Searching for Stability | Stephanie part 1

[00:00:00] Hey listeners, it's Mandi from the Monomyth Diaries. We're pushing the pause button for May, June, and July. Taking a little time to breathe, reflect, and prepare for what's ahead in Season 3. While we're away, we'll be replaying some listener favorites, host favorites, and some of our most downloaded episodes. Conversations filled with honesty, heart, and transformation. Whether you're hearing them for the first time or revisiting the ones that stayed with you, we hope they continue to meet you right where you are.

[00:00:27] Be sure to mark your calendars. We'll return the first Tuesday in August with new voices, powerful stories, and meaningful conversations. We're also excited to announce that next season we'll be doing some giveaways, so be on the lookout for those announcements. In the meantime, we'd truly love to hear from you. Visit monomythdiaries.com and tell us your Season 2 favorites, the guests who resonated, the tools and strategies you've tried, and the moments that stuck with you. Your feedback helps us shape where we go next.

[00:00:53] Thank you for listening, for sharing, and being part of this incredible journey. We can't wait to step into Season 3 together. Hi, everyone, and welcome to the Monomyth Diaries, a podcast where ordinary people get to share their hero's journey. I'm Mandy. And I'm Rachel, and we'll be your host. We'll discover powerful insights, critical moments of growth, and much more. Thanks for joining us. We all have a monomyth to share, and someone out there needs to hear it.

[00:01:21] Welcome back to the Monomyth Diaries, where it's a take what you like and leave the rest podcast. Today's featured hero is Stephanie. Stephanie's monomyth is about feeling alone, getting lost, and struggling with midlife transitions. We'll hear about her road to healing and finding joy again. Let's welcome Stephanie to the show. Stephanie, welcome to the Monomyth Diaries podcast. Thank you. Thank you for having me here today. I'm super excited, a little bit nervous, but I'm ready, I think.

[00:01:49] Okay, well, we're going to warm you up with some Monomyth Story starters. Okay. All right, what's your favorite way to spend a Saturday? I like doing lots of things. I enjoy rock climbing. I enjoy hiking, sometimes going to the movies, or even just hanging out at home and watching TV. So it really just depends on my mood. I'm kind of all over the place. Sweet or savory? Savory, yeah, for sure. Well, I don't know. Again, that kind of depends on my mood, but I'm more of a chips kind of person. Me too. So, Stephanie, what is your all-time favorite movie?

[00:02:17] I don't know if I can answer that, because there's a lot of them. My memory is going back to, like, 80s. Go for it. I think maybe Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead was a good one. Oh, I remember that movie, yeah. Do you remember that movie? I do remember that movie. I love that movie. Weird Science was another good one. I desperately wanted to see that, and then I wouldn't let me. Oh, really? To this day, I haven't watched it. It's on my list. Well, I wouldn't do it now, because you'd probably watch it and be like, this is dumb. So inappropriate. Yeah. I know. I know. It is.

[00:02:46] That just sets the tone for my childhood. If you could master one musical instrument, what would it be? The guitar. I played Guitar Hero for a couple of years. Come on. I got, like, super obsessed with it, and I was actually really, really good. And my husband would get so mad because I would beat him. And, yeah, I would say it's a guitar. So, Stephanie, if you could have any job for a day, what would it be? My job. I am an esthetician, and I absolutely love my job. I love that. I wouldn't want to be doing anything else.

[00:03:16] Oh. So it's, like, every day. Yes. I'm excited to go to work every day. Like, I get up, and it's like I get to go pamper my friends, you know? So I love it. Not many people can say they love doing what they do every day. Right. And I would have always said that. This job, yeah. Okay. That's awesome. Love it. We'll get to talk more about that in the moons. What is your favorite season? Summer. 100%. Really? Big reason I left Oregon. Came to Texas. I love the heat, yeah.

[00:03:46] Tired of being cold. Tired of being cold. I understand. I'm from Ohio. I get it. Yes. Yeah. What's a word you always misspell? Maybe not misspell, but have a hard time with and really have to think is like a restaurant. So if you had one wish, what would it be? That my kids and my grandkids move back to Texas. Are you feeling comfortable now? As comfortable as I'm going to get, probably. Yeah. It's just a conversation. That's what I need to remember. All right. Can you take us back to your early years and describe what they were like? Yeah. So growing up, we moved around a lot.

[00:04:15] My parents were teen parents. So they had me at 17, quickly separated. They didn't stay together very long. And my mom had met my stepdad, who was actually really, really young. He was 14. My mom was like 21 at the time, I think. So I was about four when they met and got together. So he had a really rough childhood as well. Didn't have education. So he worked at a lot of gas stations, you know, just very low income jobs. So my mom didn't work. She stayed home and took care of me. And so we were pretty poor.

[00:04:44] We grew up very poor and we moved around a lot. My parents sold drugs. They did drugs. So a lot of our income came from that. We had moved to the coast at one point and my stepdad had a Mustang. I don't remember the year or any of that. It was a really nice car. And we had a drug bus go down and they took that car from him. And they actually used that car in Lincoln City as a dare car for many, many years after that, which is kind of cool. He was quite upset about it. His baby. What's a dare car? So Karen's from Canada.

[00:05:12] So she doesn't know some of these, which is great because maybe some of the audience doesn't know what dare is either. So let's tell them. Yeah. I don't even know what it stands for if I'm being honest with you. It's drug awareness for young kids. Yeah. It's Smokey the Bear, but it's for drugs, you know. And they used the car. They used his car, his pride and joy. Yeah. He got that taken. So that was kind of something that stuck with me because there's a lot of things I don't remember. I'm thinking about writing a book. I'm feeling led to write a book, but it's been really hard and challenging because I really

[00:05:39] got to sit down and like almost meditate and like think about things because I think in my life, I've just tried to push it a lot of it out because I just don't want to think about it. You know what I mean? So I moved around a lot. Childhood was very toxic. My parents were young. My dad didn't have the greatest example himself. His stepdad was abusive. So he was not the nicest person. A lot of mental abuse, some physical abuse. My mom was a yeller. You know, it was just, it was just very toxic, very intense.

[00:06:08] I was always just kind of like walking on eggshells and on guard my whole life. And when you say dad, you're talking about your stepdad. I do. I've called him my dad my whole life because he raised me from the time I was four until he died. I was 22 when he passed away. My biological dad was still around and I would go see him in the summer and my stepmom because I had the same stepmom my whole life. My biological dad got with my stepmom when I was really young and they stayed together until I was about 22. A lot of things happened at that age, which she is still a constant in my life. So I'm very thankful for her.

[00:06:36] So Stephanie, can you describe the role that you played in your family? Yes. So I got my first little sister when I was eight years old and shortly after another one and another one, they were just a couple of years apart. So I ended up having three very young siblings at a young age. I was babysitting at eight years old by myself, which looking back on that now, I'm like, that's wild. I could never imagine leaving my eight year old with my infant baby. Like no way, but that's just me. My mom, she didn't work or anything, but my stepdad often works at like logging mills

[00:07:05] and things. So he would work graveyard shifts. So he was gone all night. And my mom, she wanted to go run around and party with her friends and things while he was at work. So I did a lot of babysitting. So there was just a lot of responsibility that I had at a young age, a lot of cleaning, a lot of cooking. And I made a lot of bad decisions because I didn't have guidance either. You know, I didn't have great guidance. And so my sisters, I'd be babysitting them. You know, we'd have parties at the house because my dad was at work and my mom was out roaming

[00:07:33] around. And so I'm like, I'll have my friends over if I can't go anywhere. You know, I'll come to me. So there was a lot of parties with my little sisters, just little, you know, like dancing in the living room with us and stuff. And I look back now and I'm like, now that I'm a mom, you know, I'm like, that's terrible. But I shouldn't have been left to care for these children at such a young age either, you know? No, you knew better. No. But I think it also helped me to become the mom that I was too. I was very comfortable when I had kids. I had a lot of friends that were like, man, my first baby, I'm so nervous.

[00:08:02] I don't know what to do. And I'm like, it's like no big deal. You're a mom, like it'll be fine. And it just wasn't, it was like second nature to me. So there's blessings in it too, you know? I think you answered this question, but I know that you said that, so you've got your stepdad and he's pretty much raising you. What was your relationship with your dad like, your stepdad? It was not good. He was a very grumpy man. And I say that now as an adult and looking back on things, I try to understand people

[00:08:29] more, you know, and there's reasons that we all are the way we are and we do what we do. And knowing a little bit about his childhood, I really do feel like he was doing the best he could with what he had, but he had a really bad temper. He would get into fights and in their wedding photos, he has a black eye because he got into a bar fight. Dad didn't really like to drink and I think that's why, but he was an avid pot smoker. You know, it was very toxic for many, many years. We didn't get along. He would poke at me and intentionally try to upset me.

[00:08:57] I feel like, like there'd be example is I would be in my room because that was kind of my sanctuary. It was where I would get away from everyone and I would go to my room and he would scream for me to come to the living room and I would walk out into the living room and he would be like, hand me the remote. As he's laying on the couch and the remote is on the coffee table that's like two feet from him and I would give it to him and he would just be like, what are you doing in there? It was always just kind of like intentional little jabs to try to get at me for whatever reason. So there was a lot of that. So there was a lot of bitterness for me.

[00:09:25] I many times was like, I hate him. You know, I can't stand him. I don't want to live here. My mom would stick up for me a lot, but she also had her own issues and was very much like a screamer. That's how our household was. It wasn't like there was no communication. We didn't talk about our feelings ever. It was suck it up. You're going to be fine. Don't be a baby. I'll give you a reason to cry. Those kinds of terms, you know? So having had this background, what was high school like? High school was good.

[00:09:53] So I did freshman and sophomore year of high school in a town that we were living in, which we moved around a lot. So that town specifically, I had lived there since the fifth grade. So that was the longest stretch I'd stayed somewhere. But we did leave after my sophomore year and we moved to a different area about four and a half hours away. I was terrified of going to a new school my junior year of high school. And it was a bigger school because I was from a really, really small town. And so I told my mom, I was like, I don't want to go to school. Like, I'm just going to get a job. You think you know everything at that age. I'm just going to get a job and I'll be fine.

[00:10:25] So I got a job and I was working at Burger King at like 16 years old. And about three, four months into that, I was like, I just looked around one day and I'm like, this is not the life that I want to live. So I quit my job, went back to school, ended up graduating on time. They had a program that year where you could go get your GED and trade it in for five credits. So it helped me get caught up. I was in alternative ed classes and I was determined to graduate high school. My parents did not. Neither one of them. My stepdad didn't. I was super excited. High school, on time, thankfully.

[00:10:55] Yeah, I couldn't move out quick enough. Like I was in such a hurry to get out of that house and they let me move out right after I graduated. So I was a few months short of being 18 and I moved in with my best friend at the time because her mom had a place. It was like a little detached apartment. It wasn't really an apartment because I didn't have a kitchen or anything, but it was just a little room, pretty much like a bedroom, you know, and that's where she was staying. So I moved in with her and I had a job at the time taking care of mentally handicapped adults, actually, with my mom because my mom was working there.

[00:11:25] And so I was doing that and we were getting into a whole lot of trouble, partying all the time. And we were just, you know, doing my 18 year olds. Her mom was kind of the same, similar, was more of a friend versus a mom, you know, and so she had a lot of freedom and we just didn't make the best decisions with that freedom that we could have. I think at one point too, you had said you moved closer to your biological dad. After this. Yeah. So moving forward. Yeah.

[00:11:52] I lived with her for a few months and again, it was only a few months. Yeah. It wasn't very long. Okay. I feel like the Holy Spirit has always, even though I didn't really have a relationship with the Lord, I always knew there was God, but I didn't really have a relationship with him. I didn't know how. Yeah. But I feel like he was always like prompting me like, this is not for you. You know, something was. You sounded like you were having like a teenage dream here with your friend. You guys have a run of the home, you're working, you have income coming in, you're partying.

[00:12:19] What shift did you do then move out of that whole scene? I just wanted something more. I knew that's not where I wanted to be. I just wanted something more. I had talked to my dad and my stepmom. My stepmom has been just a blessing to me. She's very good with the bills, balancing the checkbook, keeps a clean home, always was dressed nice and beautiful. And every time I would go see them in the summer, I was just like, oh my gosh, I just wish I lived with them, you know? And it was just so normal, I guess. Do you mind me asking why you didn't live with them? It wasn't an option.

[00:12:47] My dad's very non-confrontational and my mom is not. She's just hard to deal with. Right. When that even got brought up and then my stepdad would like threaten to beat him up. And I mean, it was just, when I say toxic, I mean toxic. I was afraid of them, you know, growing up. I wasn't allowed to say anything or have feelings. And if I did, I got the wrath. They led by fear a lot. So I did talk to my dad though. I was already on my own, you know? And he's like, hey, you move here. We'll help you get an apartment.

[00:13:16] We think we can help you get a job with it. Because they were long haul truck drivers and they worked for this warehouse. And they're like, we think you can get you a job here, you know? And I was like, okay, cool. And it was like really good money for someone my age. So I moved down there and just, you know, trusted them to help me. And they did help me get an apartment. So I got my own apartment and I interviewed for this job. So everything was just like amazing. I felt really good. I was in a new area. And then that's where I met my husband. It was my cousin's friend.

[00:13:44] We were at my dad's and he'd come over to help him with homework. They were still in high school. And so a week after I met him, after I started dating him, he moved in with me. So we moved really, really, really fast. Yeah. Because I had my own apartment. I was like, oh, I've got, you know, my own place, whatever. He's like, oh, that's cool. Older chick. Let's do it. But he's still in high school. He was still in high school. He was like a month from being 18.

[00:14:11] So he was older and he went to his dad and was like, hey, you know, like I want to move out with my girlfriend. And his dad's like, absolutely not. But his dad ended up coming to him like later that night. And he was like, look, if you want to move out with her, like, go ahead. You know, we've been together ever since. So we were together about three years and then we became engaged and then we split up for about four or five months. In that time, he ended up getting another girl pregnant.

[00:14:38] So I have a stepson, actually, who's older than my kids. Yeah. Which we have an excellent relationship with. We took him all summer and the summertime and all that. So he grew up with us and our kids. They're super close to this day. So it's really awesome. I love that. We got back together, decided him having a baby coming. We had our wedding plan. Got all that done. We had moved to, there's so much. I'm like, sometimes I'm like, wow. It's like, just like, like a storm. Yeah. I don't even sail this. People are like, what?

[00:15:10] We moved to Seattle for a little while. Right. Lived there for about eight months and then we ended up moving back to Central Oregon. So we got married while we lived in Seattle. Moved back to Central Oregon where then my husband started working for my stepdad. Because at that point, my stepdad had started his own construction business. And so he was building homes in Central Oregon. And Jeremy thought that'd be a good thing for him to learn. We moved back. He started working for him. Living there for a while. We had our oldest daughter and when she was about four months old, my stepdad passed away.

[00:15:39] They say heart issues. The family had a history of heart issues, but he died on his 34th birthday. Like he was super young. That's very young. But he was taking methadone and Oxycontin. He was on prescription pills. Right. He had tension, migraine headaches for years. And looking back now, like he had been on pills for a long time. It's just things you don't notice as a kid, you know, you don't really think about or know.

[00:16:02] So he passed away and then we moved in with my mom and my little sisters to help them out financially and all that stuff. So we were living in like a little mini house that he had built in the backyard of the house. My mom has always been really, really terrible with money. So it's hard to help someone that won't help themselves either. So at points you have to kind of like, okay, well, you know, boundaries. Yeah. Yeah. Boundaries. So we kind of had to set those boundaries.

[00:16:30] We moved back out, got our own place. So I was stay at home. I took care of my daughter. My husband worked a lot. How old were you when you had your first child? 22. You're 22. Yeah. Okay. And how old were you when you guys got married? 21. Wow. And he was younger than you. Yes. He was 20. You guys are young. Yes. We were super young. I know. I'm like thinking about my kids. I'm like, oh my gosh. I didn't feel like I was young. Yeah. Of course not. I've been through so much. I'm like, I'm good. And you knew everything.

[00:17:01] Oh, I knew. Yes. I knew it all. I knew way more then than I know now. I'll tell you that. I figured that out. Way more then. Yeah. You've become humble. Gotcha. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. So you're a stay at home mom. You have your one daughter. Yes. You continue to stay at home. I'm a more kid. Yep. And then a couple years later, I had another one. A couple years later, I had another one. So we now have three. And then the stepson that had lived a couple hours away that we would get on weekends and those things.

[00:17:30] But I was a stay at home mom until our youngest son went into kindergarten. And then I cried all day that day. It was so sad for me. I have this attachment with my kids. Like it's probably unhealthy, but it's maybe normal. Yeah. So I stayed home for about 14 years. It was great. I love being a stay at home mom. I am a clean freak. So I was just like constantly moving and doing. And there'd be some days my car didn't leave the driveway for three or four days. You know, I liked being at home. It was my sanctuary.

[00:17:59] I made it comfortable. Everybody has always said my home is like very cozy. You know, I've just always created a cozy space probably because I needed it, you know, in my life. So that's funny because the question I was going to ask was, how do you think your upbringing and what life was like for you in the beginning affected your parenting, your marriage? Like how did it influence? Yeah. It influenced it a lot. Mostly in like things I knew I didn't want to do that I had had in my life. And, you know, we're not perfect, right?

[00:18:28] Like the way we grew up is the way we are and that's in us. And so there's times I'm like, man, wish I wouldn't have done that or, you know, but I really did try hard to, to be better and to do better for my kids. So we started going to church. I always believed in God. I used to talk to him and pray, you know, but like I didn't have a true relationship with the Lord. You know, I didn't know what else. I just knew there was a God and that was about it. And so I knew I wanted my kids in church because I wanted them to have that foundation, but I didn't know how to give it to them, you know, let the church do it.

[00:18:56] So we got them involved in church when they were very little. My husband hated it. He didn't want nothing to do with church. We'd go into church and he would do anything for his kids. So he went for his kids, but it was like, I don't want to be here. This is dumb, you know? Right. And he would sit next to me and just hear him like sighing. And I'm like, you're ridiculous, you know? But the Holy Spirit totally like took him in. I'll never forget the day he raised his hands to be saved. And I was just like, I just like lost it, you know?

[00:19:25] Like I can't even believe that he's doing this right now. Oh no, I'm a grower. It was good. It was good. So, but it's obviously, it takes time for us to really grow, right? Like, especially with our backgrounds the way they are and stuff. So there was a lot in between, but that was the start to something really, really amazing. So that was good. And the kids grew up in church and we were there. I mean, Sunday, Wednesday, the doors were open. We were there. I was a volunteer. I led some of the youth group and like helped with that and went on missions trips.

[00:19:54] And like, I was very, very involved, but I never really like spent alone time with the Lord, if that makes sense. You know, like I was at church and I, and I loved it. It's not like I was faking it or any of that. It just wasn't, I didn't have like my, I didn't pray before making decisions or, you know, those kinds of things. Like where you're really grounded in him. I wasn't, I wanted that, but I guess I just, I don't know. Didn't really know how to do it. So for many years, it was that like I had quit drinking. I quit smoking. Like a lot of great things came out of it.

[00:20:24] You know, our life was pretty amazing. Actually, I remember telling our pastor's wife a little bit about my childhood and she was like, Stephanie, I don't even know how you're here right now. Like who you are, you know? And I'm like, it's God. There's no other answer, right? Like it's not me, obviously. And I must have some sort of purpose. So I think you told me when we talked before that you really felt the need to be your kid's role model. The person who said it's a good example. I wanted to show them how to balance a checkbook.

[00:20:53] I wanted to teach them about savings accounts, you know, because like here I am as an adult, I still don't have a savings account. I just wanted all of that for them that I didn't have. I didn't want to be the screamer. And I did struggle with that because that's who I am and that's who I grew up to be. So I did struggle with the communication part because it's not easy for me to communicate, you know, but I did try. That's what I tried to always remember is like be who you needed. I love that you took agency. You know, it's easy to fall back on the excuse like, well, this is all I ever known and just repeat the past.

[00:21:22] Even though you didn't know where you were going, but you knew you wanted to give your children the childhood you didn't have. Right. Yeah. And I really commend you for that. Yeah. Well, thank you. I don't like excuses and I even hate that word excuses. Sure. There is a reason people do the things they do. I really believe that. It's not an excuse. It doesn't make it okay, but there's reasons why people do what they do. And some people do overly use them, I guess, but. Or it's what they're comfortable with. Right. Because the unknown is scarier. It's so scary.

[00:21:52] Yeah. But every time I step out of my comfort zone and I do something, I don't want to do it. Yeah. I don't want to do it at all. And I'm like, like I told you, I almost didn't come. Like, I'm like, just go, Stephanie. Like, I just wanted to back out. I'm even, I'm not going to lie. I'm even thinking about like, well, what if I get sick? And then I'm like, just stop, just go. You know, like this is ridiculous. I hate public speaking. I hate all of it. You know, my honesty gets me in trouble sometimes too. But it is what it is.

[00:22:20] And, you know, but every time I do that, something amazing always comes out of it. And so I just have to keep remembering that. Just do it. Just do it. It's not about me. No. It's not about me. So the kids are all growing up. Everything is happy. Kids are growing up. Everything is good. We're busy. I was super busy with the two younger ones. And then our oldest daughter, when she was 16, it's kind of a funny story. You know, when you think something in your head and you're like, no, that's crazy. Like, how can you even, you know?

[00:22:49] And I just was like thinking, her stomach is getting a little big. There's no way. You know, whatever. This is my oldest daughter is like National Honor Society student. Like, never gets in trouble. I don't want to say the perfect child, but pretty close. So we went to her work one night to get a pizza, my husband and I. And we walked in and we grabbed the pizza. We said hi to her. You know, we walked out. And my husband was like, man, Kylie's getting a belly on her. And like, as soon as he said that, my heart just like sank. And I looked at him and I was like, she's pregnant.

[00:23:19] And he was like, what? Like, because he's like, we're talking about this out of nowhere. And I'm like, she's pregnant. So I told him what I've been thinking, you know, and she had been like stealing his sweatshirts and wearing them more and just different behavior, you know? So we, I don't remember if it was, I think it was the next day. Okay. We didn't say anything that night because she worked fairly late most nights. I just went in there. I was like, Kylie, is there something you want to tell me? It was just very like silent, you know?

[00:23:47] And I think she knew what I was getting at, but she didn't want to know what I was getting at. And she was very much like in denial. And yeah. So she just broke down and started crying. I was like, you know, I think I'm pregnant. She didn't really know for sure. She hadn't done a pregnancy test yet. Her and her boyfriend were freaking out. He was really, really scared of his family and how the consequences of that were going to be for him. Right. You know, and so I just hugged her and I was like, it's okay. It's going to be fine.

[00:24:15] But I mean, you know, and it kind of was a mess after that with having to talk to the boyfriend's parents. And oh boy. Yeah. They were kind of more on the not keeping the baby side, like giving the baby up for adoption. And I was like, no, that's not an option. Like, you know, she's got plenty of support. It's not that she doesn't. So, you know, if he doesn't want to be involved, that's fine. We won't hold you to anything, you know, but this is what, you know, we're going to support our daughter. And they were, they were very much like, well, no, he's going to take responsibility, you know, all that too.

[00:24:44] So it was the biggest blessing of my life though. So not ideal. Right. But like grandkids are the best thing ever. So things have turned out well. And my daughter is still with him to this day. And now they have two children and they are married. So they're doing really well. And I'm super proud of them. And I have two amazing grandbabies from that. Right. I keep thinking about the picture you painted of your childhood, how like there was a lot of yelling, you know, that was your normal.

[00:25:12] And then, and it sounds like when this revelation, this bombshell goes on about your daughter, it sounds like the complete opposite. Oh, yeah. You guys handled it. Yeah. No, there wasn't yelling. No, I wasn't going to make her feel like, I know that when we are in those situations, when we do something we shouldn't do. Or when we feel guilty about something, like what good does it do to make somebody feel worse about it? Yeah. A baby's a blessing. Like we're just going to make the best of it. And that's that. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I love that you made her feel really safe and comfortable.

[00:25:41] Well, I had people reach out to me and like, I'm so proud of you for like supporting your daughter. And like, what else would I do? Yeah. I don't even understand that. Like, where's the other side of that, you know? And they're like, oh, a lot of people wouldn't. And this is happening in 2018. So it's pretty recent. Yeah. My grandson's six. He just turned six in eight. Grandson. Yeah. And then a one-year-old granddaughter. Yeah. So life is grand in Oregon.

[00:26:09] And I just want to reiterate, I'm so, I love that you made your daughter feel accepted, like accepted for her and her whole situation. And my understanding is your daughter and your grandson lived with you. Yes. In this period. Yeah. Is this a permanent arrangement? Well, they lived with us until he was about two years old. So COVID hit, things got weird, Oregon got weird. So we had talked about leaving, you know, we didn't really want to stay there, but I was never going to leave my grandson. You know, I'm like, I'm not, it's not going to happen, you know, because I was very attached to him.

[00:26:38] Like he was my little buddy and they lived with us, you know, so it was, it was a different element. It wasn't just being a grandma, you know, I couldn't really spoil him as much as I wanted to, which my daughter will argue and say I did anyways. But I'm like, no, it could be way worse. Because in my eyes, he should get whatever he wants because it's not my job, right? I had to be the bad guy. I don't got to do that anymore. That should be like, I feel like I earned that, you know, she gets so mad at me still. She's like, mom, you can't do that. I have to deal with them afterwards. I'm like, that's my job.

[00:27:07] Like I had to be stern with you and be the bad guy. Now I don't have to be anymore. That was your role as a parent. That was definitely my role. The bad cop. Yeah. I was always the bad cop. My husband was very passive, doesn't like confrontation. There was a lot of bitterness with my husband because of that. When my kids got older, especially, I noticed it getting just festering more and more because I felt like it was like I had already raised my kids. It was done.

[00:27:34] And, you know, I was just known as the bad guy who always had to make the decisions and say no. And so, yeah. But my daughter came to us and said, hey, Cole and I are thinking about moving to Florida because his sister lives there. And they wanted something new. You know, they were adults and they wanted to try something. And I get it. Like be adventurous. And so I was like, okay, well, your dad and I had been talking about moving to Texas. So if you're going to go to Florida, we might as well, you know, we're not going to stay in Oregon. So we moved to Texas fairly quickly.

[00:28:01] Like we put our house on the market, sold it within a couple months, and we were out of there. And this is all happening in 2021. Yes. So we sold our house. We moved to Texas. My daughter moved to Florida. It didn't last very long up there. She was there about four months and they were lonely and stuff. And so I had taken a U-Haul trailer up with the truck and got their things and moved them to Texas. So then I was like, oh, this is perfect, right? Like I've got my kid and my grandkid and all my other kids. Like everyone's in Texas. Like I'm super happy this worked out well, whatever. But they didn't last very long.

[00:28:31] They stayed about 10 months. And she was having a really hard time like making a decent living. He was having a hard time making a decent living. You know, they're young. So my son-in-law's grandma had said, you know, if you want to move back to Oregon, I'll help you with school. Like to go to school, paying for it and things. So that was their option at the time. And it was a good option for them. Like I think it was even as much as I didn't want them to leave, it was a good decision for them. So they ended up leaving and just crushed me.

[00:28:59] Like in the midst of all of that, I was also going through some perimenopausal stuff. And I didn't know this at the time. I figured all this out now, like looking back and all the symptoms I had and stuff. So my hormones were completely like out of whack. My daughter and my grandson were moving back to Oregon. You know, I was just like crushed by the weight of everything. I was depressed. I would go to work and I would come home and just like lay in my bed. Like cry, didn't want to do anything. I hid emotions a lot. Like I wouldn't cry in front of people, you know.

[00:29:26] And so I was always just trying to suppress that as much as I could. And I think that just made things worse. I didn't want to live. I mean, it sounds ridiculous, but it's like I felt like it was like losing a little child, you know. I think you kind of prepare yourself for your adult kids to move out. But then the grandson just threw a wrench in. Like that was totally different for me, you know. And had he never lived with me, it might have been different, I guess. There was just a bond there with us, you know.

[00:29:56] And so it was really hard. Yeah. And I think with hormones, looking back now and knowing the things I know, I was also going through perimenopausal things with my hormones and I had no idea. So a lot of mental health issues. It was like the perfect storm. That's perfect storm. Yeah. And we're going to pick back up on that in our next episode. Stephanie, thank you so much for sharing the first part of your monomyth with us today. Your journey shows us that transformation can start in the spaces where we feel most lost.

[00:30:22] In our next episode, we'll dig deeper into the decisions that changed everything, the choices, the consequences, and the courage it took to rebuild. You won't want to miss the honesty, growth, and grace that unfolds in part two. Thanks for joining us on the Monomyth Diaries. If this episode resonates with you or someone you know, we'd love for you to share it and spread the inspiration. Don't forget to follow us wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube to stay connected. We'd appreciate if you could take a moment and rate and review the podcast.

[00:30:50] It helps us reach more people with stories of transformation and growth. You can visit us at monomythdiaries.com or text us directly from the show notes to reach out and keep the conversations going. Until next time, heroes, let's journey together through our monomyths.