Ep 45 - Keeley: It takes G.R.I.T. Breaking Generational Curses (part 2 of 2)

There's no one point that I can really point to and tell both of you guys this is what started it. Is it the alcohol that I had? Is it the abuse that I had? Is it the abuse that I caused? Is it the alcohol that I did? Is it the pills that I did? Is it the times that I laid in bed and had the 9 mm inside my head? Is it any of that? We don't know. What I can tell you is the day that actually stopped. All of those things. And and to go full circle when we started the conversation, I wouldn't change a thing. I would love to have that opportunity to say bye to my mom. I would love to have the opportunity to look at my dad for the last time and tell him I love him. You know, at the end of the day, I wouldn't change a thing because it's put me where I need to be today. Whether it's at 45 or 86, it doesn't matter as long as the journey starts. Hi everyone and welcome to the Monmouth Diaries, the podcast where ordinary people get to share their hero's journey. I'm Mandy. And I'm Rachel and we'll be your host. We'll discover powerful insights, critical moments of growth, and much more. Thanks for joining us. We all have a monometh to share and someone out there needs to hear it. Haley, welcome to the show. We're so grateful for your yes. On our last episode, we had just left off with your big turning point where Sarah tells you that she's not going to put up with the shenanigans anymore. Obviously, today you're sober, you're running a business, you take a lot of accountability, you do a lot of inner work, but you didn't start there. Let's go back to that night after your 5-hour conversation with Tara where she says, "This is it. I'm not I'm not doing this anymore." What does life look like moving forward? Well, it had to change. It had to be something different. It had to be But it had to be legitimate change, right? So, it had to be that rock bottom that we talked about last week. It couldn't have been the hovering anymore. It had to be something different because if you're going to keep somebody that special, you have to be different. You can't not grow. In fact, that night she had said something or actually a few days later she had said, "Look, I'm going to grow and I'm going to grow with or without you. I really want you to come with me. But if you don't, I have no problem with that. Not this is not for everybody. Not everybody can do this." And she saw something in me, which I think a lot of people in my past have. um they saw a drive and a different personality because I could do it in the gym. I could do it with sports. I could do it with with any kind of physical training, any kind of physical movement. And when I wanted something, I would usually try and go after it or give it my all. So, I think she saw something in me. She saw a good husband and a good person. And so, she just wanted to get down to it and the roots of it and figure out why we were going down this path. And she always had this calling of of helping people. But I also think that was a downfall for her, too. And what I mean by that is that sometimes she would try and help so many other people that she would never really try and take care of herself. And so she really needed that work and that balance, but I also needed that support and that system of, hey, you know what? I'm going to let you do this on your own. I'm going to help you and guide you, but I'm not going to baby you and do what I've been doing for seven years. But I think for me mentally, it started that night. And I don't know, I have no idea why, but there was a part within like the last two hours of the conversation or hour of the conversation, she's just hammering. I mean, it at this point, gloves are off. It's I had nothing to stand on. It was just give me all seven years of psychological hell that you've been wanting to release on me and let's get it. Let's just do it. She started in and rightfully so. And I remember pacing back and forth. We had a back patio that had like a covering, but it was a wood deck. And I was walking on the deck. And for some reason, I just kept clicking in my head. This goes back to what we talked about last week about visization, uh, manifestation. You know, the power of the mind. And I think a lot of people do not understand how strong and powerful your mind is. To me, with with the business that you mentioned just a minute ago, that is the catalyst of everything we do in our company. The mind to me is the most your body and your mind is the most powerful thing that's ever been built. And that night, I remember pacing back and forth telling myself, "I'm going to be a good husband. I'm going to be a good father. I'm going to get sober. I'm going to be a good husband. I'm going to be a good father. I'm going to get sober." And I think that went on for like an hour of just me pacing. At that point, I had, as much as she's going to hate to hear this part, I think I had actually just psychologically tuned her out and let her go and let her say what she had to say because I was in my own zen, in my own spot. And it just it just for some reason it clicked that night. The next day, I remember she was at work. She did not say anything to me. I remember waking up, she was working and I just walked outside. I've never done this either ever. Like it never even crossed my mind. I hadn't even started diving into the things that I know now. You said the callous and the starting of it. I just walked out and I remember Terara telling me about me's book Green Lights. Green Light. Good book. And I love his voice. So I could care less what the book said, right? It was like great voice. It wasn't even the book. Like at that point in time in my life where I was at, I was like, I could give two about the book. I just want to hear Matt McConny's course. Yeah. So I I got it on Audible and I just for some reason walked out into the sun barefoot, no shirt, got in the grass, laid down, turned the book on, hit start and just laid down. And I started actually like listening to the book and started picking up on some things. And so there's my introduction to sunlight and the power of the sun. See, you know, the serotonin that it releases, the the relaxation that it brings into you, the zen that it brings in. I just kind of went into overdrive where these natural things that we actually have in our body just went into play. I have no idea why. So, month one went by and I'm sitting there going, I was going to ask, what was that like? Month one was a gut check. She was barely talking to me. We'd sleep in the same bed. We'd try and do things together, right? But I was trying not to love bomb. But like, how do you how do you show love? How do you show that you're trying to be somebody new without actually potentially love bombing when that's when all you've done and all you know? Right. When you don't have any other skills. Exactly. I didn't have any other skills. So, she just kind of had to suck it up and say, "Okay, well, we're going to find out in a month if this is love mommy or not." But the conversations were were deep. The conversations were no kudos, right? I didn't deserve any of those. So, like to the point of when I got to month one, so October 21st, I'm like waiting to see like what you think. You know what today is? She's like, yeah, I remember she tapped me on my leg and goes one month. Good job. Mhm. I walked away cuz I at that point because you're still you're approval seeking now% 100%. And then it's a psychological test, too. It's like, okay, well, you're abandoning me in my time of celebration. Mhm. So, here comes all those fear, all that pain. And then then now here's, you know, here's Mr. Jameson over there going, "Hey, man, I can fix all this." Mhm. I do. And and me still knowing that the pills are back behind the counter. You know, one or two of those will make me relax and just not even really give a damn. Pistols on the side of the bed. Done that a few times. Put it to the side. Let's just take care of business. Let's just do what we got to do. I mean, that popped up several times for the first two years. I've actually put it to my head. I've actually thought of one plan out. I got all the way to the front door with it. Dar didn't even know. It was in the middle of the night. Those things started creeping in bad on month one. Month two was was still not any really better. Rightfully so. Didn't deserve it. November 21st, I'm like, she's like, "Hey, month two, awesome job. Congratulations." And then November 21st, I happened to be driving down the road and I was listening to a podcast. I do not remember what podcast it was. I have no idea which one it was, but I do know that Andy Facella was on it. He's somebody that has completely changed his entire life from 19 years old. He's a very positive outspeaking American. He's a multi-billion dollar businessman. He turned a supplement company. Slept uh slept in the back of his supplement store for the first five years that it was open because he couldn't afford an apartment. First 10 years they were open, they made $56,000 total. And that's why he was living in the store. They did everything he could and then he turned it into a multi-billion dollar company. But he's also built a culture. he's built, you know, mindset plan. And so I was listening to this podcast and he brings up this thing called 75 hard. Had no idea what it was. And I'm sitting here going, "Okay, I'm going to get my two-month kudos." And so I listened to the whole hour and 45 minute podcast. Terry gets in the truck and I said, "Hey, we should try this." She was like, "Okay, well, we can start after Thanksgiving." I said, "No, you heard what he said. We got to start now cuz after Thanksgiving, the excuse will be Christmas." And then then it'll be New Year's and then it'll be whatever. I said, "We got to start." Now, what we didn't realize is that it's a mental challenge and it's a physical challenge. So, you've got to do two workouts. One of them has to be outside. Both of them have to be 45 minutes long. You have to read 10 pages of a non-fictional book. You have to drink a gallon of water. You have to do a progress picture every single day. Uh, and the last one is um crap, I always forget them, too. I can't remember what the last one is. Oh my gosh, it's going to kill me. But anyway, so what we what we made it a point to do was, okay, we'll do one of the 45minute workouts outside together. We will walk or do something together. And we started that night. You talk about the most awkward and I want to drop an Fbomb right now. Walk my entire life. Awkward walk. We didn't talk about Jack. I don't even know if words were said between that and then Sean Whan's book, How to Make [ __ ] Happen. That changed everything for me. And so night two walk, how was your day? It's good. How was yours? It's good. So this started for a while, but then the conversation started opening up. And then two weeks after that's when we started implementing date night regardless. Thursday night's date night. We don't care. You talk about another awkward situation. Like we we just walked for almost three weeks together every single night with very little conversation. Well, now we got to go sit across from a table and we're making a promise not to pick up cell phones and we're going to talk about something. It was dead silent. It was it was it was they were awkward. And then psychologically, she wasn't giving any credit, rightfully so. She didn't need to. She didn't need to validate me. She wanted to see if I was going to put the work in. Then meditation started coming into play. So now we're doing 75 hard. We're going on date nights every single week. Um I'm starting to read like legitimate good books. No beach reading. That's what I call it. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Um, we were we were I was reading legitimate books and uh and then month four or five was was the explosion which is what she needed. I want the audience and I want you two to understand that I'm glad that she did this. She will probably if you ever ask her again, she will probably say she was ashamed. But to be honest with you, as a woman, she needed it. So for eight years now, when her and I would try and fight, we would go to our sacred place. And our sacred place was our closet. Because at that point, other than that one night before I got sober, remember when I told you I exploded and stuff? Yeah. Every other fight had been in a closed door in our closet because the clothes can take the sound away and all this stuff. So, it had become our natural fight spot. That night was different. She was about to pack her bag. In fact, I remember her throwing her underwear everywhere in the bedroom and she was going to pack up and I was like, "We got to go to the closet. So, she goes to the closet, I go to the closet, we shut the door, and she just starts yelling and just just starting just balling. And I'm sitting there just waiting for it cuz I knew I knew what was coming. And I and I knew from my heart of hearts. I was like, "She's going to do it. If she's ever going to do it, it's going to be right now. I know. I could feel it." So, I was letting her have this moment. And it was a time of vulnerability for me to let her have this and give her this opportunity. Don't wish she would have handled a little bit differently. I do. But if that's what she needed to do, that's what she needed to do. And let me just tell you, this chick can fight. She can throw some hands because I felt every one of them. Yeah. You know, I'm just glad she respected and turned her ring around. Um, but I I just let her go. Yeah. And I didn't I I stopped counting after a few, but I I let her just do it in any possible way. She had to let some of that anger out cuz this has been building for seven years. And then now now she's starting to see change. Now she's starting to see real connection. She's starting to see that I am sober and that I am trying to make changes. So now she's sitting there going, "Why the did you take so long to do this?" Yes. You wasted seven years of our life and it all came out and I just I just let her go and then when she was done she took a deep breath and I put my arms around her. We just sat there and hooked for like 10 minutes. We didn't say a word, but it was the first time since I got sober. I felt just the melt. Yeah. And then 3 days later, I remember we were sitting on the patio and she asked me, she goes, "Why did you not do anything back?" So, you remember on the last podcast when we talked last week, I said, "I do not hate or upset at anything on how my parents raised me because it was supposed to happen. It was supposed to be that way. I'm supposed to be who I am today because of everything I experienced." I told her that day, three days after that big explosion, I said because I knew how to handle the situation because I had already been in it before and I knew just to let you have it. I did what I knew what I had to do and just stand there and take it. Yeah. And then that was a light switch for our entire marriage right after there. That right there is where it clicked. Yeah. That's when date nights actually became date nights. That's when everything took a whole different turn was she was able to let go of that expression and be able to let not just the first seven years of our marriage but the last 20 years of her life out the abandonment things that she's probably talked about on hers and some of the things in her previous marriage too and and then the the marriage with me and then just everything else was able to come out that night and I don't know if it was a secure reason like she felt secure enough to do that and I don't recommend people to do that. I resonate with the but I knew that I was prepared enough to handle it. Yeah. And I and God prepared you for that. It's funny how you just have those feelings that it's either going to go really bad or it's going to go really good and you have the single opportunity just exactly what Eddie says. As Eddie Panero says, you are one decision away from changing your entire life. And that night, I chose to change it. And everything changed after that. Everything. Breaking that generational curse. Yes, I did. Cuz I did what I knew I needed to do. And I could handle it. I knew I could handle it. This is what my entire childhood led up for was this right here. This moment and I I took it. So, don't get me wrong, it hurt. It didn't hurt. It was painful. I just can't imagine. Oh, she's scrappy, dude. Tinker Bell. Oh, no. You got to remember her past, too. Her grandfather taught her how to throw a punch. Oh, she did talk about that on a on a on an old old uh one of those old old school hurt punching bags with no gloves on. She told that story. I forgot about that. And I felt every one of them, you know, now we talk about it. She goes, "Yeah, I can't believe I did that." I'm like, I could. I totally could. It's the greatest decision I ever made in my life. Just to stand there. She deserved that. Oh, man. I Oh, I just stood I'm just Yeah. Good job you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm surprised she didn't talk about that. So, she did not. Yeah. I let the cat out. She's going to ask me a date when I go home. Well, she's going to have to feel bad, but I've been through the same thing. I I resonated so that's why you can see me over here crying because I resonated with that exact situation between me and my husband. The same exact thing happened and it was 11 years of just like you know the same thing happened between us two and it changed everything between our relationship with the Lord and that that one physical moment. The the conversations changed the flirtiness changed. It was almost like you just had to get that out. But man, what a ride it was after that. That very next day, it was one of the the only days that she actually rolled over, put her arms around, and woke up. And so it was like, "Okay, she's like, "We can officially move on." Yeah. That shift has happened. Okay, here's six months. That's what we're doing. And then that's that's, you know, that's when I got the six-mon chip. She bought me a six month chip and then she was Yeah. She's like, "Let's go get breakfast. Let's go celebrate." And that's just when things just kind of started to change. So to your point, the the accreditation be the the books that I started reading at that at the beginning point, that turning point, obviously Matthew McConna's voice and and 75 hard because for us to do something together and accomplish the same goal and hold each other accountable. It was something that we were going to do together to hold each other accountable. 75 hard is we've never done it. We've done the dirty 30. 30 was hard enough, but Webb and I did it together and I really enjoyed it. Yeah. And then when you start reading books together, like we had this time slot where when we first got into bed, okay, we're going to crack open. We're going to read our 10 to 15 pages. So, she's passing information on to me and I'm passing information on her. There was that connection build. Then date nights for us, like I said, those are non-negotiable. Now, they started after I don't want to call it the beatdown, but let's just call it the beat down. Beat down. After the beatd down, it was like, okay, now let's be legitimate. And then it got to the point where the kids are like, "Ah, it's Thursday. Leave us some money for pizza." That's a good example to set for your kids, too. Relationships take work. You got to put in work. It's the toughest job I've ever had in my life. Yep. Right. Yeah. Next to getting, you know, getting sober was hard. So, getting sober was really hard. I had my moments. In fact, I've recently had one, too. It was, it was quite funny. I didn't tell the kids about it until about two or even Terra about until two months ago. And she was like, "Why don't you tell me?" Because I didn't want you react like this. What? You have to tell us now. Uh, I had to travel for for for work and and I was in Miami airport. I'm very regiment. I don't know if Terry told you that, but I have a very routine. Like, if you throw me off my routine, I'm screwed. You gota You got to keep me on my regimen. I have to eat at the same places at the same time because I know what time my airlines landing. I know how far my gate is. I know where it's at. I know what restaurants are. And it's just clockwork. And I got thrown off a little bit because I had a little bit of delay in Houston. And then so now my clock's thrown off and now I'm sitting there going, "Gosh, I'm not going to be where I need to be until later." So, I'm sitting in Miami airport and I go to the TGI Fridays that I always I've been to the last three times and they've got seating over to the right, but then they've got seating on the left and it's it's two two toppers running down the bar and then they got the bar seats and I'm walking in and it's the height because my airplane was late, my flight was late and it's just packed and there's one seat Oh, at the bar at the bar and I sit down at the bar and this is a great example of you never know when God's going to show up. And I remember and and it's it's very very easy for me to pick out that bottle. Pick out that Jameson bottle. Not because it's green just because I know the shape of it. Yeah. I can It's just eyes go right straight to it. Straight to it. Yep. And I'm just staring at it. And the bartender walks up and he's like, "You've been here before, right?" I said, "Yeah." He goes, "You've been here quite a bit lot lately." I said, "Yes." I think it's about my fifth time. And he goes, "You good?" I was like, "Yeah." and he sees me put my head down and and what went through my head was, "Dude, I could so get one right now. There's nobody that even knows me here and nobody would even know. Just one." Literally popped in my head. Oh, the devil's whispering in your ear. Bartender walks back and he goes, "Hey man, I see you've been staring at that pretty hard, right?" He didn't ask me if I wanted one. He said, "If you're struggling that bad, I know what you are cuz I've been down that road before and I can move you if you'd like or I can sit here and talk." Oh, bless that man. So, right. We talked and uh he was like, "When's your next next time you're coming back in?" I said, "I pulled my phone out. I said, "I'll be coming back on this Sunday here two weeks from now." He goes, "Same flight." I said, "Yeah." He goes, "What's your flight?" I said, "The one coming out of IH." He said, "Okay, cool. Have a seat." And I was like, "This dude's gonna totally forget." Two weeks later, like clockwork, I come back. Mr. B, I got to see the table's right over there. Oh, what an amazing human. So, it's really cool. And then November of 20 three, I think it was. This is before the airport thing. There was a a big massive blow up within the family. And I went to Bies and I remember standing in front of the beer looking at at the Yin Lang and the the Michelob and all that stuff. Oh, you're in front of the beer cooler. Oh, yeah. And I stood there for 10 minutes. You got to remember we had a big massive just just massive bomb just dropped on the family. And this lady, I have no idea who she was. She leans her head over. The only thing I remember is that she had black hair and she had like dark complexed skin. And she leans over. She goes, "You got to look that long. You don't need it." and turn around. I walked away and I turned around and looked and I could not see her. I walked the entire Bies and I could not find her and I bought a can of dip and I walked out. Oh, little angels. Yeah, it was moment. I literally got on the phone with Sarah and I was balling in the truck and I was like, you'll never guess what just happened. And so now we have those conversations. Does it ever cross your mind? Are you okay? Are you good? And I'll tell her like, you know, hey, I'm a little uncomfortable because I can smell it. like Jack Daniels, all that. Like those whisies don't get me, but I can always smell when somebody cracks a Jameson. It's just instinctual and it does that starts bothering me. That starts kind of getting to me, especially when it's over the top. So, we'll leave. You can't avoid it. And I think it's beautiful that we probably haven't mentioned this that you are sober, but your wife became sober with you. She's your sober companion. She didn't have to be. She doesn't have to be. That's right. She doesn't have a problem with it, but she wants to support you. And I think that's beautiful. I I recommend sobriety to anybody. In fact, I wish there were more people that did. But I just know that's not how the world works. You know, being sober and going to those situations, you have to control it. And so, one of the things that I do is trick my mind. I play tricks with my mind. So, when I'm in that specific situation, I will go to the bar and I will say, "Hey, I need a tonic of water with lemon, no straw, and that glass. Don't don't give me the plastic one that you would put a Coca-Cola in. I need that one. makes you feel a little down. It makes me feel it. Yeah. And it's that that gives me that sense of and it really sucks that I actually have to do this in that kind of environment, but it gives me that acceptance ability like No, I understand. And so it's just very easy. Yeah, it makes total sense. Yeah. You know, I just was never that guy that could have a beer and milk it for four hours. It was I was that guy of like, "Hey, man. Let's let's let's go to work. Let's do some damage." Right. Knowing that I'll do damage later in in the closed door with my wife and just watch beat her up. My husband does the same thing. He takes down alcoholic beers with him so that he can feel that social acceptance. Yeah, I do it all. Not that he's an alcoholic, but he just doesn't enjoy drinking a lot. No, but he's got to get up and put his kid on the next day and go ride his bike. So, he's got to do his kid. We are We are very We are very um anti-drinking and driving. So, that is very very much a something that keeps us from drinking out socially. We very much fear that. Well, I had a friend of mine I went to high school with. He was hit by a drunk driver at 24 years old. He's buried right down the street next to my parents. That's frightening. That's I wish more people would not ask. I almost killed a guy being drunk driving. Police officer, right? Correctional officer. Correctional officer. Huntsville, Texas. Yeah, that was a fun night. And you know what the the weird part about it is the the trooper that actually showed up because I called the police. I called the ambulance. I had a cloth on the back of the the correctional officer's neck. Like I sobered up really quickly. Although I didn't I still blew a.16. So that's how bad and I drove from Plano, Texas. So that tells you how bad I was when I left Plano that I still blew a.16. Oh, you're still Yeah. So I had a piece of cloth on the back of his neck and and the trooper pulls up and he goes, "Dude, you're Key Bell, aren't you?" I said, "Yeah." He goes, "I saw you play six months ago at Texas Hall of Fame open for Pat Green." I was like, "Yeah, that's me. And he goes, "You want to do a field sobriety test?" And of course, me being the driver, I was like, "Sure, let's go ahead. Let's do it." Yeah. Oh. Is that the time that you ended up in I know in the last episode you said you spent some time in jail. That was one of them. Yeah, that was one of them. I actually Yeah, I spent six months. So, but that wasn't your wake up call. Mhm. Or the other four times that I was in jail? No. You know, our pastor was on the show in the first season. I don't know if you listened to his episode, but he had many of those experiences where he ended up in jail and never hit his bottom. I commend the ones that that can go there and still psychologically get out and be better. Yeah. Learn their lesson the first time. Mhm. It rarely ever happens like that. I you know, to be honest with you, for years I thought it was a badge of honor. You know, hey, yeah, I've been locked up. That's that's scary. So, soiety is a tool in your toolbox. 75 hard reading podcasts. Yep. Listening to podcast now being on podcasts. Yeah. Being open and honest about it and just, you know, really accepting who I actually am. I don't we might see different on this point of view. That's okay. All right. I don't consider myself a recovering alcoholic. And some sometimes when I've mentioned this to others that are going down the road or joining the fight or in the fight with me, I don't see us as recovering alcoholics. I think I think we have recovered. We are continuing to to to fight down that road to better ourselves. I think society likes to put a label on it. And I don't really like recovering kind of really gets to me because at what point are you done recovering? Yeah, in AA you're never done, right? But I went to AA several times and it didn't work for me. Yeah. For me personally, you and I have had this discussion. I had to do it on my own. I had to seek out other options. I had to seek out therapy. I had to seek out books. I had to really dive in on who I am to get to that deep, dark synergy. And so, I think a lot comes out from A. I think it's a great program. It just didn't fit me. It didn't work for me because I don't think I'm in recovery anymore. I've beaten it. I'm a champion. Yeah, that's just the way I roll. Now to that extent, Terra's not asked me in lately, you know, within the last year, but she has in the past. She will see a situation, she will be around that guy somewhere, you know, and she will witness something or see something and go, "Please promise me you'll never do that again." And I'm like, "I can't." And I told I've been very honest with her. said, "Look, I can promise you the entire world. I will make promises to you up and down every day of the week, but for you to ask me to promise you that I will never drink again, I cannot do it." That's exactly what Paul said in his episode. Yeah. I didn't do it last week. I didn't do it yesterday. I have not done it today, and I'm going to do everything I can not do it tomorrow. But I am not going to break that promise because it goes back to that whole situation of it's not if an alcoholic can do it, it's when. Yeah. And I hate that too because we're all champions in our own world. But that's also a demon that we unless we really dive into and dive deep, we're never really going to conquer it. And I feel like I'm a champion where I'm at at this point. I mean, even the Patriots lose. The Steelers lose. Right. Right. Does that mean that they have not won six Super Bowls? Are they not champions? They are champions. They were champions during that era. They had a jack up and mess up. We are people. We have situations where we get knocked off the top of a mountain. So, I don't like the word recovery for me personally. It it kind of stings me. In fact, it actually is a driver because I'm not I am a champion and I am here right now. This is where I'm at in my life. And we try and fight those every single day with those tools, with the books. me personally with my books, with my workouts, with my walking with Terra, my food, my just every little single nuance thing that I can do regimentally style, journaling, meditation, all of that. It all plays a key part for me as a person and for me to continue to stay down the road I'm at and not revert to who I used to be, which I do time to time. Like I love bomb terra a couple weeks ago. I know that. I know that. But it's a work in progress. We're relearning and we're constantly changing and she's changing and I'm changing and but you're growing together. I know you said at one point you either grow together. You either grow together. Oh, is that what she said? She said you're I'm growing and you're either coming with me or you're not. Yeah. And yes, that's become kind of a staple of her thing. Kind of like the whole working out thing. I I push her hard. That's not the vain side of me anymore. It's the I mean, that's part of it. Don't get me wrong. I want to look good my entire life. I want her to as well. But the backstory to that is when I'm 85 years old, I want both of us to be in the front yard, not just one of us. Cuz it will mentally break me if if I cannot do that. It's not about being the biggest guy in the room or the the most fit guy in the room. It's quality of life. Yeah. Quality of life. All right. So, you have tons of tools in your toolbox today. Let's talk about the boons. So, the boons are the gifts and the benefits that have come to you, your wife, family, friends, the world in general from all of your hard work. Let's talk about those. So,

you know, first and foremost, I think my relationship with with God has gotten better. Um, it's healed because there was a long time where I struggled with it. And, uh, I think it's it's gotten a lot better. I'm more spiritual now, right? I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe in God. I believe in all of that. I believe that energies are are existent. I believe all of that. And that was the first psychological change that had to happen. Like I had to I had to go back and and find that stable. Like it says God, spouse, kids. There's nothing else out there. Right on. There's just nothing like it. It bothers me when when people are like, "Well, I've got to take care of this person. I got to do this person. I've got to do this. I got to No, you don't. It doesn't say that. It's God's spouse kids." Done. There is nothing else underneath it. Once I take your daughter, she's mine. And we continue from there. We have to do our hardships and stuff like that. and and whatever that hardship is, I like what Terry and I went through, it's got to go through it. So, I think that's that's the number one thing is is having that faith again and having that spiritual side of it again. Knowing that I'm still here for a reason because I had multiple opportunities not to. I just never did. Thank Thank God, right? I never did. It got close. And then the the marriage thing, like we literally could live in a cardboard box. I don't want to. That's funny. I really don't want to. Make sure you steward your money well. So, I don't want to, but we we could like we are at that spot in our marriage. We still have our ups and downs. We still have our arguments. But the arguments that we used to have were days long. We're talking three or four of not talking, not touching, not doing anything. And it was just brutal. And it was just a psychological mess between the two of us. to whereas now a boon would be the fact that if we get into an argument in the last 20 minutes because we will we will probably raise our voices kind of get after it a little bit be a little feisty and we've actually started something new when we start yelling at each other we will put noses together yeah it is you go being more intentional about you start laughing right and then it's like okay back away okay so if I'm hearing you correctly you are feeling feeling this. If you're hearing me correctly, I'm feeling this. Okay, well, let's fix it. And so, the communication has got a lot better. So, our marriage has just completely flourished because of it. But I also don't want to paint that picture of remember I told you that facade over here. There are still rough times in the household. It's just so nice now to know that that abandonment, we have completely taken that off the table. Not having that fear of abandonment is huge. Oh, it's massive. I know that I personally still work on that and not just with my spouse, with people in general. That was one of the hardest things for me. Yeah, man. That's because I had I used to have I used to have quantity. I used to care quantity over quality. I didn't care what you were care what kind of a person you were. I cared that I could tell people, man, I got like a thousand friends that would come to my birthday party. When in all reality, the little boy just wanted the five that cared. You got your band of brothers. Yeah. You got your band, right? And I have a band of five. and and those five will go to hell and back for me. Those are the five that I know that if something were to happen to me, they would be, "Hey, Tara, what do you and the kids need?" Yeah. How can we help? Yes, I'm I am on my way to the airport. I will be there in two hours. I've got another one that's up the road. I will be there in 22 minutes. That's where I'm at. And I got five of them. And man, that's I couldn't ask for more than that. We've talked about that just recently is friendships and stuff. It's powerful. Quality quality good healthy friendships. The the statement is true and it's it's funny because when we were going through this journey and I know you you said boons and wins but this is a win right is you start looking at your circle especially for me as being sober. When you get to that point you look at your friends and you're like are you real? Are you true or are you just my drinking buddy? And that sucks. That hurts. You are who you hang around. Your top five people is who you are. So true. I started thinking back about that and started wondering, okay, what do I need to do? You know what? I just need to let go and let God. He's going to put the right people in my place. My my circle will will begin to form with this new life, this new new marriage, this new life, this new goal, this new outlook. And it man, did it definitely change. And so the win, the boon is my circle has gotten a lot smaller, but it's more impactful. And it is about quality. That's a big massive thing. And then the other I guess uh your relationship with Terra obviously is a boon. Your family. Yeah. Yeah. I mean your health. I couldn't have uh she'll say that it was me that did all the work, right? And that's true. I had to do the work. But for years I've had people telling me, "You need to get sober. You need to do this. You need to do that." And and I I had to want to do it for myself. So that night, you know, that night on the patio, 21st September, I remember saying, "I'm going to do it for me this time and nobody else." And it took that impact because I had to to know that if she wanted to leave, I also had to release that. You have to be okay with it. I got to be all right with it. Cuz she asked, she what would you do if I left? I said, "I will leave the parking spot open because I know you'll be back." She goes, "I'm a cancer. I don't come back." I said, "No, but there's something different about me." I said, "I'll leave the spot open. You'd sell the house." "No, I'd leave the spot open and you you'd come back." Of course, she swears she wouldn't. You know, look, we're never going to find out. That's right. But yeah, so Terra is a massive one. And And can we talk about your professional bounds? Sure. My my day job, I guess I could put it like that. Yeah, your day job. My day job with with web. I've I've moved up and and moved on to a to something that I'm more um it it's given me a little bit more passion about. When I decided to make this change mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, opportunities started opening. Instead of going to work going, "Okay, I'm just this guy. Let's go finish these next 10 hours and do this thing." I'm sitting there going, "Okay, how can I make this better? How can I do better? What can I do to improve this? What can I do to improve that?" It's it's turned into something that's given me an opportunity to try something different. Um, it took me to have that drastic change to have faith in myself, comfortability in myself, vulnerability to to be able to say, you know what, let's put up our shirt and it's time to go. Got to go and have a good day and wake up and do my five gratitudes every single day and get in the truck and and pray. Remember, I'm systematical, right? I'm I'm very regimented. I pray from the minute of my driveway to the minute I get to high 10. This is a 17-minute drive, 18 minute drive. That's just my morning. So, my gratitude, my prayers, and then I go to work. And and people at work, you know, now that I've been so open and so vulnerable about some of the things that I've gone through and all the issues I've gone through, they know, hey, you're having a crappy day, what's going on? Because if I'm not there bubbling, smiling, and fist bumping, something's up. And what about your businesses? Let's talk about those. So, we had a Terra and I owned a uh sports training facility, HTO Athletics, and built it from the ground up with a partner and uh had an opportunity to sell it to a couple of major league athletes, at least our our portion of it. And that was the direction that that they wanted to go in the in in the long run. And we saw an opportunity and we were like, you know what, we think that they will take you to a higher place than we can. They understand the business. they can drive more people because of their names. Yeah, let's do this. And so that's what we did. We sold that part of it. Um, but the cool thing is is nobody can ever take that from us. We we built it together as a team and built it from the ground up. Um, and then it it inspired me to uh to to find something different. The finding something different was was grit. And it it came down to, no pun intended, grit to do it, right? And all these stepping stones. Yeah. all the stepping stones that led up to everything else to finding that growth, resiliency, intentionality, and transformation to changing the the way that the oil and gas industry and blueco collar jobs look at their employees. My experience in the industry having heart attacks and you know my my key thing is when I talk on stage, first thing I tell people when I get up on stage is I need you to remember three numbers. It needs you to remember 41, 13, and three. 500 people. How many what were my three numbers? And you'll hear just about all 500 of them. 41, 13, and three. By the time I was 41 years old, I was on 13 medications and I had already had three heart attacks because of the stress, the cortisol levels, the mental issues that I was going through, the depression, and I completely reversed time. So, I did my epigenetic testing 43. My body was 48. I think my heart was 46 years old, 47 years old. But my average body age was was 48. I was 43. Oh. And then I did my epi my re-epigetic test. So I'm 45. My body's actually 38 and 3/4. Oh, congratulations. So I've slowed down time. And so what we try and do with grid is mental resilience through physical discipline. When I use the term physical discipline, I don't mean going to the gym every day. I mean just getting out and doing something physically. Walking, putting on your kit, and going for a bike ride. Putting on your kit. It's funny. the spandex. I don't know what the kid or your shorts. I need you to know that we're both mic riders. So, we both look like that when we go out. That's funny. Um, you know, and uh just doing something active and and this is the thing. I have changed that whole aspect because if you would have asked me this five or six years ago, I would have told you that's fufu bull and I don't want to hear about it, which is typically what they say in our industry. But when somebody that's lived it, done it, and was out there and understands the life comes to a rig and has that kind of a conversation and says, "Hey, guess what? You know, here's my introduction. This is what I do. I'm a mental performance coach. I was certified mental performance coach and strength and conditioning. I'm this. I'm that." And da da. Oh, by the way, you can't tell me I don't know what you go through because I lived it, too. I've sat in those same chairs. Things start changing. People are going to start listening. And that's what I'm trying to do is is is wake up these industries, not just the oil and gas industry, but industries in general, to pay attention to their people. I have had several men come up to me and go, "God sent you here today because I was literally going to jump overboard tonight." And so that's what grit's all about. We are about understanding the people and giving them the tools, the tricks and the trades, hacking to better yourself, not just on the job, but also off the job and at home. You know, we talk about the five important functionalities, the essential functionalities of the of the body. Your sunlight, your sleep, your nutrition, your exercise, and your water. Five things to change everything around, which by the way, now it's 4500 and zero. 45 years old. I'm on zero medications. I have not had a heart attack since I was 41. Yay. Congratulations. So that's what we're about. So you've proven that that's that that works. You've proven it for me. Right. Right. For you. Yeah. Do you know who Ed Mlet is? I love it. I've read his book Maxed Out and and and the other one too. Power one. Power of one. We got we had the opportunity to listen to him at a Christian conference that we went to and and I'll just paraphrase it because I don't know what his exact words were, but he said you're you're most suited to help the person you used to be. I am more likely to listen to you if you've been in my shoes if you're just sharing your experience with me and I can say, "Oh yeah, if it work for him, it can work for me." Yeah. You never know who you're going to impact with your story. You walk into a place with a thousand people and you're gonna be on stage and you're going to speak and you could care less about the thousand. It's that one person, right? You just never know. The power of one. Power of one. You never know. If people want to reach out to you after listening to your story, how do they find you? How do they find Grit? So Grit has a website, silverbackgrit.com. Silverback. Where does that come from? So that was that was my nickname when I first stepped on a rig. Really? Also, you can't tell and especially y'all at home. Um, I'm a very hairy dude. I just choose to shave. I was gonna say, "No, you're not." Yeah. No, I choose to choose to clean it up. And so, uh, when I stepped on the rig and I took my shirt off for the first time, the guy said, "Dude, you look like a silver bag gorilla." And so, it stuck. Dang. Silverback. Silverbacks are very strong. So, that's a good one. You know, when I was thinking of the name of the company, Grit was always going to be a part of it. And I really just wanted to name it Grit. But the the other key thing when I dove into, okay, I need a mascot. Like, I need something with grit. And Terra's like, "Well, Silverback." And I was like, "Okay, well, I just can't say that because that was my rigname." But it's also a good talking point. It's like, "Why the silverback gorilla?" And I was like, "Okay, well, here, let me tell you the story. Fun fact, I did not know." Fun fact, Thursday. That's right. Again, with the Jords, right? Um, to your point, yes, they are very strong. They're very powerful. But there's something deeper about the silverback that a lot of people don't know that I didn't even know. Now everybody thinks, and this is what I thought for years, somebody's going to be like, "I knew that. Watch that." The silverback's male intention, the male part of the silverback is the leader of the pack of their family. When he pounds on his chest to make that noise, we all think, "Oh, this dude, we we think the movie with the Rock Kong and all of that stuff, right?" That's actually not what they're doing. See, the silverback male gorilla is pounding on his chest to create a ruckus to the predator that is coming and is willing to die for his family to escape. Oh, interesting. Full circle. You have to understand what grit what grit stands for. Growth, resiliency, intentionality, transformation. If you dive into growth, resiliency, growth, like growth, how can I grow my mind, my soul, my body, everything, my relationship? If I have the resiliency to continue to grow them and continue to be resilient on all my training, if I have intentionality behind every decision that I make, what food I put in my body, how I'm going to treat my spouse, how I'm going to eat, how I'm going to do whatever, you will see the transformation in all of your areas of life. That's the whole real main purpose of Silverback Grit. I'll remember now. Yep. So, there's the website. You set yourself apart for sure. I try. You know, I even got the gorilla with the big traps on my thing. It's a pleasure. Um, so yeah, I have the website. We have a we have a joining mailing list. I do some blogs every once in a while through there. Every once in a while, I'll drop some of Eddie's podcasts in. You drop ours in. Shameless plug. Of course, I will. I will definitely drop in. All about the shameless plugs. Last week, once you release this, I'm going to cut some of this and put it in put on Tik Tok and Instagram. Um, oh, I'll give you the whole thing, man. That's what I'm saying. So, yeah, if you go to the website and you put in your your email address and your first name, I'll give you a a free 7-day reset of things that I used when I started of how I started this journey to start my physical and and mental change. Okay? And so, it's a free 7-day reset for people that just don't know what to do. And then, of course, Instagram is uh Keley_bell_tx.

And then Facebook is just Keley Bell. Tik Tok is Kbell Grit. All right, we're gonna drop all that in the show notes for you. Thank God because that's a lot in He had to remember there. It'll be on our website. Echo Echo Lima Echo Yankee and LinkedIn. I do LinkedIn, too. I have LinkedIn for Grit. Grit's got a LinkedIn page there. So, all right. Well, we always wrap up with two final questions. How do you hope your mono myths will inspire our listeners? Can I use the cliche that I always use? You anything you want. I hope it inspires us to go one more day. Whatever darkness or whatever feeling you got going on, whatever battle you got going on, you you've made it through the end of this podcast. Just go one more day. All right. I love that. One more day. Our last question is attitude of gratitude. It's your opportunity to lift up anybody who has been a big part of your journey. One. No, no, no. You can do more than one. Please do more than one. Okay. So, attitude of gratitude. How about the mentors, the heroes, anybody in particular that you would like to lift up today that have been a big part of your journey? Well, first and foremost is Tara. Tara is single-handedly man already, dude. Uh she's single-handedly the strongest person I know. I definitely wouldn't be who I am or where I am without her. So, she's she's topnotch on that uh that huge massive mountain that she had to climb and that I had to climb. Eddie Panero is is become a very very very extreme close friend of mine. We started listening to his podcast long before I met him and I just happened to meet him. I don't see Eddie as as a as a YouTube guy and as a motivational guy. I see him as an inspiration because he took a a chance on himself. He he completely uplifted his life in Boston and just go and build and and help people. What he has given me and shown me is you can still be on camera and motivate all these people and still be the same person. He's an incredible, incredible human being. He's just an all-around good dude. Um yeah, so him and Eric McCormack and uh Justin Frederick's, they're they're building something incredible and they've all become a very very tight-knit family for me. And um and Eddie's been kind of leading that charge for me in podcasts before I met him for four years now. So he's been a big massive part of mine in ter.

Web, you know, Webb showed me on a first day basis on how to be a real leader without being overbearing, like how to actually lead a team, build a team, keep a team and vision, what it takes to really to manage people and just be a guidance, but also to have that caring option of how can I help you today? You know, what do you need? And so, he's he was an inspiration for me in the short period of time that I know him. He's actually helped me a lot to build with grit. He doesn't know that personally he has, but he has with my mindset and my way of thinking of trying to make decisions. Um, my my buddy Gaston, incredible human being. He told me probably 10 years ago, I went to him and I was like, "Dude, I'm depressed. I'm not feeling good. It's long before the change." I said, "I think I want to do this." And he said, "Man, you're going to have to do what you got to do." He's like, "But at the end of the day, if you if you put your mind to it, you can do anything you want." Yeah. He's just he he deserves a lot of credit cuz no matter the the the not only that I put Terra through, he saw all it too and he never left. Man, this list is long, dude. Like it really is. My sisters are there. My my brother in Dallas, Rob Wlette. So Rob is not my brother, but if I could ever ask God for a legitimate blood brother, it'd be him. So

he has uh he has no idea the the positive impact that he has had on my life and I will never ever be able to repay him for that. He is um he's an incredible father, an incredible business leader, an incredible husband. Um a great confidant, a great person. Um he's I don't I don't you know I don't care that we're not blood. He is my brother until the end. So, he helped me through so many dark times before Terara was even in my life that um there were multiple times where that trigger was going to get pulled and it never did. And it was because he'd get on the phone with me and talk to me. So, Oh, bless him. Yeah, he's he's he's an incredible incredible human being. Well, we want to thank you. Yeah. Thanks for making me tear up right at the end of it. Sorry. Good lord. As we wrap up, we just want to say thank you again for your incredible yes. Yes. I'm so grateful that you said yes. Has been a lot of fun and a lot getting to know you. It's been amazing. But you don't have another guy in jorts. No, I only do that. I will tell you though, as I'm sitting here thinking, man, he's just so easy to talk to. I can see you having your own podcast for sure. I mean, you just have the soothing voice. I've had people ask not there yet. I'm going to let you guys have that. I know, but I could see you doing it someday. Maybe one day. But I I appreciate you guys and I'm I was honored to do this and and uh you know, thanks for for helping me and and getting with me. She was like at one point she was like, "Well, he's not answering my text. I'm just putting them on the calendar." I did. I did. And then I And then I had to I had to go tattle on you to your wife. You better book this. Yes. That's what she called me. She's like, "He's not Andrew, but I'll put him on the calendar. He's coming on the show." Yeah, she uh Yeah, she I was being intentional. Yeah, exactly. You're manifesting. He's coming. Throw it back on me. Right. No, it was it was fun. It was a great opportunity and I I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm glad that you guys are betting on yourself. You guys are helping and doing a lot of great things and don't ever let anybody tell you any differently. And thank you. Don't stop what you're doing. Thanks for joining us on the Monomoth Diaries. If this episode resonates with you or someone you know, we'd love for you to share it and spread the inspiration. Don't forget to follow us wherever you get your podcast or on YouTube to stay connected. We'd appreciate if you could take a moment and rate and review the podcast. It helps us reach more people with stories of transformation and growth. You can visit us at monommydiaries.com or text us directly from the show notes to reach out and keep the conversations going. Until next time, heroes, let's journey together through our monomyths.