

[00:07:02] Right.

[00:07:02] Like you pretty much fell in love with this church.

[00:07:04] Yeah.

[00:07:05] Like right out of the gate and you start attending regularly.

[00:07:07] Yes.

[00:07:08] And, and I, and, and like just the way they, their approach, um, the way they even talked about the Bible.

[00:07:15] Like it was not this, not this traditional experience.

[00:07:19] It was very like, let's open the Bible.

[00:07:21] What's in there?

[00:07:22] Let's discuss it.

[00:07:23] And that they weren't afraid to tackle.

[00:07:25] Like I had a million questions.

[00:07:26] There was no judgment.

[00:07:28] Uh, that was, that was the big thing was they just accepted.

[00:07:32] It made me feel who I was and where I was at and didn't make me feel less.

[00:07:36] So you still attend this church today?

[00:07:39] Yes.

[00:07:39] Okay.

[00:07:39] Like it's a part of a worldwide fellowship, but I also like will visit other congregations.

[00:07:44] I've sat in the synagogue service for four hours.

[00:07:47] I love your openness to try all of those new experiences.

[00:07:51] So in what ways then do you think your Christian faith has helped you navigate the complexities

[00:07:56] of feeling different?

[00:07:58] Okay.

[00:07:58] So when I started attending church and like on a regular basis, um, one of the things

[00:08:03] the youth group did was like, would you like to study the Bible?

[00:08:06] Let's go to the source.

[00:08:07] And what's this faith about?

[00:08:09] What does it say in there?

[00:08:10] Like we always talk about the Bible, but we don't actually always look in there and dive deep

[00:08:16] and, and not be afraid.

[00:08:17] I started to really learn about God and like, not based on what these people would say to

[00:08:23] me, but based on what I was reading.

[00:08:26] And I learned about God and his love and how vast it was and how that was expressed through

[00:08:33] Jesus.

[00:08:33] And then started to learn how that, that's how God saw me and how he loved me.

[00:08:41] And then to take that love and share that with other people and to have an unconditional mindset

[00:08:49] about it.

[00:08:50] And, and from there, like I, you know, when the challenges that was through the Bible

[00:08:56] itself was to try and imitate this level of love and acceptance to others.

[00:09:02] Like everybody.

[00:09:02] You are such a loving person.

[00:09:05] You and such an accepting person.

[00:09:08] And I'm not like that every day.

[00:09:09] It's something I have to consciously work on and make a deliberate choice to go, okay,

[00:09:15] this is the mindset and the attitude and the standard.

[00:09:17] I need to help myself to even on days when I don't feel like it.

[00:09:20] Just to be clear.

[00:09:23] So your threshold involved your going to this church, but you also said that part of your

[00:09:29] threshold happening around the same time was your trip to Hong Kong and that it was a

[00:09:33] significant part of your journey.

[00:09:35] Yes.

[00:09:36] How do you think this experience helped you reconcile feelings of duality?

[00:09:40] Cause you, you were fighting as we talked about in the last episode, that, you know,

[00:09:45] you're American and your Chinese heritage.

[00:09:48] Through this church, I actually started meeting people of Asian, like East Asian descent,

[00:09:52] like people who are Korean descent, international students from Hong Kong and Taiwan and

[00:09:58] China and, and hanging out with like actual Asian people, not just family members.

[00:10:04] And what you saw in Chinese movies and, um, and through them and seeing their examples.

[00:10:11] And then I got, I had the opportunity to travel with my grandmother to Hong Kong.

[00:10:17] And when I was in Hong Kong, I had the opportunity to visit one of the sister churches in Hong Kong.

[00:10:23] So it's like the same church fellowship, but in Hong Kong, um, they had preaching in Cantonese.

[00:10:30] How wonderful.

[00:10:31] And to see that their beliefs and their convictions and in many ways, a lot of practices were the

[00:10:37] same, but in a Chinese cultural context, we actually have a lot more similarities than

[00:10:43] differences.

[00:10:44] And then on top of that, um, it was very similar.

[00:10:48] Like we sang all the same songs as they would hear in Canada or in the U S as well.

[00:10:53] So I started to see how we can be all of those things at once.

[00:10:58] You're starting to see some of the, some of the similarities.

[00:11:02] Yeah.

[00:11:03] Between the two cultures.

[00:11:04] Yeah.

[00:11:04] But also starting to accept that they're different and that's okay.

[00:11:07] Yes.

[00:11:08] My experience of being raised in the West and then, you know, experiencing life in the

[00:11:12] East is that we all have a common goals to live well and be in harmony with each other.

[00:11:18] So can you share that a specific moment in your time when you were in Hong Kong that deeply

[00:11:23] resonated with you or maybe shifted your understanding of your culture heritage like a specific time?

[00:11:29] When I would travel to Hong Kong, I mean, my grandmother would take me, but my brother's

[00:11:33] actually not Christian at all.

[00:11:35] She's Buddhist.

[00:11:36] Oh.

[00:11:36] So, and my, so my mom's side of the family, my mom came from this Buddhist background.

[00:11:41] Um, she converted to being a Christian to marry my dad who grew up with a Christian background.

[00:11:47] Okay.

[00:11:48] And then, so my childhood was kind of like, that's why I was so confused.

[00:11:51] Wow.

[00:11:51] So you've got American culture, Chinese culture, Christian faith, and Buddhist faith all going

[00:11:57] on at the same time.

[00:11:57] Yeah.

[00:11:58] Okay.

[00:11:58] And to this day, I still believe in like, we should have an understanding of other people

[00:12:04] cultures and have a healthy respect for it.

[00:12:07] And when I meet someone from a different faith, I'm generally curious to know because I'm very

[00:12:11] like, teach me, teach me about it.

[00:12:13] Teach me, you know, how you got into it and tell me your story.

[00:12:16] We would go and visit a lot of Buddhist temples and she would make offerings at the various

[00:12:22] temples.

[00:12:23] I'd notice others were doing it.

[00:12:24] So I'm like, okay, clearly there's significance to this practice.

[00:12:27] Having these extremes exist coexisting in one place.

[00:12:33] And like I said, within Hong Kong, it's a very, very diverse city.

[00:12:37] There's so many different kinds of faiths going on and, and how everyone functions together

[00:12:41] in one community in one city.

[00:12:43] And I started to notice like, you know, at the end of the day, they're all looking for

[00:12:47] a divine experience and being in touch with their spiritual side.

[00:12:51] That coexistence and how it can run together was very inspiring.

[00:12:58] It was something I didn't experience growing up.

[00:13:00] What a blessing that you had that opportunity.

[00:13:02] Being in that space and seeing that I started to let go of my feelings of shame, of criticalness.

[00:13:09] It was a big moment because like for a long time I was denying my Chinese heritage.

[00:13:13] I don't want to know the language.

[00:13:15] I don't want to know anything about it.

[00:13:17] I don't even want to know the history.

[00:13:19] So you mentioned that at this point, you're starting to get rid of some of your guilt and

[00:13:25] shame.

[00:13:25] Yes.

[00:13:26] So that leads us into our next question.

[00:13:28] How did embracing your Chinese culture affect your relationship with your family and

[00:13:32] your connection to your roots then?

[00:13:34] Yeah.

[00:13:34] So in this time period, and I'll share, but this is just a real moment.

[00:13:39] I was a young student in college and I met, befriended a Canadian Korean girl, another student

[00:13:47] and we became friends.

[00:13:48] I don't even remember exactly what I did.

[00:13:50] I did something.

[00:13:50] I either said something or did something and my friend giggled and she was like, oh,

[00:13:56] you're so white, Karen.

[00:13:57] And I was like, what?

[00:14:00] And I was like, I didn't know how to take that up for us.

[00:14:02] And she was kind of like, it was not a big deal.

[00:14:05] Like it wasn't meant to be an insult.

[00:14:06] And then I realized what she was doing was acknowledging that side of me, that it was all in one.

[00:14:13] And she was recognizing, like, I have this influence.

[00:14:16] I have an upbringing that was heavily influenced by, you know, white Western European culture,

[00:14:23] but I'm also have Asian heritage.

[00:14:28] It was just recognizing that duality and that those things can exist in one that I started to accept

[00:14:36] and embrace that about me because she just saw it as, yeah, as part of you.

[00:14:41] Like I'm still one person, even though there's all these different influences on me.

[00:14:46] And she recognized that.

[00:14:48] Yeah.

[00:14:48] That was huge.

[00:14:49] That was a really big moment for me.

[00:14:51] All of that in me, it helped me to accept I am a product of both worlds.

[00:14:57] Throw away the labels and accept myself as one person.

[00:15:03] And then it helped me to turn that, like, to other people who are most likely in those same shoes.

[00:15:09] Kind of like what we're doing with this podcast, tell me your story.

[00:15:12] You're more than your skin color or the language you spoke or the place where you were born.

[00:15:18] Every person is more than that.

[00:15:20] Everyone has that richness of their journey.

[00:15:25] There's just not enough.

[00:15:26] There's no boxes.

[00:15:27] There's no labels.

[00:15:28] Like we're all human and we're all, at the end of the day, striving towards the same goals.

[00:15:33] Right.

[00:15:33] You said it really well in the first episode.

[00:15:35] You said everybody has value.

[00:15:37] Yes.

[00:15:38] And I thought that was such a beautiful way to say that.

[00:15:40] Yes.

[00:15:41] And like my friend recognizing that and me loving me for who I was and did a lot of service, like acts of service for me and my family.

[00:15:50] And he was kind of like probably one of the first examples of being like that to everybody.

[00:15:54] And then I was like, you know, that's somebody I want to imitate and be like.

[00:15:59] Yeah.

[00:15:59] So one of your first mentors.

[00:16:01] Yeah.

[00:16:01] Really?

[00:16:01] Yeah.

[00:16:02] My last question for you.

[00:16:04] What words of wisdom would you offer to someone struggling to find their sense of belonging?

[00:16:08] I can only share from my personal experience and the experience I came to to this point and something I still have to remind myself every day is to remember how deeply I'm leveled ultimately by, you know, by divine being by God and by Jesus.

[00:16:25] And then to share that love with others, to, you know, just to really see everybody is on an even playing field and, and to not, not try to judge or put people in boxes, but to just go with a full open heart and, and be as accepting to them as others have shown me that level of acceptance.

[00:16:55] And love them right where they are.

[00:16:57] Yeah.

[00:16:58] Yeah.

[00:16:59] All right.

[00:16:59] Well, Karen, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us.

[00:17:03] Thank you.

[00:17:04] Sharing your monomyth.

[00:17:05] I, I admire you so much.

[00:17:07] Uh, you know, you always make me want to be a better person and I just love you.

[00:17:12] So thanks.

[00:17:12] Thanks for being brave and sharing this with us.

[00:17:15] We were going to give a shout out.

[00:17:17] Um, like we always do at the end of our episode today, we're going to shout out to Stephanie Landis.

[00:17:23] Uh, Stephanie Landis is a former college student.

[00:17:25] A colleague of mine who actually started a podcast five or six years ago called unbabbled.

[00:17:32] Um, and she was kind enough in the very beginning of our journey back in January to spend hours talking with me about her experience, starting a podcast.

[00:17:41] Uh, so yeah, big shout out to her.

[00:17:44] Thanks for taking the time, uh, to give for fun and for free to us.

[00:17:48] Thank you, Stephanie.

[00:17:49] We would not be here without you.

[00:17:51] Thank you.

[00:17:52] And also I'm just wanted to thank you guys for being with me on this journey.

[00:17:56] I'm so excited for our next episode where I get to share the boons and blessings of how my journey has really brought beyond what I can ask or imagine into my life.

[00:18:09] Thank you for joining us today.

[00:18:11] If you enjoyed this episode, please share, hit like, subscribe, and follow us on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.

[00:18:20] Feel free to email us at monomythdiaries at gmail.com with your monomyth and keep the conversations going.

[00:18:26] Until next time, heroes, let's journey together through stories.