The Archives: Ep 10 - Christina: Young Motherhood, Facing Life’s Challenges and Heartbreak (part 1 of 2)

[00:00:00] Hey listeners, it's Mandi from the Monomyth Diaries. We're pushing the pause button for May, June and July. Taking a little time to breathe, reflect and prepare for what's ahead in Season 3. While we're away, we'll be replaying some listener favorites, host favorites and some of our most downloaded episodes. Conversations filled with honesty, heart and transformation. Whether you're hearing them for the first time or revisiting the ones that stayed with you, we hope they continue to meet you right where you are.

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[00:00:53] Thank you for listening, for sharing, and being part of this incredible journey. We can't wait to step into Season 3 together. Hi everyone, and welcome to the Monomyth Diaries, a podcast where ordinary people get to share their hero's journey. I'm Mandi. And I'm Rachel, and we'll be your host. We'll discover powerful insights, critical moments of growth, and much more. Thanks for joining us. We all have a monomyth to share, and someone out there needs to hear it.

[00:01:21] Welcome back to the Monomyth Diaries. This is a Take What You Like and Lead the Rest podcast. Today, we're joined by someone whose journey is deeply personal and incredibly life-altering. Christina, thank you so much for joining us and your willingness to share your story of becoming a young mom. Of course. Thank you for having me. Before we start, though, we're going to start with some mom best story starters. So there's a quick question to get you comfortable, get you talking, get the audience to know you a little bit. Okay, let's do it. All right, question one. Dogs or cats? Dogs. What's about your dog?

[00:01:50] I have dogs and cats. My dog, Hank, is a rescue. I've had them for almost three years now. I call him my boyfriend. And I have two cats who are recent rescues. I was photographing bridles at a barn when the tornadoes actually came through Houston. We heard just a little meowing, and I found two horrible kittens.

[00:02:15] So they came home with me, and lo and behold, my son is actually a cat person. We didn't know that. So they're Becky and Shiv. Wow. Shiv. Yeah, because they'll cut you. How does Hank and the cats go on? Well, they have definitely been raised by pit bulls, and they are like little dogs themselves. So they get along great. They play with his tail. They all cuddle all the time.

[00:02:45] He chases them around the house. They hide from him, come out from the couch, get him. So, yeah, they're best friends. They're very unbothered by him, and he's very bothered by them. It's a bad time. Well done. Do you have a nickname? If so, what is it? I have a few nicknames. It depends on the phase of life in which you met me.

[00:03:11] So I think that there's a Chris, shortened for Christina, based on what one of my service industry nicknames was for years until we got too many Christophers and Christina's and stuff. And Cricket is another nickname. So my co-ed softball team, I'm Cricket. And one of my best girlfriends, my sister, nicknamed me that years ago. And I've asked her, like, where did it come from?

[00:03:40] She has no idea. But she'll introduce me to people, and I'm like, I'm Christina. And they're like, oh, you're Cricket. And I'm like, okay. So I know who introduced you. And then also a rabbit. So it's my Chinese Zodiac. It's a fire rabbit. And part of my business, WDR, the rabbit is in the acronym for that. So my personal Instagram and things, it's like Christina Rabbit Griffin. Is that where Waterdog is?

[00:04:09] Yeah, they're Chinese Zodiacs. Oh. Yeah. So Waterdog. Is a splittered Zodiac. Oh. I didn't know that. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. That's so awesome. I was in Hong Kong, and there's the 10,000 Buddhas monastery. So you're going up all these steps, and there's just Buddhas everywhere. Little statues. It's beautiful. But by the time you get up to the top, you're absolutely exhausted.

[00:04:35] And you're taking a breath, but you can see all of Hong Kong City behind you. And there's this little gift shop. And I just found, like, little Zodiac charms. And it stuck with me that whole little moment. So I brought that sentiment into my company. Yeah. I actually think I've been to that monastery. It was my grandmother. Yes. So she went to the top? She said, well, what I did. Yeah. She went to make offerings at some of the shrines. Yeah.

[00:05:04] So I was there, and I'm like, I'm going to do this. Yeah. I think I was still, like, 19. And how did you feel when you reached the top? Oh, it was, like, beautiful. Beautiful. Definitely. And, like, each step is just so different. So there's no real, like, cadence you can get into going up the steps. You're, like, little step, double step, three little steps. Yeah. I think I don't know how old it is, but yeah. Super ancient. It's a good idea.

[00:05:33] I don't know about you. It's awesome. So cricket or rabbit, if you could have dinner with anyone dead or alive, who would it be? Wow. I really love Lady Gaga. Mm. I really do. I think that she's just a fascinating human in a lot of the roles that she's portrayed, the way she's able to throw herself into them.

[00:05:57] But also, I think that she does a lot for women and just being organically ourselves. Yeah. Which is always, like, telling some of her stories just to connect with us. And then maybe Sean Connery. He's been in a lot of conversations around me in the last week. He's on my mind. There's a bit about Alcatraz. Reminds me of like, don't you cry? Right.

[00:06:24] So, could you imagine going to a dinner with Sean Connery and just hearing his voice? Yes. All the time. There's only one funny comment here. You can hear it in your head right now. That's true. I can't. I can't. Your husband tries to do a very poor impression of it. I really want to try to do it right now, but I'm not even going to attempt it. Maybe some behind the scenes. Yeah. I'd have to listen to a clip really quick and then go for it.

[00:06:54] There's just a particular, like, way that his mouth moves and his accent that's really cute. Yeah. You know who it is. Like, when he listens to his mouth, you're like, oh, yeah. Sean Connery. Yeah, you can find him with, like, blockbuster movies with my dad. You know, you can pick a movie out on a Friday night. It's an action pass on Connery. And I just, there's, like, a warmth in his voice. Like, Morgan Freeman. Yeah. All right. As a photographer, I'm so interested in how you're going to answer this question.

[00:07:24] Sunrise or sunset? Sunset. I have chased a lot of sunrises. And there's just something about a 4 a.m. wake up that takes away the beauty for me. I feel it. I love sunsets. And, like, a lot of my current photography work is very focused around golden hour.

[00:07:49] So any engagement or family sessions that are outdoors, even weddings, if they have an early ceremony time, I always put in a sunset pool so that we can capture those golden hour images. It's just the way the golden light hits. And there's, like, a softness to it. And it's also so dramatic and vibrant. And sunrise can be, like, a little misty and soft and more pastel-y.

[00:08:18] But I feel like the drama and sunsets and the, like, beyond colors are just so beautiful and drawn to them. I knew you were growing up to our friends. I know we did less suns in the evening like that. Sure, yeah. Specifically, 90 minutes of our golden hour is prime time. So I always, I'll, like, trip the sunset. We, like, sunsets at 615. We should meet at, like, 445 and go into outfit one, too.

[00:08:42] Because sometimes if the cloud coverage is dramatic enough, you get, like, those really beautiful colors. But you get it for, like, 14 minutes. And you've got to be logistically prepared. And I always feel really proud when I'm able to get all the shots and poses I want in during that. Because, like, there's no reshoot. You have so much time. That's the challenge. And then blue hour is on. And everything goes really cool around you as soon as the sun sets.

[00:09:10] Do you have a favorite quote or mantra? I listen to friends of affirmations every day. So I think a powerful quote or mantra for me is just telling myself every day that you are enough and you are doing a good job. We're going to talk about it again. Like, you're right on the second. Yeah. Because we've talked about this. What's your favorite song?

[00:09:37] My favorite song is the song A Thousand Years by Christina Perry. I was a huge Twilight fan. Weston is, too. I love it. He sings that song all the time. And you can watch the intro to so many weddings. There's instrumentals and the Bridgerton. And it's just so beautifully done. I've loved it since it first came out. And it was one of the songs that I would sing to my youngest son.

[00:10:05] After he passed away, I didn't want to listen to it or hear it. And then I got into the wedding industry and I heard it all the time. So now there's this beautiful moment where all you can do is come smile. So this song just invokes a lot of emotion indeed when I hear it. So, Christina, can you take us back to the moment when you found out that you were pregnant? I was 13. This was 2000. And my son was born in 2001.

[00:10:33] I think it was born in November 2001. So I probably knew a couple of months into it just because you don't get your period. And I didn't take a test or anything. I was going on to summer break. So it was the summer of my eighth grade here. And I was going to visit family in Colorado for a month. So my younger brother and I were flying out there.

[00:11:01] And I was going to be staying with my aunt, uncle, and my cousins. So this is my mom's younger sister. And she's from Colorado. So it was a visit to see my grandparents out there. And so we're in Colorado. And I am inviting my cousins. I have two guy cousins and two girl cousins out there.

[00:11:27] And the older of the two gals, she and I were very similar in age. So we were buddies. I was in her room with her. And we were having sleepovers. And I invited in her that I was pregnant. How old was she? She's 13 also. Okay. Yes. And we have been going to water parks, amusement parks, camping trips in Nebraska. I was doing water sports. I was a very active, outgoing teenager. Right.

[00:11:57] So in your mind this whole time, you thought you were pregnant or you knew you were? I thought. Okay. That's just a suspicion. Yes. Yeah. But I'm also 13 and incredibly naive. I'm raised in a very religious household and don't talk about the birds and the bees. And so experiencing the act of it, which I lost my virginity at school. So I was very active.

[00:12:26] And all of my extradriculars, so straight A student, winning awards for math competitions, in theater, bringing home trophies for everything that I did. So I just had a lot of access to the school and there's a lot of trust there. So I definitely took advantage of that. But so summer hits and I tell my cousin and she tells my aunt.

[00:12:51] And my aunt, we were like at the zoo and we're all having a self-family trip and we go home. We drop off the other kids. My aunt has a one-on-one with me. And she was like, Christina, are you pregnant? I was like, well, I don't know. I'm not actually taking a test. And so she took me to buy a test. And that was when it was confirmed. And then we had to go over how do we call my parents and tell them what was going on. Right?

[00:13:20] So were you pretty close with your aunt? We grew up in Texas. And so we would see them every now and then. I, we would talk on the phone though. You know, that was like, you know, weekly phone calls with different family members. Oh, that's nice. My mom was one of three girls. She's the oldest. So this was her baby, baby sister. Okay. And you just think, so I think back in that position I put her in. You have your big sister's daughter at your house. Right.

[00:13:49] And you find out that she's pregnant. You also have four children of your own. And you're like, how do I manage this situation? And she did it with so much grace. She really made me feel safe to this day. She is one of my biggest supporters. And we had to call my mom and it was one of those, what do you want to do, Christina? No one knew how far along I was.

[00:14:16] So your mom asked you that question or your aunt asked you that question? After my mom stopped crying, she asked me that question. Yeah. I was just so, there was so much trouble. And like, I was so good at everything. It was just a real shock that I was 13 years old and pregnant, you know, and you're processing this. So my mom didn't lay in bed and drive for weeks. Just absolutely heartbreaking. And I still had some of my trip left.

[00:14:45] So being gone for a month, I thought maybe I was just a couple of months along, but I was really almost six months along. Wow. So there was no option. There was, even though they wanted to drive up and take me to get an abortion, there was not that option. We were going to all have a baby in the family, whether we wanted to or not. So then it was, do you want to keep him or do you want to give him up for adoption? Right.

[00:15:14] And I just could never even fathom, you know, having a child and then him being raised somewhere else. Though looking back, that probably would have been a much more stable environment for him, of course. And he would have had so many advantages that he just didn't have having a young mom. I think our relationship is so wonderful now. I made the right decision, even though the phase was leading up to where we are now.

[00:15:44] I didn't always make the best decisions. So yeah, it was, it was wild. And so you must've been terrified having to make that phone call to your parents. Yeah, absolutely. My mom and dad were spare the rods, oil the child. Oh boy. And so we were raised in a very disciplined home. And I, I knew I messed up like big time.

[00:16:11] So, and then it's like the anticipation. You just have to fly home. Your parents have to pick you up from the airport. I had started to gain weight. And when I got off the plane, I had this like little belly and my mom burst into tears. And I can imagine now looking back how shocking that is when I was going into my freshman year. So I think I started my freshman year, seven months pregnant. What were you thinking and feeling on that plane right at home?

[00:16:40] I did not want to go home. Yeah, absolute fear. But also, I think there was just a naivety to what I was going to be getting into. You don't realize how many things go into being pregnant when you, I'm on my parents' insurance, that they aren't covering everything. So then having supplemental Medicaid and starting to figure out the government programs available to help, I knew I couldn't have a job.

[00:17:10] I didn't drive. And that was something that my family had to pick up is not only the tabs for an additional mouth to feed, but also like the errands and, you know, prepping a house for a baby to be there. And it took a village and it was me, my parents, my older brother, and my younger brother. So it sounds like your parents eventually got on board with you wanting to keep your son. Yeah. So there weren't a choice.

[00:17:39] Is that accurate? No, of course. And I think everybody was just kind of like, what do we do? Right. And it was also awkward, like, meeting his dad's family and, you know, his dad lived with his grandparents and was 15 when my son was born. Right. This is two years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:18:02] So having to tell his grandparents that he was raised by, his mom abandoned him when he was a baby. And yeah, he was raised in a very strict Catholic household. And having the two families come together, I remember that meeting so specifically because it's just like, everybody is like, what are we going to do? My son's dad never lived with us. We were really young.

[00:18:31] So he was right from the start a weekend dad. And I think a lot of the responsibility did fall on my family because they were the constant in the everyday. Yeah. But I also didn't make decisions as an adult for my child until he was a couple years old. I didn't even drive with him for the first time until he was three. Oh, my God. It was a Halloween.

[00:19:01] Oh, wow. Yeah. He was dressed as a little giraffe. And I had just gotten on four guys and my sister's at Chili's. And my mom was supposed to drive us to go truck or treating. And she didn't want to go. She was tired that night. And she was like, okay, you can drive him. So I drove him to the mall. And we walked around in this little giraffe costume. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was so cute. So today's my anniversary. It's been 20 years. Wow. Yeah, that's cute. Yeah, just for fun.

[00:19:31] How old is your new today? Just for people that don't know. So you're in your 30s. Yes, I'm 37. I just had my birthday in August. And he is 22. He will be 23 November 29th. Wow. He's a successful bar manager. We have such a wonderful relationship. We just took a trip to Portland together for Portland cocktail week.

[00:19:58] It was really fun to see him as a young adult experiencing life and travel and making new friends and bringing education back to his staff here. All the years in our relationship that really brought us to this moment. Y'all have such a nice relationship. And you both have such a success story. And we're so excited that you're going to get to show everybody how you got from, you know, a teenage mom to your successful, awesome, authentic, lovely self.

[00:20:28] I do tell people all the time when I meet them. I am a teen mom success story. So you really are. Yeah. And they're shocked when they meet me that I have such an older child. People meet me and automatically assume that I'm 28 or 72. That I haven't even really started my life yet. And then they find out that I'm an empty master. It's a very unique situation that I find myself in. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Do I circle back around to so you've had a junior.

[00:20:57] No. You give a birth to him and you're living at home. Oh, yes. What was that like as a mom, you're in high school, but at the same time you're having to live with your parents and raise your child. Right. It was very frustrating. Right. Very demeaning at times, I think. Because you, I mean, I didn't know anything. But in that moment, I thought I knew everything. So. I'm glad to hear you say that out loud.

[00:21:27] So many of us say that. You think you're a teenager. Yep. We do. And there were moments raising my own teenager. I was like, you're such a teenager. Aaron. Those little moments of realization. But it was incredibly difficult. I was still in school until about seven and a half months pregnant. And I was riding the bus. And that was tea. And it was mornings.

[00:21:57] I was in a really large Houston school. So I just didn't want to go back one day. So I dropped out of school. I was going to homeschool. Right. So there was this like Harborough homeschool where they get through a box of booklets. You read through them. Take your tests. And then you talk to your high school education. Mm-hmm. Not really a self-starter or a foreigner in that way. So I found that difficult to do. And sure.

[00:22:27] Self-guiding yourself at 14. I also found difficult to do. So I really lacked in education during that time of my life. And I was a practically a stay-at-home daughter. So 14 years old, this little baby. Both of my parents were working full-time. It was wake up in the morning and how do you prep the house for success?

[00:22:54] So everyday chores, dusting, mopping, vacuuming, prepping dinner for everyone. And when they got home that evening, and then also my older brother ended up having a baby when my son was about seven months old. So then he had a second little one in the house. I did not realize that. Yeah. My niece, Tiana, very close in age with my son. So they were raised kind of like siblings. And I, my job was to stay at home with both of them.

[00:23:23] So a lot of cooking, a lot of cleaning, house management until I was able to get my first job. You weren't just being mom at this time. You're also taking care of your entire family, like your brothers and your parents, because you're running this entire household and two little ones. Yeah. And my mom and dad were working very long hours to monetarily provide for this situation. So I look back at that as well.

[00:23:52] And I'm sure that that was a huge burden for them to take on that I did not fully appreciate in the moment. But also, I was a little wild as a teenager. So they were also managing having a teen mom who also acted out as well. You know, there were a lot of imperfections in my personality then.

[00:24:16] And I think that child trauma I have gone through and as I process the things I've done as an adult, I feel as if the trauma I experienced as a child was just different things. Mm-hmm. It led me to be a hypersexual teenager. Mm-hmm. And I was always seeking a relationship of some kind. I was sneaking out of the house.

[00:24:38] I was having humans pick me up from driving school and skipping driving school and going out and having fun because those were my couple of hours that I didn't have my child or something. Right. And then getting caught in the things and the repercussions of that. So it was all the time. Yeah. Yeah. So no real social interactions. You know, all your friends are in school. Mm-hmm. No senior prom. No homecoming.

[00:25:08] I went to an orchestra banquet once. I got to dress up for that. So that was fun. My friend brought me out to this date. But all of those things that I loved about school, I really missed and regretted anything that acted out a lot. Did you continue to date to your dad, right? Yes. Yeah. So. But he stays after the junior child during this time. Absolutely. Okay. Right. Yes, absolutely. So he would pick him up and like do FFA.

[00:25:36] His dad stayed in school and graduated as a senior. He got the support from his family to like be in FFA and all of those things. So I would go to some of his school things. So what's FFA? Future Farmers of America. Oh. Yeah. Where they get to like raise pigs and different animals. Could you maybe talk a little bit about what was your relationship with Junior's dad during this entire time? Because you mentioned you're dating on and off.

[00:26:04] So I'm going to read that things weren't perfect. No, of course not. And we were so young when we started dating. It was like middle of eighth grade. So off and on a little bit. I was more all the time. His dad adored me. And still to this day, he wouldn't do anything for me. He's married now and has stepkids. And my son will go over there and hang out with him in the family.

[00:26:30] But he at any point would have been by my side and just happy to be a happy little family. I, however, wanted more. And I just didn't know what that was. I had a 16-year-old relationship. Going on different dates. Just kind of feeling out what I do and don't like about humans. And exploring and having fun when my son is at his dad's on the weekend. So getting to go ask my age a little bit.

[00:27:00] Discover who you are. I do feel as if now, at 37, I know exactly who I am. And my heart hurts for that girl sometimes when you look back and just so confused and making all the wrong decisions. And one of my biggest life regrets is just not spending that time finding myself with my son. I could have had so many more memories with him. And I gave myself a really hard time about it.

[00:27:27] But I'm constantly reminded by him that, you know, I did a good job. And no matter what, it's always me and him against the world. So I stopped to remember not to be too hard on myself or things I did as a 16-year-old. You know, and the guilt that you carry being so irresponsible at that time. But if I could go back and change anything, I would just be more present. You're doing the best you could with what you can. Exactly.

[00:27:57] We didn't know we didn't. Right. Absolutely. You had to walk that path to get to who you are today. Yes. You and Junior wouldn't be the success stories you are. And things have been different. I have a lot of friends who have young children right now. And they're like, I hope my relationship with my child is like yours. Like as a young adult, we see so many relationships where you're not close.

[00:28:26] I'm not that close with my parents. We talk ever so often, right? When I call them and we catch up and they love me dearly. But it's not like with my son. I would love to be a multi-generational household and help with my grandkids one day. And, you know, be able to lean on each other for support. Whereas my family is very, like, they're a team. You're on your own. You have your own life.

[00:28:55] And I want to go back to where you're not alone. You don't have to do this by yourself. Life is hard so many times. And I'm always here for you. So going on that. So you're, you know, you're raising junior at home. It's been a few years. You've been, you're carrying a lot of burdens. You're doing the housework. You're maintaining our service standard to what your mom wants. There's two little ones.

[00:29:22] What would, how would you describe the relationship and the, how you engage with your parents at this time? Because you're acknowledging they were working extra hours. How would you describe the emotional, the energy? I think that we really overstimulated my mom. I think it was just a lot in the household having the two little grandbabies and then

[00:29:50] the three kids and then, you know, my little brother going through high school. And because I'm saying your mom was the only bit oldies. Yeah. When this was old. When this was 62. Okay. So yeah. Yeah. And that's a lot to carry. These were always a little high stress. Right. And on the edge. So I moved out when I was 17. And my, you and junior moved out together.

[00:30:20] Okay. Yeah. And my dad was assigned to an apartment for me and it was in Maytown, Texas, a little two bedroom, two bathroom, $550 a month. I worked two jobs. So I was a secretary for a Marine company that worked out of the board of Houston. My entire family is in the shipping industry. So they are all union for the board of Houston.

[00:30:46] So my dad and brothers all work on the ships and have done that their entire lives. So it was natural for me to slip into a job that had to do with Steve Adoring in some way. It was a connection that my brother had. And I think I made like $12 an hour. So then when I turned 18, I got into like cocktail waitressing and realized there's so much money to be made doing that. So worked at like the little country bars and dive bars.

[00:31:15] And it was like, oh my God, I can make my whole paycheck in like two nights, which was incredible. That's how I put myself through college. Yeah. I know. I know when I did my first job teaching school, I was not making nearly as much money as I was before. Right. Right. But I, now I look back and I'm like, God, being 17 years old, managing paying rent or not paying rent, really learning money management then.

[00:31:45] I mean, I've had zero money management skills. I've done so many detrimental things to, like you go out one night and you spend any amount of money, the domino effect of that. And really learning that if I don't put a roof over me or my son's head, it doesn't really work for me. Like other people, I can't go crash on someone's couch. I absolutely don't want to go move back in with mom and dad, which happened. And then you just feel like a failure.

[00:32:15] But then I look back and I'm like, you have no skills. You're making like minimum wage. You were doing the very best you could. But sometimes it's just hard, Christina. And sometimes I expect that expenses do come up. Even when you're an adult, adult time in my life, maybe appreciate and absolutely mean a nest egg and say things that whole time. So you're 17 at this point. How old's junior? Are you going through all this? Four, three, three and a half. Three, 24. Oh, wow.

[00:32:44] Yeah, I know. And I look back and that is a wild thing. So, and, you know, doing some little long things, like packing flaming hot cheetos in his lunch for him. One of my funnest memories with him is picking him up from daycare. And it's, you know, his name is Brian. He's named Dr. His dad. Okay. But everyone always calls him a junior. Right. From the time he was like little bitty. And so I picked him up and he didn't mean to be a brat about something.

[00:33:13] And I was like, Brian, Sean. And they were like, same to not junior. So, yeah, it was just really adorable. And always being a really young mom at daycare was very interesting. So you're 17 and you're dressing him up for Halloween. And I'm dressing up for Halloween. And we're going to go to the hospital next door and go trick or treating. And I was a sexy pirate. I'm calling myself inappropriate for it. So here I am.

[00:33:42] And like fishnet stockings and a little pirate costume. And all the other moms are like witches and pumpkins and very peachy outfits. And I was like, oh, I do not fit in right now. And learning those as well. You know, tact and grace in every situation that you're in and kind of filling out the room. So I learned a lot from them. They were very like kind with me. He went to the same daycare for a couple years in a row. He was a little baby.

[00:34:13] But again, I have that opportunity too because of daycare assistance. So it was a program by the state where you only paid a portion of what the daycare actually was. And looking back at that program and say incredible, I couldn't imagine paying $400. Some moms pay like $400 a week right now for daycare. I think I was paying $60 a week.

[00:34:39] So that was really helpful on that tight budget that we were on. You had a lot of blessings early. Yes. You know, parents that were both working and helping you and the grandparents of being your dad. Yeah. Government assistance. You can get your dad signing to help you get your apartment. Yeah. Blessings in the beginning. Yeah. It's difficult. I'm not trying to minimize that. But at the same time, you do have a lot of blessings. Yeah. And in that moment, you don't realize that, right? Yeah. You're young and selfish.

[00:35:10] Yeah. That's the best way to describe myself. I think when you're younger is that you're just selfish. You do think about yourself a lot more than I think you do when you're older and humble. I'm so humbled by that. I think about what is this action that I'm doing going to do to affect everyone around me? And it was, I didn't have that same process at 17 years old. You were also being very teachable. Yes.

[00:35:37] You were receiving these lessons from the daycare workers and the people working there. And you were literally going to school to be a parent. Yeah. And absorbing those lessons, those serious kids. I grew up at the same time that he grew up. And now in our lives, any decisions that my son is making, if he makes one that doesn't happen to be the best one, he looks at me and he's like, well, I'm learning some valuable lessons in life right now.

[00:36:06] And I'm like, I'm not judging because he literally watched me learn all my valuable lessons. Like first hand POV. And he's like, oh yes, I did. Has he ever shared anything that stood out to him? Like watching you go talk about this for like maybe J.J. should come on the show. Yeah. I hope to tell his story. Right. And, you know, breaking generational curses is a huge thing for us.

[00:36:33] There are memories I have of my parents that I've iterated out loud and met with that didn't happen. And I think we just remember things differently as humans. There's your story, my story, and the truth. So I tell my son all the time, if there's something that you remember that I've done, let's talk about it. Because I am sure that in my raising you, being so young, there is trauma that I have caused.

[00:37:03] And I do not want that to fester. There's no reason for you to have a harder time as an adult. Or if your inner voice is mean to you, like our inner voice is our parents talking to us. It's like that inner child and how do they talk to you? And just trying to be like really positive, morally correct, and communicative.

[00:37:27] When we discuss any topic now, being open to what is he saying? How is he processing that memory? How did that make him feel? And I think sometimes just acknowledgement goes such a long way. I'm going to assume that was not what your parents did for you. Am I correct? No, I just don't think that's their generation almost. Yeah. It's not their fault. Yeah.

[00:37:54] I think that we communicate so much more now with social media, with people being able to reach out and say, oh, you went through that? It's just like this podcast. I went through that too. And being more open and organic. Where did you learn this? That's a skill set to be able to have that kind of communicative relationship with your son. Because it didn't happen the right way, right? So you're 17, you've moved out.

[00:38:21] I remember us talking for the next probably eight years, right? You do a lot of moving. Yeah. So my son went to 13 different elementary and middle schools. Whether I was moving from one little town to the other, I would pick up and go without a second thought. If this no longer served me, then I had no problem phasing into another phase.

[00:38:49] And now it's so funny because I want the structure and I want the long term and I want to be able to plant my garden and have that. But I was just like a breeze when I was younger. But my little one is a breeze with me. Right. No, that was so unfortunate for him. I think that it did give him the ability to really chameleon into any situation to pick up and make fast friends no matter where he goes.

[00:39:16] But also, I think that it affected his education, just not having that consecutive teaching experience as he was getting older. And then with me being uneducated as I was, I have no help when it comes to some of the math homework and other things that you're learning and doing. So it was not a stable time in either of our lives, my 20s that we're getting into now.

[00:39:44] So, and I also had a second son who passed away from SIDS during all of this time. So after that happened, there was a year where he went to go live with his dad because I felt like I couldn't be a parent or a human. And here goes to live with that. Yeah, that's one of his school moves was just experiencing a great tragedy and genuinely being

[00:40:09] plucked from his school that day and put into a new school with his dad in a new room and all of those things. And that is also, I still process if that was the right decision or not. You know, would it have been better for him to see me suffer in the way that I did? Or did I do good by putting him somewhere where he would have normalcy? But that's a decision.

[00:40:38] So Junior, did he go live with his dad, the fire to your son dying? No. Okay. Yeah. It was the night he passed away. He went to go live with his dad. And I went, we never went back to the townhouse where the tragedy happened. We went back for a day with family and friends to pack it all up and put it in storage.

[00:41:05] But I just couldn't exist there. So you're moving around with Junior a lot. And I know that this plays into your stories. You talked about your parenting style a little bit before. Yeah. What was your parenting style during May to year's when you were like? Do as I say, not as I do. Spare the rods, spoil the child.

[00:41:28] If you're acting out in any way, there is a disciplinary action for that afterwards. Getting written up at school. You got weapons when you got home. And my mom, funny, I find out I'm not older. I didn't have all of the information either. So this is part of parenting with a village also parenting. Yeah.

[00:41:53] A lot of notes or things that would come home warning what was going on at school were secretly signed by my mom and sent back. And they'd be like, okay, well, don't do it again. And he's like, let's take grandma. And whoa. So I was just very in the dark about some things. I think by the time it reached me, I did not understand why it was that critical mass point. You know, and I'm trying to be a good parent.

[00:42:21] And I think that disciplinary means speaking. We thought that was being a good parent. Right. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now there's gentle parenting. Right. That's what I kind of wanted to get into here because knowing what your relationship with junior is like now. Now we're gentle parenting. It really didn't start to spend. Because we know one another, but not everybody knows the situation. Yeah. They don't know how you got there. Right. And so once upon a time, that was not your parenting style. No. No. No.

[00:42:48] And I was loud and we yelled and we didn't talk through things. And, you know, as a child, I'm the adult. So you don't get emotions. You know, you stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. And that was how I was raised as well. So that's one of those generational curses. Yeah. We are breaking. Yeah. Even though there are times if we're at Walmart and there's someone throwing a fit somewhere, he's like, you would have taken me in the bathroom.

[00:43:19] I'd come out with an attitude adjustment. Adjustment. So we laugh and joke about it. But you've had some healing. Yeah. Yeah. Striking your child or being struck by your parent hurts. Yes. In more ways than just physical. You know, there's an emotional hurt. I think that's some of the trauma that I carry from being a child is hands not touching you

[00:43:46] in a way that is kind, mid-loving, you know, to use them as a tool for discipline. It just changes the emotion that you feel towards that person. So... And this goes on until juniors. I think like sixth grade. Yeah. When I was middle school. Yeah. Yeah. I want to say he was in like fifth or sixth grade when Robbie passed away. So he's born in 2001 and Robbie passed away in let's see 2013. So he had been around 12. Well, it's like shit.

[00:44:16] And you're dating. And you are pregnant again. Yes. Tell us about that. Yes. Okay. So I get pregnant with my youngest son, Robbie Van. And this is one of those inner thoughts that you don't really share with everyone, but I want to share with you guys. You know, when I lost him from since, that was so traumatic.

[00:44:39] One of the guilty things I felt inside was, why am I so upset about losing him? But I don't mourn my miscarriages or my abortion in the same way. And that was a huge thing for me because I was like, wow, Christina, you don't just have one little soul up there. You have a few. But why? Because this one was earthly for a few months because it hurts so much more. You know?

[00:45:09] So processing that guilt took me a long time. Thanks. So I was like, man, this is, I'm pregnant. I am 23, 24. And I really want to have this baby. I wanted to go for a game. Like I really wanted to have a little family. And I was like, I'm going to keep this baby and try to do everything the right way. And I've worked. I've been five or seven or eight months.

[00:45:40] And then I was like a day bartender and on my feet all the time and having breathing at this point. So I go to a doctor's appointment and I got the claims to him. So they were like, well, you're going immediately to the hospital. He was born October 25th, 2012. And he was just tiny. My older son was nine pounds. I have him all natural, no epidural, no anything. 14 years old. Just 12 hours of labor.

[00:46:09] And he hit the world running. I can't believe you wanted to have another one for that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and so this one was the complete opposite experience. Fall rest and labor for like three days. Preeclampsia. You know, the pitocin is fighting with all the other things that they're giving you. And a mask. And when I'm giving birth, I like pass out during. It was just the worst experience. Right.

[00:46:37] And I was so swollen and just miserable. But he comes into this world and he's just this tiny little skinny six pound dumpling. And it didn't take me long to fatten him up. So yeah, I got to stay home with him for three weeks before I went back to work. And then they just kind of rotated out on shifts. So were you living then with his dad? So do you, you, dad, all living together? Yes. For you. Yes.

[00:47:06] I just switched jobs. I was working at a bar. It was like a 20-minute drive. But they had a really good night crowd. The night that Robbie passed away, the bar phone was ringing. There's like a country band playing. It's loud. You answer the phone. And it's your significant other screaming into the phone. And you're like, I can't hear you. What are you trying to say? And he's like, our baby is dead. We need to come home. And I just didn't understand. By this time, he's frustrated. I can't hear him.

[00:47:35] He's frantic. The police are on their way there. So I left everything and ran out of the work shift. And I drove probably 110 miles an hour home. Sure. And then he pulled into the parking lot. And it's just fire trucks and ambulances. And your son is in a cop car with his friend who was having sleepover. And he realized it's all real. Yeah. And I just started throwing up.

[00:48:04] So that was my involuntary reaction to that. And you just, it's not natural to go through that. And I also carry guilt because I was so tired. That time of my life. You know, just exhausted and going back to work far too soon. And there was a night, a couple nights for that. And he had been sick. My son had come home from his dad's. And literally, he's like, sees me.

[00:48:34] And I'm dying and miserable. And the baby's miserable. And he's like, give me that baby. Yeah. You know, he was just so good with him. But I had come home from work. And I, he was crying. And I was exhausted. And I sat next to his crib. And I cried. And I was like, God, please take this away from me. And I was like, well, I asked for it. And now I don't have it anymore. And we don't. I just didn't know how to process all of that.

[00:49:03] I listened to Gary Adelan's Every Storm Runs Out of Rain song on repeat for three days. And I just couldn't stop the tears from coming out of my face. Like, it's shuddering and exhausting. So that night, when they, they kept everyone in police cars for a few hours. And then they were like, we'll continue the investigation. But it doesn't look like foul play right now.

[00:49:31] And they took his body and they would let me see him again. And I think that was one of the hardest things for me. It was that I never got that closure, you know. But my younger brother had showed up. And he took my son to his dad's house. And his dad, of course, is like, Christina, how can I help? And I was like, I don't think I'm going to be a mom right now. I need you to take you. And he made decisions.

[00:50:01] And then to, like, pull him out of school, put him in school, and put a room together at the place he was at. It was very, very last minute. And that's when I moved to Haiti. So that entire experience brought me to this area of town where I started to work at Baker Street. Met a lot of my friends and colleagues here. I also went right back to work immediately after it happened. And people said I should wait a few weeks.

[00:50:31] But I was like, for what? What am I waiting for? I'm just a Friday mess here. So I was able to put on a dead face, go and work all day, and then go sit in my car and drive the whole way home. And I would go and see Junior on Wednesdays for lunch at school, pick him up on the weekends. And we would go and do fun things.

[00:50:55] But I didn't realize the entire time he was also carrying a lot of burdens himself. So, you know, you're picking him up and you're trying to have talks with him about, like, what are your feelings? And what are you going through? And, of course, there's, like, a billion things in my mind. And he was being very stoic at that time. And I didn't realize it. You know, I thought he wasn't communicating with me.

[00:51:21] But really, he was keeping a secret for me about his experience during that whole experience. I had been told from that night going on that he woke up in bed, something had happened, and he went into the car, and then he was, like, in there with his friend. And I had never over asked for details because I didn't want to know. So I'm like, okay, that's what the story is.

[00:51:50] But come to find out years later, he woke up to my significant other at the time screaming. Came out of his room, saw that my son was purple and blue, his little brother, and tried to give him CPR until the ambulance came. And I just can't imagine how scared he would have been at that moment, you know, and then processing that.

[00:52:18] And then your mom sends you off with your dad. His dad's military and, you know, don't really talk about emotions. And, you know, he loves him so much. But it's not that, like, oh, I love you so much. Like, come here, let me hold you and cuddle you. I do wish that I would have the full story just so that I could properly navigate that afterwards and make decisions that were informed decisions. Like therapy would have been great after that, you know?

[00:52:45] Were you aware of resources and tools like that at the time? Yeah, yeah. So I actually did something that I think really helped me to continue moving on and stop wallowing in all of the pain that I felt. And instead use that for mentoring other humans and finding strength inside myself and starting to soften my heart.

[00:53:10] Doing a lot of healing of my own compassionate friends is a grief group. And I found them fairly early on. And so I would go, they meet, like, one Tuesday a month. And my first meeting with them, I went and I sat down. And everyone is introducing themselves. And you get to, hi, I'm Christina Griffin. This is my son, Robbie Van.

[00:53:37] He was four months old when we lost him to SIDS. And you get to say their name and you get to acknowledge it. There were women in that group that six years after the death of their children couldn't walk to their mailboxes yet. And were so overcome by their grief that it affected their day-to-day life. They consumed them. Yeah. And I didn't want to be like that.

[00:54:01] So if anything, it showed me if I didn't find a strength, what my future was going to be like and what I didn't want it to look like. So it at least gave me something to, like, strive for. Right. To be able to be an active member of society still, even though I'm hurting and grieving. Because I think that's one thing that we all experience together. We're all so different. Every single person in this room has experienced grief in some way.

[00:54:29] We've all loved someone that we love. It's the grace in which we handle situations that really defines our character as who we are. And I think that was a lesson that I really started to learn in that moment. Let me ask you, how did you come across National Friends? Sounds like a God's friend. Yeah. It's a national chapter. And there's one here in Katy.

[00:54:53] And through grief and everyone reaching out to me, it was a suggested group in the area by someone that I knew. And so I made the decision to go. And though I didn't, I'm still signing up for the emails. And though I don't go every month now. Sure. There are times that my grief still overcomes me. It's been 12 years. And I'll think that I'm over it, right? You never get over it.

[00:55:21] And like his birthday this last Friday was just really solemn and melancholy for me. There is a day every year that is the National Bereaved Children's Day. And they do something where you can bring a photo of your child and light a candle, say their names on the microphone. And it's heartbreaking. That's right. But that heartbreak humbles me. So I still participate in those things.

[00:55:50] And we still do a little birthday cake for him. And then on his anniversary of his death, my son and I always do something special. So we had him from October through February. February 2nd is when he passed away. His death certificate says February 3rd, but we know it was the 2nd. So this giant life-altering sadness and grief, I think you and I talked about, this is what propels you forward. Yes.

[00:56:19] So you're going to start making some serious changes moving forward. Yes. In that group. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that I have done such a wonderful job. And I look at myself all the time and I say, I am so proud of you, Christina. Because I moved up here and I genuinely wake up every morning so grateful for what I have there. So much. I don't feel as if I deserve anything in the world.

[00:56:49] I am not entitled to anything in the world. Whatever it decides to give me, I'm so grateful for it. I'm doing the very best that I can with it. I just work hard every day. And if it exudes that positivity, the positive things will come back to me. Okay. And one of the things that you said was this situation softened your heart.

[00:57:14] And it opened your heart to a place where you can now start to make changes. Yes. I think that's a beautiful way to say it. Yes. And you can take those life-altering moments and really go both ways. There is always the path of darkness that you can take and get sucked into. And it's a succubus. It's all-encompassing. But there's also a path of life, which can be harder sometimes.

[00:57:41] There's a lot of hard work involved and a lot of introspection. And looking at yourself and being like, was I morally correct in that situation? Did I say or do the right things? And being really honest with yourself. I think that being able to show your vulnerability to other humans is a rarity. It's beautiful. Yeah. A lot of people aren't willing to be vulnerable. They want people to see what they think a person wants to see. But really, people are craving authenticity.

[00:58:11] Safe spaces. Yeah. I'm so glad you found that. Yes. I found my safe space. Thanks for joining us on the Monomyth Diaries. If this episode resonates with you or someone you know, we'd love for you to share it and spread the inspiration. Don't forget to follow us wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube to stay connected. We'd appreciate if you could take a moment and rate and review the podcast. It helps us reach more people with stories of transformation and growth.

[00:58:36] You can visit us at monomythdiaries.com or text us directly from the show notes to reach out and keep the conversations going. Until next time, heroes, let's journey together through our monomyths.