Ep 8 - Cyndi’s Breakthrough and Growth (part 2)

[00:00:05] Hi everyone, and welcome to the Monomyth Diaries, a bi-monthly podcast where ordinary people get to share their hero's journey.

[00:00:12] I'm Mandi, and I'm Karen, and we'll be your hosts. Each episode will feature a hero who will share their journey of growth.

[00:00:20] We'll hear stories about forgiveness, survival, determination, and much more.

[00:00:25] We're glad you're joining us because we all have a monomyth to share and someone out there needs to hear it.

[00:00:32] Welcome back to another episode of the Monomyth Diaries, where it's a take what you like and leave the rest podcast.

[00:00:37] In this episode, we move into Cindy's transformative journey.

[00:00:42] So Cindy, you've left your second marriage and got connected to a church with quote-unquote no perfect people.

[00:00:50] Can you elaborate on how your new relationship with Jesus played a big role in shaping your new identity?

[00:00:57] Yeah, sure. You know, I think if anyone's experienced being at the very bottom, right? Like you just hit rock bottom.

[00:01:06] You kind of just feel like very so broken and you're just trying to gather all the pieces and not being sure where you're going.

[00:01:13] You know, like there's no, there was not a vision of where I was going to be other than I just needed to find peace within me and restore some hope.

[00:01:22] And so when I saw the flyer where it says no perfect people allowed, it was just that moment of, wow, this is definitely where I need to be.

[00:01:31] Because if I'm not perfect, I'm sure other people who are not perfect there will be able to support each other.

[00:01:38] Yeah, you could identify with that.

[00:01:39] Yeah, exactly.

[00:01:40] And so, you know, I just wanted to try it out.

[00:01:43] It was really just in this, in the neighborhood that I was living in.

[00:01:47] So it was convenient.

[00:01:48] Perfect.

[00:01:49] You know, with having kids and Brandon at that time was still super young.

[00:01:52] I was like, I can't be away too long.

[00:01:55] And or if I bring him at least there was like a childcare, you know, area for kids.

[00:02:00] And so that way he's not sitting in, you know, the big area with me, but it was a game changer.

[00:02:08] I've always gone to church in the past in a Catholic, you know, very proper space, you know, where you're just sitting there, you listen to someone preach, they're reading the Bible verse, and then the priest will give you a sermon about the message.

[00:02:22] And then, but it was never a practical way of learning how to apply it to your life.

[00:02:27] So that was definitely a different way of really understanding and learning about the messages that are in the Bible for me, and learning how to apply that to my day to day life, and how to really have a relationship with Jesus is never even something I've heard of.

[00:02:45] Like I, in the Catholic religion, we have to go through the priest in order to really even get to Jesus.

[00:02:52] If I wanted to confess my sins, I have to confess it to the priest.

[00:02:55] You know, if I need to resolve my sins, it's through the priest.

[00:02:58] Everything was more or less through the priest receiving communion was through the priest.

[00:03:03] And so this idea of I can have a direct relationship with Jesus Christ, but something new for me.

[00:03:09] And this is something that the church is teaching?

[00:03:11] At this church, yes.

[00:03:13] It's called Thrive Church.

[00:03:14] And, you know, it was something so foreign to me.

[00:03:18] And I, at that point, didn't even realize I could have a direct relationship with Jesus Christ.

[00:03:22] That's incredible.

[00:03:24] Yeah.

[00:03:24] But you shared that your mom called you a sinner and then told you that you cannot take communion.

[00:03:30] So how did you reconcile this newfound faith that you're discovering with the things that your mom had said to you in the past?

[00:03:39] It was unlearning a lot of things, really.

[00:03:43] Again, you know, when you're so broken, when you feel like you're not worthy, not valuable, you're a sinner, you're not good enough.

[00:03:49] It was all of that.

[00:03:51] And at that point, I was already at the bottom of the barrel.

[00:03:54] I'm like, well, I'm so broken.

[00:03:56] Right.

[00:03:56] And if I'm just going to go somewhere that, you know, I enter into this space where there's a lot of, I think the worship music was really something that really seeped into my soul and really helped me pull out of that.

[00:04:11] There was a lot of songs that talks about how God will leave the 99 and find the one lost soul.

[00:04:18] And I felt like that's me.

[00:04:19] Like, that's me.

[00:04:20] I'm so lost.

[00:04:21] I had no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going.

[00:04:23] I've made a mess of my life.

[00:04:24] And so what do I do now?

[00:04:26] Am I ever going to be forgiven?

[00:04:27] Am I going to be loved again?

[00:04:29] Those were all things that I just came into this church and said, you know what, I'm just going to give it all to him and says, you know, I don't know what I'm doing.

[00:04:37] I obviously have made a mess of my life.

[00:04:39] So I definitely needed help.

[00:04:41] You know, like that Carrie Underwood song, you know, Jesus take the wheel.

[00:04:44] That was my motive.

[00:04:45] You know what?

[00:04:45] Jesus take the wheel.

[00:04:46] Right.

[00:04:47] I'm going to just get in the backseat and I'll let you try.

[00:04:50] Literally.

[00:04:53] How long do you think like the journey was to go from, I'm so awful.

[00:04:57] I'm so unworthy to this place where you experience a rebirth.

[00:05:02] It wasn't overnight.

[00:05:03] The first thing was, yes, recognizing that I can't do it alone or I can't do it myself.

[00:05:08] And then just saying, you know, I am resigned.

[00:05:13] I surrender myself.

[00:05:15] And I think God gives you people and tools in your life to really, you know, move forward.

[00:05:24] And during that period of time, during my brokenness, I was growing in my career.

[00:05:29] I had a boss who also at the same time was sharing with us a little bit more about just creating a shift in your life through lunch and learns.

[00:05:37] Right.

[00:05:37] In a professional manner.

[00:05:39] And so one of our lunch and learn was about a book called The Secret.

[00:05:43] The Secret was a, an idea or a law.

[00:05:48] It's the law of attraction.

[00:05:49] It's, it really just means, you know, what you say, what you think, what you speak into existence is what boomerangs back to you.

[00:05:57] And so you attract, you know, you're a magnet.

[00:05:59] So you, yourself, you know, everything inside of you are attracting things.

[00:06:03] So that was a mindset shift for me and thinking, oh, am I putting all of these fears and things that I've learned as a child?

[00:06:10] Am I putting that into the universe?

[00:06:12] And is that what I'm receiving from the universe?

[00:06:15] And so then I started shifting the way, like for example, if you're thinking I'm always broke.

[00:06:21] Right.

[00:06:21] Well, I'm putting broke out into the world.

[00:06:23] Ah.

[00:06:24] So therefore I'm lacking.

[00:06:25] That idea of like, I need to change the way I think.

[00:06:30] Yeah.

[00:06:30] And the way I speak in order for me to receive what I really want.

[00:06:35] Yeah.

[00:06:35] Those I am statements.

[00:06:36] Yes.

[00:06:37] Yes.

[00:06:37] They're so important.

[00:06:38] If you say I am broken, then, you know, you're giving that out to the world.

[00:06:43] Right.

[00:06:45] You're not just saying that it's not just what it wants to be.

[00:06:46] It was what you give us what you get.

[00:06:47] And I thought that was a great way to say it.

[00:06:49] Exactly.

[00:06:50] So if I don't want that, then I need to stop speaking that.

[00:06:54] Yeah.

[00:06:54] And if I want love, then I need to say I am loved.

[00:06:57] Yeah.

[00:06:58] I am valuable.

[00:06:59] I am worthy.

[00:07:00] So I had to change the way, one, I address myself to the universe in order for me to receive

[00:07:06] what I really truly wanted instead of saying I am unworthy or I'm not valuable.

[00:07:13] So all of these things kind of started shifting the way I thought of myself too.

[00:07:17] And really, I ultimately, I needed to learn to forgive myself.

[00:07:21] Yeah.

[00:07:21] And that walk in this, you know, this journey was not always an easy one because there's

[00:07:26] so many things that you're just, it was, it became a habit, right?

[00:07:30] Like it's habitual, but you know, when I started going to church and really walking with you,

[00:07:35] like he says, you are loved.

[00:07:38] Yeah.

[00:07:38] You are enough.

[00:07:39] Totally.

[00:07:39] You know, you have all the tools that you need in order to get what you, you know, your

[00:07:46] purpose is to fulfill your purpose.

[00:07:48] And it's a journey.

[00:07:49] It's a walk with him, not, you know, and so it wasn't an overnight thing, but it was a

[00:07:54] shift.

[00:07:55] It was a, you know, shift towards the path that I needed and wanted.

[00:07:59] I love that you're working in an environment where your boss valued teaching skills and

[00:08:06] tools to his employees that helped them with their overall wellbeing.

[00:08:10] That's fascinating and rare.

[00:08:12] Yes.

[00:08:13] And I, you know, it is very rare and you know, I stayed there as long as I did because they

[00:08:19] were constantly pouring into us to become better professionals, the better version of

[00:08:25] who you are.

[00:08:26] And, um, you know, and I, I have to admit, I think back to those days and I didn't appreciate

[00:08:31] it the way I should have.

[00:08:33] I love that you took agency.

[00:08:34] There's always something in you that was like, I'm going to act on this.

[00:08:37] It would be something.

[00:08:38] The first step anywhere is just action, right?

[00:08:42] You have to take the next step.

[00:08:43] You have to physically show up for yourself.

[00:08:46] No one's going to do it for you.

[00:08:47] You know, when you get to the point where you're like, I don't know what I'm doing.

[00:08:50] I need help.

[00:08:51] And now I learned asking for help is not a bad thing.

[00:08:54] No.

[00:08:55] Asking for help is so needed.

[00:08:58] Yes.

[00:08:58] We are called to be in community with one another.

[00:09:00] Yep.

[00:09:01] And back then there was a lot of judgment, but it's because I was first and foremost judging

[00:09:06] myself too.

[00:09:07] But ultimately as an adult, I have to take responsibility for my own decisions and my

[00:09:13] choices.

[00:09:14] Yeah.

[00:09:14] You're doing a lot of self-reflection now.

[00:09:16] Yes.

[00:09:17] Absolutely.

[00:09:18] I love you are also choosing what voices and messages to dictate your next decision.

[00:09:23] Absolutely.

[00:09:24] So when they say, you know, if you, you look around and the five people that you surround

[00:09:28] yourself with, you're just the average of those five.

[00:09:31] And it's so true.

[00:09:32] And it's like, okay, I need to get into a circle where I have more positive people around

[00:09:39] me.

[00:09:39] I need, I need to surround myself with, you know, the church.

[00:09:43] Mm-hmm.

[00:09:43] Who's telling me to, and reminding me, don't forget, Jesus loves you.

[00:09:48] Yeah.

[00:09:48] You are loved.

[00:09:50] You know, just that simple reminder.

[00:09:52] Remind me, how old were you when you found Thrive Church?

[00:09:56] Probably in my early thirties, maybe.

[00:10:00] Okay.

[00:10:00] So you're in your early thirties.

[00:10:01] You're attending church and working on reforming, reshaping your identity.

[00:10:05] Yes.

[00:10:06] And your boss has had a big hand in this.

[00:10:08] What else have you done to redefine yourself during this period of transforming?

[00:10:13] When God's really leading the way, he's going to put people in your place.

[00:10:17] Mm-hmm.

[00:10:18] And he's going to put other things, you know, in front of you.

[00:10:21] One of my great friend, Jenna, had introduced me to a lady who was doing workshops and her

[00:10:27] workshop was called Live at Choice.

[00:10:29] And at that time when you're broken, sometimes you just don't want to carry on, you know,

[00:10:33] ending your life might sound less painful, I guess.

[00:10:36] Yeah.

[00:10:36] And so I took this workshop.

[00:10:38] It was such an expensive workshop at that time for me.

[00:10:40] And, and it was a two day workshop.

[00:10:43] And my friend Jenna's like, I have to, if you really want to work on yourself, I think

[00:10:48] this is going to be a great workshop for you.

[00:10:50] I actually paid up the money and I invested in this workshop and this workshop, really what

[00:10:57] I learned a couple of things.

[00:10:58] One, I needed to identify that and really accept that everything that has gone right

[00:11:04] and wrong in my life, that I'm the common denominator.

[00:11:08] Wow.

[00:11:09] Yeah.

[00:11:09] That I had to own what had happened.

[00:11:12] Like it's also my fault.

[00:11:13] Right.

[00:11:14] You know, husband number one, husband number two, you know, yes, I didn't get to choose

[00:11:18] my parents, but this is me.

[00:11:20] This is my world.

[00:11:21] Wow.

[00:11:21] I'm the center of my world.

[00:11:23] And, and interestingly enough, at that time, I mean, we had a really bad divorce with my

[00:11:30] second husband.

[00:11:31] And so she asked me to put, you know, his name on the board and describe everything.

[00:11:37] And at that time I was just like all these negative things.

[00:11:40] And they're like, describe yourself.

[00:11:41] Yes.

[00:11:42] Okay.

[00:11:42] And so there was all these negative thoughts, all these negative words coming out.

[00:11:47] And then now they're like, well, what about, you know, maybe someone that loves you?

[00:11:53] How would they describe you?

[00:11:55] Right.

[00:11:55] And so it's all about perspective.

[00:11:57] Neither list was right or wrong.

[00:11:58] It's just, we are a combination of all of that and we need to identify with them and

[00:12:03] we have to be okay with it.

[00:12:04] And what is it that we're not okay with?

[00:12:06] You know, one of those things that I was not okay with was, am I a bad mom?

[00:12:11] Am I a bad wife?

[00:12:12] I have to be okay with being, cause I'm not going to be a great mom all the time, a hundred

[00:12:16] percent of the time.

[00:12:17] So there were those, you know, a movement of thoughts of, okay, I'm okay with being all

[00:12:23] of that.

[00:12:24] And I have to accept that I could be all of that.

[00:12:26] Just like, you know, each person, whether it's my ex, whether it's my mom, whether it's

[00:12:31] my dad, they are, they are the best that they can be with the tools that they have.

[00:12:35] And I was only the best that I can be with the tools that I had.

[00:12:39] And how do I improve?

[00:12:41] I needed to learn new tools, how to react to things differently.

[00:12:46] Did that help you learn to forgive yourself?

[00:12:48] I know one time somebody said, Mandy, you were just doing the best you could with the

[00:12:52] tools that you had at the time.

[00:12:54] You can forgive yourself.

[00:12:55] And I thought, oh my gosh, did you have a similar experience?

[00:12:59] Yes, very much so.

[00:13:01] Because by that point I would have blamed the world for all my problems.

[00:13:06] I really, you know, it's my mom and dad's fault.

[00:13:10] It's my ex's fault.

[00:13:12] It's, you know, it's everyone's fault, but my own.

[00:13:15] I may have taken a little bit of accountability, but I didn't own it.

[00:13:19] And so after that workshop, I really did have a lot of reflection to do.

[00:13:25] And I had to one, you know, I would have thought I had to forgive my parents.

[00:13:29] That's a big one.

[00:13:30] I had to forgive my parents because they only knew what they knew with the tools that they

[00:13:36] had.

[00:13:37] Right.

[00:13:37] And I had to recognize that they came to America without speaking any English.

[00:13:42] Right.

[00:13:42] And without any, they didn't have like, you know, extra cash, you know, as backup, they

[00:13:47] didn't have anything.

[00:13:48] They came with the clothes on their back and that was it.

[00:13:51] Right.

[00:13:52] And, and then on top of that, I mean, their, yes, their expectation is only because that

[00:13:56] was what was expected of them.

[00:13:58] So it's a cycle.

[00:13:59] Right.

[00:14:00] Yeah.

[00:14:00] And, and then of course, you know, me choosing, um, I could have said no to my husband.

[00:14:05] Number one, I didn't stand my ground.

[00:14:08] Right.

[00:14:08] So it's also my fault, but they only knew what they only knew too.

[00:14:12] And so of course, going back to thinking about husband, number one and husband, number

[00:14:17] two, I, I had to forgive them for they only had what they knew and how they reacted is also

[00:14:25] their tools and how to, you know, maybe, um, we all react a certain way to protect ourselves

[00:14:33] and how we learn how to do that is from, you know, what we learned from our parents, what

[00:14:38] we learned from, it could be anywhere, right?

[00:14:40] Our friends, it could be from anywhere, but I think it's part of our defense mechanism.

[00:14:45] So I learned quite a bit in that workshop and did it cost me a pretty penny?

[00:14:50] It did when I didn't have it.

[00:14:52] It's a life of faith.

[00:14:54] And you must have had a good relationship and trust in your friend.

[00:14:57] Oh yes, absolutely.

[00:14:59] She's taken the workshop and so she recommended it and she and I had a great relationship and

[00:15:04] I trusted her.

[00:15:05] Right.

[00:15:05] She says, if you want to make a change, you have to take some action towards change and

[00:15:10] invest in yourself.

[00:15:11] And so that was also, you know, new to me, like that concept of investing in myself.

[00:15:16] Yeah.

[00:15:16] You know, in the past had not really truly done that, you know, going to the spa was investing

[00:15:21] in yourself and I never did that either.

[00:15:23] Cause it was again, financial constraints was I didn't want to be in financial hardship,

[00:15:30] which can create problems in the relationship.

[00:15:32] So all of that was kind of a trigger for me.

[00:15:35] Like I can't spend money.

[00:15:36] I was a saver, like save, save, save, don't spend.

[00:15:38] This is a deeper question I've been dying to ask.

[00:15:42] Would you say you could have only done that because you found church first or like that,

[00:15:46] that give you the boost to put the money down, do the workshop and then do the internal work

[00:15:52] of being able to take ownership.

[00:15:54] Cause that's, that's not easy.

[00:15:57] That's a good question.

[00:15:58] That's a good question.

[00:15:58] And I want to say yes, because I, before that I wasn't open to it.

[00:16:05] Maybe my friend may have mentioned it before even, and I would have just glossed over it.

[00:16:09] I wasn't at a place where I'm resigned to saying I need help.

[00:16:12] Maybe I still had that ego that said, I don't need anybody.

[00:16:16] I can do this on my own.

[00:16:17] And it wasn't until I, that very moment of, I'm saying, you know what?

[00:16:21] I surrender.

[00:16:21] I know I cannot do it and I accept that I'm not able to do this.

[00:16:26] So here, God, you do as you need in my life because I'm making a mess and I don't want

[00:16:32] to continue to go down this path anymore.

[00:16:34] Like I was ready for a change.

[00:16:37] And so up until I'm able to admit that I was no longer in denial.

[00:16:42] I knew that I needed to accept that there's gotta be a higher being that comes into my life

[00:16:47] and create this miracle in me.

[00:16:49] Cause I couldn't have done it.

[00:16:50] So I think it would have been my faith first.

[00:16:53] Mm-hmm.

[00:16:54] And then recognizing through the faith that God is trying to help me.

[00:16:59] Am I going to, you know, grab a hold of the people and the things that he puts into my life

[00:17:05] so that he can help shape me into what I need to be.

[00:17:09] Can I circle back around to another church question?

[00:17:11] Yeah, absolutely.

[00:17:12] Go ahead.

[00:17:12] You mentioned that this particular church, Thrive Church that you go to, it was the first time

[00:17:17] where you're taking things that you're learning in the church and applying them to your life.

[00:17:24] Can you give us an example?

[00:17:25] Oh yeah.

[00:17:26] How, yeah.

[00:17:27] Oh yeah.

[00:17:27] There's so many little things, right?

[00:17:30] Um, from the, let's start with the financial aspect of it.

[00:17:33] I remember sitting in service and the pastor was talking about how we go through life, you

[00:17:40] know, and think of the game of monopoly.

[00:17:43] Mm-hmm.

[00:17:43] You know, we spent hours accumulating money and wealth and property and you know, you

[00:17:49] spend a long time playing this game.

[00:17:51] Yes.

[00:17:52] And at the very end of it, what happens?

[00:17:53] It goes back in the box.

[00:17:54] And think of how similar our life is.

[00:17:57] We go through life accumulating money, wealth, property, status, whatever it might be in our

[00:18:03] life.

[00:18:03] And then we hold onto it with our, you know, with fist.

[00:18:08] Yeah.

[00:18:08] Closed.

[00:18:08] Closed.

[00:18:08] And so I remember that day and like, Oh, that makes sense.

[00:18:12] He goes, but you know, you all go back in the box with nothing.

[00:18:15] You know, you go, when we pass.

[00:18:17] Yeah.

[00:18:17] We, we don't take any of that with us.

[00:18:20] And so really the game of life, just like monopoly isn't, yes, it's okay to accumulate

[00:18:27] wealth.

[00:18:27] It's not because of greed, but we have to understand that God is trying to entrust us with some of

[00:18:34] this so that we can actually have it flow through us and not, you know, for us.

[00:18:39] So in essence, you know, the things that I've, you know, maybe it's this career, this, this

[00:18:46] job that I I'm given.

[00:18:48] And yes, I'm going to earn some money, but it's not really truly just for me.

[00:18:53] Right.

[00:18:54] It's really meant to, you know, yes, I'm meant to accumulate wealth, but it's also to pass

[00:18:59] it and help it to, you know, with the community and help others with it.

[00:19:02] And how am I doing that with the money or the things that, and the more that he gives

[00:19:07] me, I mean, then my palms are open because it's meant to just go in and then you're just

[00:19:12] passing it on.

[00:19:13] And how do I do that?

[00:19:14] Meaning if I go through, you know, if God gave me my first job and I'm holding onto it

[00:19:20] like this, how is he going to give me more?

[00:19:24] Right.

[00:19:24] And my fist is, you know, plunged.

[00:19:26] Yeah.

[00:19:27] And so then now I'm learning, okay, everything that comes through me is for something bigger

[00:19:32] than me.

[00:19:33] Um, and I remember like, as we get into our entrepreneur, I'm like, everything is not,

[00:19:39] it's for sale because it's not really mine.

[00:19:41] Mm-hmm .

[00:19:42] It's not meant for me to hold onto.

[00:19:45] So I've now, you know, I've adopted that mindset of, you know, it's really not mine.

[00:19:50] It's a borrowed business or it's a borrowed family.

[00:19:53] It's a borrowed body.

[00:19:55] This is really not mine.

[00:19:56] How I take care of it is I'm supposed to be good steward of it.

[00:19:59] Mm-hmm .

[00:20:00] And that's really where I've learned through this church, Thrive Church, just sitting there

[00:20:05] in that message of learning, oh, this is a practical way of looking at life and looking

[00:20:10] at what I'm doing with my life and how am I giving back.

[00:20:14] I love that we're going to get to talk about that more in the next episode when we talk about

[00:20:17] your boons because you do give back to the community a lot.

[00:20:20] You have been in some really tough financial situations.

[00:20:23] Sometimes the temptation would be to hold on and not let go, but you don't do that.

[00:20:28] It's scary at first, right?

[00:20:30] It's very scary.

[00:20:31] What I've learned through the church is there's a struggle.

[00:20:33] Like tithing was scary.

[00:20:34] Oh yeah, come on.

[00:20:35] Right?

[00:20:36] Tithing and just giving that 10% that doesn't really all belong to me anyway.

[00:20:40] Like I'm just giving back 10% and I'm scared.

[00:20:42] Yes.

[00:20:42] Because you're right.

[00:20:43] It was, I've gone through a lot of financial hardship and I'm afraid.

[00:20:46] I'm afraid that I'm not going to have enough.

[00:20:48] I remember another example of being at church and that says test him.

[00:20:53] And it's like, if you, you know, if you just give him just 10% or whatever you might

[00:20:58] have, he'll, you know, really just give you tenfold.

[00:21:01] Right.

[00:21:02] So I did a challenge, um, as well where, you know, again, what, what is the biggest amount

[00:21:08] that you've given away without expectation?

[00:21:11] Right.

[00:21:12] And I remember just like, okay, well, I'm just going to take, you know, a thousand dollars

[00:21:17] cash and I'm just going to go and give it to random strangers.

[00:21:20] It was a challenge.

[00:21:21] Wow.

[00:21:22] Wow.

[00:21:23] And, and I remember at that time I was working in the Galleria.

[00:21:26] So during my lunch period, I mean, it's a lot of money, right?

[00:21:29] And I'm like, all right.

[00:21:30] Especially because you have two little kids.

[00:21:32] Yes.

[00:21:33] So it was a challenge, but it was more of like, what's weighing on my heart.

[00:21:37] I need to get over that fear.

[00:21:39] So I took the money and I literally was in my head.

[00:21:43] I'm already like, oh man, I don't know what I'm going to do.

[00:21:45] It was like all this, like non just like voices in my head.

[00:21:50] Like, no, you keep it.

[00:21:51] You got it.

[00:21:51] Right.

[00:21:52] Like I have two kids.

[00:21:53] And so then I thought, okay, well, what if I help a mom out?

[00:21:57] So I went to go find a lady pushing a stroller in the Galleria and I walked up to her and I

[00:22:03] tried to give her the whole like thousand dollars because I was like, I don't know if I can just

[00:22:07] do that.

[00:22:08] I just needed to get done and over with.

[00:22:10] Right.

[00:22:12] And she rejected my money.

[00:22:14] Cause she probably thought it was a scam or like, what am I, what am I doing?

[00:22:18] Like, why is this random stranger trying to give me all this cash?

[00:22:20] Yes.

[00:22:21] So then I was like, oh, that was a fail.

[00:22:23] And I'm, you know, for a moment it's like, no, maybe I should just go back to my desk

[00:22:26] and keep my money.

[00:22:27] Like, you know, but I feel like that's a test.

[00:22:30] Right.

[00:22:30] It's always testing us.

[00:22:32] Like, where's your heart?

[00:22:33] Right.

[00:22:33] Because if you're afraid, if you don't really truly believe that I'm going to give you

[00:22:38] tenfold of what you're giving away, you know, where's your heart?

[00:22:42] And again, it goes back to that.

[00:22:43] So then I, I said, okay, well, you know what?

[00:22:45] I'm going to go down to the food court.

[00:22:47] Oh, get something to, something to drink.

[00:22:49] And I'll find random people to give maybe, you know, half and half too.

[00:22:53] But as I was waiting there in line, I saw a couple that was right in front of me and they

[00:22:58] looked like college students.

[00:23:00] And I was like, oh, I remember when I was a college student.

[00:23:02] Mm hmm.

[00:23:03] I remember when I didn't have anything and, you know, I needed some cash, whatever.

[00:23:08] I mean, and then I was like, I just didn't.

[00:23:10] I hear those voices in my head.

[00:23:11] Like, just give it to them.

[00:23:14] Just, you know, so I, of course, I'm still playing in my head.

[00:23:17] I'm like, no, maybe I should just keep it for myself.

[00:23:21] Like there's voices going on.

[00:23:22] It's a battle.

[00:23:23] Okay.

[00:23:24] Absolutely.

[00:23:25] And then what I did was, okay.

[00:23:26] I said, okay, but I'm not going to let them reject me this time.

[00:23:29] I didn't want to feel that reaction.

[00:23:31] So I said, okay, I'm going to wait for my drink to come.

[00:23:34] And then as soon as my drink comes and cause you know, they, they, or they ordered two

[00:23:38] and mine should be, you know, pretty quick and I'll, or I'll follow them.

[00:23:40] And I'm just going to hand them the cash.

[00:23:42] And I said, don't ask me any questions and I'll walk away.

[00:23:45] So that was the play in my head.

[00:23:46] So I, that's exactly what I did.

[00:23:47] As soon as I got my drink, I walked up to them.

[00:23:49] I said, listen, I, um, I heard, you know, that you might be, or like, you need your conversation

[00:23:55] and that you're college students, I think.

[00:23:57] So I said, listen, I'm just going to give you this cash and don't ask me any questions.

[00:24:02] And I'm going to just walk away.

[00:24:04] It's not a, it's not a scam.

[00:24:05] And that was all I said.

[00:24:06] And then I walked away because I didn't want them to reject my money.

[00:24:09] And I said, if they reject me, then I'm gonna be like, God says I should just keep this money.

[00:24:15] But I needed to fulfill the challenge because it was true that money was something that was, you know, that I was holding on to too tight.

[00:24:24] Right.

[00:24:24] And I needed to let it go.

[00:24:27] That this is, and this is just like a fraction of it.

[00:24:29] So I needed to slowly understand that the needs of this world is not for me.

[00:24:34] It was meant to help others in the community.

[00:24:37] And you don't know like who you need to help.

[00:24:39] You just need to do it.

[00:24:40] So that was kind of the first challenge I did.

[00:24:42] So, and it started, it's done from my faith.

[00:24:45] Right.

[00:24:45] So to answer your question earlier, would I have been able to do that in any other workshop thereafter, if it wasn't for my faith first.

[00:24:52] And it is my faith first.

[00:24:54] Like I had to trust, I had to trust that God's got me.

[00:24:58] And it doesn't mean that be irresponsible with the things that he gives us.

[00:25:03] It's just, you know, you have to learn to let some of it go.

[00:25:07] I bet you changed their life.

[00:25:08] I hope so.

[00:25:09] I hope that they used it for good.

[00:25:11] That's the only thing that was my only hope.

[00:25:13] But then I still shouldn't have any attachment to it either.

[00:25:16] Yeah, no expectation.

[00:25:16] What they do of it is up to them.

[00:25:19] Yeah.

[00:25:19] And I'm sure God's calling them to do something good with it.

[00:25:23] And I hope that they are also good, you know, stewarded as of what they're getting.

[00:25:27] I have to admit, I'm just being reminded of the story you shared in our first episode with you about how when you were in such a tight spot, your friend, Amanda, came through and was like, I'm going to pay your deposit.

[00:25:44] And that, I would argue, completely changed the trajectory of your life.

[00:25:49] Exactly.

[00:25:49] And so I should not be selfish in the things that I've been blessed with.

[00:25:54] And so that's the beginning of my journey of how do I give back?

[00:25:57] Yeah.

[00:25:58] It's that idea of as I give, I receive.

[00:26:00] Yes.

[00:26:00] Our job is to serve others.

[00:26:02] And time's such a huge one.

[00:26:04] Like money, you can always earn it back, make it back.

[00:26:07] But time, you do not get back.

[00:26:09] That's a free will gift.

[00:26:12] That is very true.

[00:26:13] And so oftentimes we always put money, like the value of money over the value of time.

[00:26:19] But it really should be the other way.

[00:26:21] But we're not taught that, right?

[00:26:22] The value of time is so valuable that we underestimate it.

[00:26:26] All right.

[00:26:26] So looking back, what experience, strength or hope would you give to women who are still caught in restrictive cultural expectations?

[00:26:34] Well, definitely the hope is that you are created and meant for more.

[00:26:39] Mm-hmm.

[00:26:40] Yeah.

[00:26:40] We all have been created with a purpose.

[00:26:44] I know that sometimes I've just got to walk in faith.

[00:26:47] And I know that God is for me.

[00:26:50] And so the people and the things in my life, if it doesn't feel good, that's an England.

[00:26:56] Like, you know, women's intuition sometimes.

[00:26:58] Mm-hmm.

[00:26:58] I remember going back to husband number one.

[00:27:00] Yes.

[00:27:00] Husband number one.

[00:27:01] I was like, my gut's like, don't, it's not, you're not ready to get married.

[00:27:05] Right.

[00:27:05] But I went against it.

[00:27:06] Mm-hmm.

[00:27:07] Right?

[00:27:07] Like how often do we do that?

[00:27:09] Like there, you feel it and it's a, and now I know, I recognize that that's probably

[00:27:13] the Holy Spirit talking to me and telling me, but we ignore it.

[00:27:16] Yeah.

[00:27:17] I used to ignore mine all the time.

[00:27:18] Yeah.

[00:27:19] That's the Holy Spirit speaking to us and really trying to give us guidance.

[00:27:23] Yeah.

[00:27:24] I would, I would highly encourage people that, you know, if you just take a moment and look

[00:27:28] around that there's many, many good people around who wants to help.

[00:27:32] You mentioned the surrounding yourself, your top five.

[00:27:35] Mm-hmm.

[00:27:35] And, and how would you say those individuals influenced you?

[00:27:41] Oh, quite a bit.

[00:27:42] For example, you know, Amanda, like she's so giving.

[00:27:46] Yeah.

[00:27:47] And without knowing, I mean, like she's changed my life and thereafter, like she's so giving.

[00:27:53] And it's not, even at that time, like I said, she's not, she didn't have a lot, but even

[00:27:57] in the little that she had, she was so giving or, you know, Jenna, so giving of her knowledge

[00:28:03] and her coaching of like, Hey, believing in me.

[00:28:07] Right.

[00:28:07] Right.

[00:28:08] And also invited you to the workshop.

[00:28:09] Yes.

[00:28:10] Yes.

[00:28:10] Yes.

[00:28:10] Yes.

[00:28:11] Or, or just understanding that, um, she too was going through some of her things and she's

[00:28:18] experienced it.

[00:28:18] So she knows there's no judgment.

[00:28:21] Mm-hmm.

[00:28:21] And what I love too, with even just those two individuals out of the so many that I have,

[00:28:27] they are always constantly working on themselves.

[00:28:30] Mm-hmm.

[00:28:31] And they too are in process.

[00:28:34] We are all people in process.

[00:28:35] And so just because they're telling me what to do, they're also acting in their own way

[00:28:40] to improve themselves, to be the best version of them.

[00:28:43] And so along the way, we're all growing together versus, you know, I'm growing and then there's

[00:28:48] still, you know, Amanda and Jenna from 20 years ago, you know, that wouldn't work either.

[00:28:54] So they have to be people in process who are continually, one, improving ourselves and

[00:28:58] giving back and how are we doing that.

[00:29:00] I love that phrase, people in process.

[00:29:02] Oh, yes.

[00:29:02] Because I always talk about that with my friends.

[00:29:04] And that's one of the things that I love to surround myself with people who are always

[00:29:07] growing, wanting to be a better human being, you know, working on themselves all the time.

[00:29:11] Yes.

[00:29:11] People in process.

[00:29:13] Yes.

[00:29:13] That's a nice way to say that.

[00:29:15] Now there's one individual that comes to mind that you met and met in a very roundabout

[00:29:20] way that I would say probably had a significant impact on you.

[00:29:25] So these two women.

[00:29:27] Yeah.

[00:29:27] So, um, you know, during my journey in faith, um, again, you it's random.

[00:29:32] We're always meeting different people.

[00:29:34] And, um, you're, I remember in one of my workshop with Bellany, you know, again, during this time,

[00:29:40] I'm like, I don't know, I'm going to give up on men.

[00:29:43] I'm not going to have a good relationship with them.

[00:29:46] Maybe I'm just meant to be single.

[00:29:48] I remember Bellany saying, Cindy, I want you to detach yourself from the kind of man, like

[00:29:55] from the way he looks, the way, how you're going to meet, like, take all of that, strip

[00:30:00] that away and just write what kind of relationship on a Saturday would you have with the perfect

[00:30:06] guy?

[00:30:07] No.

[00:30:08] And I think you called it your relationship vision, right?

[00:30:11] Yes.

[00:30:11] Yes.

[00:30:12] So just tell me what your vision is in a relationship.

[00:30:15] You know, cause oftentimes as little kids, a little, little girls, you're like, what's your perfect guy?

[00:30:20] Oh, he's tall, dark and handsome.

[00:30:22] You know, like the typical, he's smart, funny, like so surface based.

[00:30:26] Yes.

[00:30:27] And so she's like, no, just tell me, you know, if you had a perfect guy on a regular Saturday

[00:30:32] from morning to night, what is, what does that look like?

[00:30:36] And so I would write things like, okay, well, one, he would definitely be, you know, he can

[00:30:41] make me coffee in the morning.

[00:30:43] He would, you know, like just the little things that we take for granted.

[00:30:47] Right.

[00:30:47] Or, you know, open the door, think about me when, you know, it's just, I don't know, random,

[00:30:53] like a song comes on just.

[00:30:54] And so I remember writing this down and she goes, okay, and I don't want you to attach

[00:30:58] that to anybody or any name, not even a visual of like someone that you met, nothing.

[00:31:03] So I wrote that.

[00:31:04] I remember writing it and, um, and then randomly, you know, we, and I don't, again, this is like

[00:31:11] months later, I guess I, um, went to go to a car dealership and this is a random Saturday,

[00:31:20] random Saturday.

[00:31:21] My brother and I, um, were like having lunch and we're like, Hey, what do you want to do

[00:31:26] now?

[00:31:26] Yeah.

[00:31:27] We were bored.

[00:31:28] And my brother said, let's go look at cars.

[00:31:31] So we went to go look at cars.

[00:31:32] Yes, you do.

[00:31:33] Yeah.

[00:31:35] We were bored.

[00:31:37] So, but my brother was really interested in getting a car.

[00:31:40] And so we went down to one of the dealerships and we sat there for a little while and I

[00:31:43] got bored and so I said, Hey, and he was at a Lexus dealership.

[00:31:47] And I said, I think there's a BMW Lexus, I mean, a BMW dealership down the street.

[00:31:51] Instead of sitting here waiting with you, I'm going to just go down there first and just,

[00:31:54] you know, check out the cars or just, you know, kill time.

[00:31:58] Right.

[00:31:58] So I got in there and the, so one of the manager that overheard me saying, I'm going to the

[00:32:03] BMW dealership said, Hey, you go over there.

[00:32:05] There's a car salesman named Hi Ho.

[00:32:07] Why don't you, you know, get him to help you.

[00:32:10] And I said, yeah, sure.

[00:32:11] You know, so I go down there and I meet Hi, but I wasn't really in the market to buy

[00:32:17] a car.

[00:32:17] I was just trying to kill time.

[00:32:20] So yeah, I think he was so totally annoyed with me.

[00:32:23] It's like, Oh my God, this girl wants you to do any research.

[00:32:26] He doesn't even, you know, he, I think he has a question like, so, um, how soon are you

[00:32:30] looking to buy a car?

[00:32:31] And I like, I don't know, six months, a year or I'm really not looking at shopping.

[00:32:40] So I just happened to go, well, I mean, I just wanted to look at cars, you know, just

[00:32:44] show me what you got.

[00:32:45] And, and I did probably was just wasting his time, but I like, I just want to look at cars

[00:32:52] and show me what you got.

[00:32:53] So at the very end of it, I left without buying a car, of course, trying time for dinner now

[00:33:02] meet up with my brother.

[00:33:03] Let's have dinner.

[00:33:04] And so that was the end of that conversation.

[00:33:08] However, he did follow up with me during the week and said, Hey, I, you know, I realized

[00:33:13] that the car that we were showing you was, you know, it was a smaller car, but it was

[00:33:18] pricey.

[00:33:19] And so I'm like, okay, this is just too much.

[00:33:22] Um, and he goes, well, I realized that you kept mentioning, you wanted more bang for your

[00:33:26] buck.

[00:33:27] So a bigger car with, you know, maybe the same price point.

[00:33:29] So then I ended up buying a BMW a few weeks later, but it wasn't again.

[00:33:37] It was a good salesman.

[00:33:39] He's a good salesman, but I was definitely, I mean, I, I, I liked the cars.

[00:33:43] I'm like, okay, I don't mind buying the car.

[00:33:45] It was a nice car.

[00:33:47] But, um, but he was not the greatest like person to me because again, he thought I was

[00:33:54] annoying and, um, I wasted his time.

[00:33:56] So he called me what, well, now I know what he called me back then.

[00:33:59] It was CTW certified time waster.

[00:34:05] So I wasn't low at first sight is basically what I'm trying to say.

[00:34:09] And I, and when I went to go pick up my car and sign for the paperwork and everything,

[00:34:13] I mean, he forgot me in the lobby.

[00:34:15] So I'm like, the lights were turning off at the dealership and I, cause he had shifted

[00:34:19] me over to another sales team member because he was busy.

[00:34:24] And so I'm waiting for my, you know, car to be brought up so I can, you know, the keys

[00:34:29] and I can leave and yada, yada.

[00:34:31] Well, he just like forgot.

[00:34:34] Like he was, I was even there.

[00:34:36] Like he, he, he didn't remember to wrap it up, but he, I guess also was assuming that

[00:34:41] his teammate was going to, my brother actually ended up buying a car too.

[00:34:45] No, he did.

[00:34:46] I didn't know that.

[00:34:47] Yes.

[00:34:47] And I think that was more when we started having more conversations around that.

[00:34:52] Cause my brother, I'm my backgrounds in finance.

[00:34:55] And so Jamie's like, Hey, can you, can you come and help me with some of the, you know,

[00:35:01] the financial aspect of getting this car?

[00:35:03] So then I'm like, yeah, sure.

[00:35:05] I'll be involved in your purchase of this vehicle.

[00:35:07] Since I just got mine, it's very similar, um, make and model, just a different year.

[00:35:11] And all this happened.

[00:35:13] And I think that was kind of where high and I connected a little bit more because my brother

[00:35:18] was now involved and he's helping my brother.

[00:35:20] I think he was paying more attention to my brother though.

[00:35:24] So I was like, Oh, okay.

[00:35:26] I sold her a car now, you know, her brother's buying a car, but I mean, that was the start

[00:35:31] of it.

[00:35:31] It was not anything, uh, romantic, you know, fast forward a few months into it.

[00:35:37] Um, you know, I think we talked a little bit about our faith and he too was coming out

[00:35:42] of a marriage that was not healthy.

[00:35:45] And so I think the common thread there was that we were both coming out of a, um, unhealthy

[00:35:52] relationship.

[00:35:53] And then we were both in his own way.

[00:35:57] He was also finding faith and his walk in his faith.

[00:36:00] And he was actually attending, um, Lakewood church with Joel Osteen.

[00:36:04] Right.

[00:36:05] And so I was here attending thrive and he's attending Lakewood church.

[00:36:09] And, um, you know, as we were having this conversation, he's like, Hey, you should come and attend

[00:36:14] the church.

[00:36:15] You know, it sounds like your church is very similar.

[00:36:16] And I thought he was just pulling my leg.

[00:36:18] I'm like, you know, what a church.

[00:36:19] You're a little skeptical.

[00:36:20] Yeah.

[00:36:20] Oh yes.

[00:36:20] I was, he's a salesman, right?

[00:36:22] Yes.

[00:36:24] He just sold me that car and my brother and my brother.

[00:36:28] And so then I'm like, okay, but I, I said, okay, but you know, sure.

[00:36:33] I'll, I'll go check out your church, your old Joel Osteen church.

[00:36:36] And so funny thing is, um, he, he normally works on a Saturday cause you know, he was

[00:36:41] working at the dealership.

[00:36:42] So I'll just meet you, you know, we'll initial first few times we would go there.

[00:36:48] And he had a couple, an older couple that would save him seats because if you've ever

[00:36:53] been to, um, Joel Osteen church, like it's massive, even on a Saturday and there's this

[00:36:59] elder couple, they would save him a seat.

[00:37:02] And then that day he's like, Hey, you know, I have a friend coming with me.

[00:37:04] So can you reserve both of us to see so that we can get kind of closer to the stage?

[00:37:08] But, but I will say God's putting people in your place to kind of bring you to the better

[00:37:14] experiences and getting him, me closer to him, right.

[00:37:17] Getting me closer to Jesus.

[00:37:19] And through high, like I got to meet a great group of people that, you know, expanding,

[00:37:26] you know, my bubble, right.

[00:37:27] Getting it or actually getting out of my bubble into like, you know, a bigger world of experiences

[00:37:32] that I never even imagined.

[00:37:35] And so on that, I'm super grateful for.

[00:37:38] So he's had a huge impact and my journey, not just through my faith, but through, you know,

[00:37:44] my forgiveness, you know, through, uh, you know, my understanding and, and, uh, giving

[00:37:51] back to the community, my journey into entrepreneurship and trusting in, you know, like all of that has

[00:37:58] expanded.

[00:37:59] And so that to me has been like, you know, in itself, my tenfold of things that God has

[00:38:04] given back to me and just trusting that when I give that I will get back.

[00:38:08] I love it.

[00:38:09] It's all like God's timing, like how you were at a certain point in your spiritual journey.

[00:38:13] And then high was at his point in his spiritual journey.

[00:38:16] And that's when the two of you would finally connect and meet in how like the more you were

[00:38:23] attracting and, and pursuing relationships, friendships with people that were healthy and calling

[00:38:30] you higher, um, you then started meeting more and more people who were like that.

[00:38:35] And, and it was transformed your life because you had put those into practices.

[00:38:39] Back to my question about the experience, strength and health that you want to impart on

[00:38:43] people who are in the situation that you had started out with.

[00:38:46] Would you say like right people is a big one?

[00:38:49] Or would you say be the other thing that would be something that like, please go and pursue

[00:38:54] this if you see it.

[00:38:55] Well, we definitely need the right people, the right tools, constantly learning what other

[00:39:00] tool is out there.

[00:39:02] You know, even in a relationship as high and I started creating this new relationship, you

[00:39:07] know, at first it was kind of like, Oh, this is so taboo.

[00:39:10] Or this is, you know, you're, I'm, this is too soon.

[00:39:13] Or there's a lot of, but if I just let go of all that, right, I have to admit, like I

[00:39:18] have to learn new tools to really create a better relationship with myself and for myself

[00:39:25] with other people around me.

[00:39:26] Whether it's with you guys or with even higher, my parents, I had to learn how to one, you

[00:39:34] know, accept that they only know these tools.

[00:39:36] And what are the tools that I know?

[00:39:38] And one of the tools, for example, I will say that I picked up from my mom is growing

[00:39:44] up when she would get into a fight or, you know, argue with my dad.

[00:39:48] Like she was shut down.

[00:39:50] That's a tool that she used.

[00:39:52] She would just shut down.

[00:39:54] She would, you know, lock herself in either a room or she'll leave.

[00:39:57] But, you know, it's just like, as if the world around her does not exist, including us sometimes.

[00:40:02] And it's like an ostrich sticking her head in the sand.

[00:40:05] Yes.

[00:40:06] Yeah.

[00:40:06] So, so then growing up and my twenties and even, you know, into my early thirties, that

[00:40:12] was what I would do too.

[00:40:14] You know, if someone hurt her or something that, you know, was not right, I would just

[00:40:18] shut the world out.

[00:40:19] Mm hmm.

[00:40:20] You know, again, I left the Catholic church for that reason.

[00:40:22] I shut the world out.

[00:40:23] And that's part of why I left, right?

[00:40:26] The geographical solution was to just leave, like shut everything out, like blocking myself

[00:40:32] and putting myself into this like cocoon.

[00:40:35] And they're like, Oh, I'm nothing.

[00:40:36] Like if, if I do that, then nothing, none of the problems exist.

[00:40:40] Right.

[00:40:40] Right.

[00:40:41] So I, I learned and I recognize now that that's what I was doing, which was really hurtful

[00:40:47] to relationships.

[00:40:48] Right.

[00:40:49] And one of the things I had to recognize that, okay, well, why, why are my exes, you

[00:40:54] know, doing what they do?

[00:40:55] And so I'm the common denominator.

[00:40:56] So therefore my pattern, what is my pattern?

[00:40:59] Mm hmm.

[00:40:59] And, and so I had to recognize that, yes, it's okay to be upset.

[00:41:03] It's okay to have emotions.

[00:41:05] It's okay to express how you feel.

[00:41:08] What's not okay is to really hold onto that.

[00:41:12] Right.

[00:41:13] Yeah.

[00:41:14] So, you know, I've had to learn and unlearn some other things and then learn.

[00:41:18] Okay.

[00:41:19] It's okay to say, you know what, that really hurt my feeling what you did or what you

[00:41:22] said, and then say, well, don't do it again, but here's how we can resolve it.

[00:41:27] But then I have to also let it go.

[00:41:29] Like I have to let some of that go and not keep bringing it up.

[00:41:33] Right.

[00:41:33] Because again, I have to remind myself that sometimes the things that people saying do,

[00:41:40] it could be intentional to hurt you, but hurt people hurt people.

[00:41:43] That's so true.

[00:41:44] Mm hmm.

[00:41:44] Mm hmm.

[00:41:45] So I have to remember they're just hurt too.

[00:41:48] And I have to forgive them because how many times have I hurt people?

[00:41:53] Whether it's knowingly or unknowingly along the way, I'm picking up tools.

[00:41:57] And some of the tools that I've learned is it's okay to say, you know what, right now

[00:42:01] is not a good time for us to talk because I'm still, you know, whether it's in your feelings,

[00:42:06] I'm still in my feelings right now.

[00:42:07] I'm still really upset.

[00:42:08] And I might say something that's going to come off pretty abrasive.

[00:42:12] So give me 30 minutes.

[00:42:14] Yeah, I have to learn to say, but if in 30 minutes I'm still not feeling well, I have

[00:42:18] to come back and say, listen, I'm still pretty upset.

[00:42:21] Right.

[00:42:22] So maybe we can give me another day or something like I'm just going to like when I'm ready,

[00:42:27] I'll come to you so that the other person is not just waiting and lingering and it's

[00:42:31] going to be like, is it a one day becomes a year?

[00:42:33] That's not okay either.

[00:42:35] You know?

[00:42:35] And, and so that's one of the tools I've learned is like, I have to let some of that

[00:42:41] go behind me because holding onto it only hurts myself too.

[00:42:45] That's a very powerful tool.

[00:42:47] Yeah.

[00:42:48] I'd love that through all of your transformation over the years and everything that you've,

[00:42:53] all the hard work you've put into it, I can see that you, you have your voice, you

[00:42:58] find your voice.

[00:42:59] Yeah.

[00:42:59] Especially being able to use that particular tool.

[00:43:01] You really have to be confident and find your voice in order to be able to say, Hey,

[00:43:07] I can't, I can't talk about this right now.

[00:43:09] Oh yeah.

[00:43:10] Yeah.

[00:43:10] And that's definitely one of the hardest part of it was trying to say, Oh my gosh, you

[00:43:16] know, like, because it's so easy to forget that they're human too.

[00:43:19] Yeah.

[00:43:19] The people who have afflicted pain on you.

[00:43:22] Mm-hmm.

[00:43:22] And that they're going through their own journeys.

[00:43:24] Yes.

[00:43:25] And had to recognize that I had to forgive, you know, first forgive myself for not knowing,

[00:43:29] but also forgiving others for not knowing.

[00:43:31] And so, you know, whether it's husband number one or even husband number two, who really,

[00:43:36] really inflicted a lot of pain, not just emotional pain, but physical pain.

[00:43:41] Mm-hmm.

[00:43:42] Like I had to say, you know what?

[00:43:44] I forgive you because you don't know what you don't know.

[00:43:46] Good on you for also discovering your worth.

[00:43:49] You know, those feelings that everything is worthy.

[00:43:52] It's valid.

[00:43:53] And acknowledging it.

[00:43:54] A lot of incredible people who remind me daily.

[00:43:58] Well, Cindy, thank you so much for sharing your transformative journey with us.

[00:44:01] We've really enjoyed hearing your inspirational story.

[00:44:04] And we hope that you stay tuned for the next episode where we get to talk about all of the

[00:44:08] boons and gifts that Cindy has earned from all of her hard work.

[00:44:12] Thank you for joining us today.

[00:44:14] If you enjoyed this episode, please share, hit like, subscribe, and follow us on YouTube and

[00:44:20] wherever you get your podcasts.

[00:44:22] Feel free to email us at monomythdiaries at gmail.com with your monomyth and keep the conversations going.

[00:44:29] Until next time, heroes, let's journey together through stories.